Will this stop HIV?

My birthday is in one week! Do you know how young I'll be?

Weird dream last night. I dreamt I was still pregnant but farther along. I could feel the baby kicking ( I thought of him as a him in the dream) and I could feel his little foot. It was way to cool. :)

A quote I'd like to share!

" What's the use of sending a $2 million missle into a $10 tent to hit a camel in the butt?"
--George W. Bush

Here is the latest ultrasound picture!

Sad news here at work. They are laying off a ton of people today. Sad, sad. Go here to learn more.

Messing with the comments section. Please bear with me.

I'm back from the doctor and the baby has gotten so big!! I can hardly believe it. And there his little heart was beating away at 178 beats a minute! Wow. It's finally sinking in. He measures right on schedule at 8 weeks 5 days. :) I'll post the picture when I get home. I'm not feeling to awesome so I may be leaving work early. Bah.

I'm off to see my baby on that cool little sound machine! I've been longing to see his little heart going bumpety bump bump bump since I saw it last Friday. I almost want to be back in surgery in a few weeks so I can regularly check up on him. :) I said almost. Though I do miss the few friends I had like Missy and Melissa. Had lunch with Melissa yesterday and that helps. She is scheduled for her c-section on the 18th but I don't think she will make it that long. She has dropped. He's moved his feet in a completely different angle and her back hurts and she walks like there is a head in between her legs. And she is having tummy troubles. I can't wait till its me.

I have to go shower so I can see my baby. My baby. Sounds so WEIRD! I know I'm a worry wart too. :( I'm kinda scared that the heartbeat won't be there just 6 days later. I know I know that it most likely will, but damn fear plays with you. More later. :)

First off I feel like I'm going to puke. No joke. I ate a baked potato and a cookie and i'm not thinking it was the best idea I've had today. I did however find out that tomorrow I am having ANOTHER ultrasound! Whoopee! :) That excites me I love seeing that heartbeat and I can't wait. It is hotter then hell on a hot summers day here. 90 degrees with at least 50% humidity and a dew point of 70. It's nasty. Gee I love Indiana. :) Storms should fly in tonight bringing a bit of a cold front.

I'm wearing maternity pants. They don't look maternity but they have a bit of extra fabric in the front for growth. I just couldn't stand my pants and my mom said that I looked very uncomfortable so she took me to Target and bought my a pair of khaki capris and jeans (both maternity). The jeans have elasic in the back so they don't look maternity either. I feel pretty dumb wearing them but hell, I'm so comfortable now! **sigh** More exciting library stuff to do. Later.

Am I fat or pregnant? You tell me.

You're a Ruby. You are very outgoing and wild. You
are confident, yet sometimes you go overboard.
You are vibrant and full of life...just like
the color red.


What Jewel Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla


That's my birthstone! How appropriate. :)

Speaking of losing my mind, I definitely have placenta brain. This morning, I left without my work badge leaving me unable to clock in and to eat lunch, beautiful huh? Last night I took a pizza out of the freezer and unwrapped it to make for Erich's dinner and left it sitting on the counter. Erich came in 20 minutes later to ask me where his dinner was, oops. And (this is the kicker) I ran the washer (yet again) with all the soap and NO LAUNDRY. Man, someone please keep tabs on me!

I'm definitely backlogged on these.

Week 18

1. Suspected:: killer
   
2. Indulgent :: chocolate
   
3. Advertising:: thief
   
4. Represent:: the public
   
5. Ethical :: dilemma
   
6. Witness:: eye
   
7. Triumph:: in Zion?
   
8. Talons:: fangs
   
9. Finals:: poor Erich
   
10. Squeak:: Squauk
    

Week 19

1. Arbitrary:: ??
   
2. Sweatshop :: Martha Stuart
   
3. Cotton ball:: rabbit
   
4. Intimate:: freak
   
5. Forgotten:: words
   
6. Photography:: pictures
   
7. Secretary:: boredom
   
8. Stadium:: football
   
9. Purpose:: greater
   
10. Shoe box:: cards
    

Week 20

1. Tumbler:: drink
   
2. Recital :: piano
   
3. Reform:: society
   
4. Nipple:: cracked
   
5. Jackal:: hyde
   
6. Mailtruck:: newman
   
7. Merchendise:: store
   
8. Comma:: mark
   
9. Erotica:: chocolate??
   
10. Ferment:: oil
    

I have definitely lost my mind, huh?

Yay, she is temporarily out of projects for me so i'm free to surf and blog! whoopee!

I had a dream last night that I've been thinking about all day. I thought I'd share it with you.

It was after the baby was born, there was a fire down the street. Erich and I picked baby up and ran down to see the blaze and make sure people were out, cops called, etc etc etc. It had to be in the middle of the night because I can remember the flames lit up against the midnight blue sky. Baby started to get hungry so Erich told me to nurse her. I remember it had to be really really new to me because I was still a bit nervous about it. I remember looking up after getting the baby to latch on and Erich's friends were there. I said, "shame on you staring. " That's all I really remember.

Oh and the baby was a baby girl. What do you make of that? :)

If I ever come running, screaming into my blog, shouting " I WANT TO BE A LIBRARIAN!!!" Shoot me. Don't hesitate, don't try and talk me out of it, just SHOOT ME! Today I've worked on making sure half of the *** library is in "perfect" order according to the catalog cards. The problem is that a lot of the catalog cards are out of order. And me, being way to good at this, says something and I end up having to fix it. When will I learn to keep my fat mouth shut!? And do you know what torture it is to be ten feet from a computer all day and have things to do so you can't access your email or blogs for fear of losing what could possibly be the MOST limited duty position in the hospital. At least this is better than my "regular" position. 45 minutes to go.

I'm officially on limited duty now. Now lifting, pushing, or pulling above 20 pounds. I'm working in the hospital library which is extremely boring except when I find cool books about pregnancy with neato doctor pictures in them. :) Today I filed catalog cards (which I found errors in and the librarian was impressed, damnit, I may be doing a hell of a lot more of that! eeK!) and I also made sure all the books were in the order of the catalog cards. Now wasn't that exciting?

These arrived! Woot! Now off to fill them out.

Happy Birthday Erich! :) I bless the day you came into my life and hope there won't ever be a day I don't wake up beside you. You are my everything. I praise God and thank you for giving me this little miracle, a little tiny baby, growing inside me. He (or she!) is part of you and part of me. You are forever a part of me and I couldn't think of anyone better to share this miracle with. I love you.

Wanna see my bundle of joy?

I forgot something! Erich is the most wonderful man ever. We had to drive two cars out to the doctors office (long story) anyways when he was pulling out he rolled his window down and yelled out to me, "Suzanne! You're my hero!" **tear** What a day!

There is an alien in my tummy!!!! :) With a beautiful heartbeat of 170 beats a minute. I'm in love. **tear** He's hanging around in there upside down and he moved! She was looking at him and measuring him and his little leg buds were squirming around in there! She said, "Look! There is the heartbeat! :)" Erich just said, " Wow, scary." I myself was bauling hysterically. We have a picture. As soon as Erich hooks up the scanner to this computer I'll scan it in and get an account on Fotolog for you to see my little bundle. Wow. Oh yeah, he measures 7w 6 d (Close, huh, Shana?) which makes our due date January 31, 2004. I can't wait!

My first real pregnancy scare. I had a belly ache last night that made my uterus start cramping uncontrollably and it HURT. I called the OB on call and she said to lay low as long as I wasn't bleeding. I am going in for an ultrasound right now. Please think of us. I'm so terrified that there won't be a heartbeat guys. :( I guess the cramps are somewhat good because it moved up the ultrasound. I'm just scared. I think they are going to put me on limited duty too. A lifting restriction will ship me out of the surgery department, which may be a good thing depending on where they send me. I might need a change of scenery to get me away from the stress in my department. Okay so here we go. I'll update when I get back.

I've officially seen the weirdest search ever. Someone landed on my site after searching google for: +"laundry" +sorority +naked What the hell were they looking for? Neverwho that-- what the hell was I writing about!!

A few quotes:

"There is no finer investment for any community than putting milk into babies." --Winston Churchill

"Children seldom misquote you. They more often repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said." --Mae Maloo

"Pregnancy defined is: Getting company inside one's skin." -- Maggie Scarf

"Childbirth is more admirable than conqest, more amazing than self-defense, and as courageous as either one." -- Gloria Steinem

"Kids really brighten a household. They never turn off the lights." --Ralph Bus

"In their eagerness for their children to acquire skills and to succeed, parents may forget that youngesters need time to think, and privacy in which to do it." --James Cox

"There is only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it." -- Old English Proverb

oh! oh! I want one of these after the baby is born too! :)

Aww the luxury of having internet at home. :)

My mom bought me some of these. I've had one before and they burn very very clean and smell very good and not overwhelming. She bought me another "snickerdoodle" and "clean linen". My house smells like clean laundry and freshed baked cookies. :)

I want some of these. I know that most everyone knows about the pregnancy but they don't know a due date. I figure it would be a neat way to announce it. :) I just don't want to buy them until I know that a) there is a heartbeat. I know that there probably is (temps are up, feeling pukey, sore boobs still!) but I have the horrible thought pass through my head once in a while. Like Erich says, it's highly unlikely but every mom probably worries about it. And b) I want to make sure there is only one of them! If there are two then obviously we would need the twin cards. :)

Speaking of candles, please light a candle for a good friend of the family, Heather. Heather is a younger lady (say thirties) who has a schoolage daughter. She is a very good friend of my mothers and was maid of honor at my mom and dads wedding. She had a stroke a few days ago, we just found out from her sister at the grocery store. :( I told my mom that the funny thing is a few days ago I had a dream about her. She used to live in the duplex right next door to my moms house (which is now mine and Erichs house). Anyways, I remember when she brought her daughter home and I would always go over to bug her because I loved babies. She used to let me feed her and I just fell in love with the baby. SO I had this dream a few days ago. I was going over to her house to see her baby and I was trying to talk to her but I couldn't understand her. It was completely muffled and babbling and so forth. Currently they say that she has minimal movement in her right side only and she is only able to say words like yes and no and sometimes shake her head. That is so wierd, huh? It really rocked my mom and I. So please light a candle, say a prayer, go hug your babies, maybe just a thought. It could happen to us, ya know? She wasn't old. She's young. Scary. Life is so precious.

I have to run and work on straightening up the house. I'll be back later. :)

OH SWEET JESUS! :) I'm connected to the internet... at home! :) The new computer came today.. a whole day early. I went to set up everything and the modem wouldn't do it. It was the damn ****** modem in the first place, but we have a new computer that is one payment away from being paid off whoo hoo. A new modem, new speakers, new keyboard. We do need a new monitor but it'll will have to wait. **sigh** Now I need to sell the old computer to pay for the new modem and try to get rid of that old modem. Good bye and good riddance you d-link piece 'o crap! Now I have to eat and redownload all my stuff. :)

Sorry about the absence. Things stay the same though. Work sucks, I'm always sick and dizzy, and I have tons to do. I did a whole bunch of laundry then discovered that Erich has poison ivy and carried all the clothes upstairs ( it's all over his arms) so I brought everything back down to the basement and washed it all again with soap and technu (stuff to put on yourself, dogs, and laundry to get the poison ivy oil off) Speaking of poison ivy makes me want to sing the song "poison ivvyyyyyy poiiissson iiivvvy eee ee e e, late at night when your sleeping poison ivy comes a creepin' arrou-oun-ou-ou-ou-ound" :) I actually think I am eight weeks 1day pregnant. I guess we'll see for sure next week at the ultrasound! woo woo! I think we are going to try and ultrasound Melissa tonight at work so maybe I'll get down and we'll see if we can find some heartbeat(s). :) Gotta run dilly-o's . Computer will be here on THURSDAY! I have to figure out how to be at work and at home to sign for the computer --which is more important-computer or work. hmm... probably the computer. :)

I'm feeling a bit better. I've been really sick the past couple of days. It turns out, I'm not eating enough. MAN! I NEVER thought I would hear myself say that! :) I need to be eating every hour (something small like cheese cubes or popsicles) and drinking lemonade and water at least once every two hours trying to EVERY hour. Working makes that difficult though. I need a couple of days off. Maybe I'll call in sometime next week. :) Gotta go home now, baby is hungry AGAIN! :) Made some really great spanish rice and I pour a bunch of salsa on it and I LOVE it. Thank God that stays down, I'd be sad without it. :) Oh and new blog started for family, It isn't much really yet though. I don't want to make this public to them so I figured that a new one would be best. You are welcome to visit it here

Okay so sometimes people really know how to piss me off. I'm so pissed off that I can't even blog about it. Urgh. I hate my job. I should set up a paypal button so that giving, nice, sweet people could donate money to get me out of debt so I could be at home and concentrate on staying pregnant and not stressing myself out by the mean, rude, awful, terrible, horrible people at work. Damn the raging hormones.

Sorry for my absence. I'm still on the edge. Two weeks until the ultrasound. All of the damn stinking possibilities keep running through my head: go to the ultrasound and no heartbeat, ectopic pregnancy, molar pregnancy. I know all of these are distant possibilities but they still plague me. I'm sure everything is fine. It's just that everybody is SO excited including us. **crying** I'm sure I'm still pregnant. I cried this mornning from watching the wedding story. LOL I cry all of the time in fact. And my temps are still up, no cramping, bleeding or spotting, and I'm still sick to my stomach.

Things are tough financially right now too. Erich missed two days of work and we spent so much money driving to that wedding over the weekend which not only meant gas, but time, eating out, Erich's tux (he was a groomsman) it's just put a huge toll on us. And I'm doing that damn baby shower for Melissa on Friday. I'm so excited for her it's just that when I took on getting the cake, and making all of the sandwiches, and making the punch I wasn't considering being pregnant and already INSANELY tired. I told her that this week is a pinch and that I won't be able to get her gift for another couple of weeks. She isn't due until July 26th (which dumbass me I'm on vacation and I feel horribly awful that I won't be here for that BUT I'm was the last one to get the PTO book and it was really the only full week that wasn't already taken!) so I have lots of time. She's scheduled for a c-section. It doesn't stop me from feeling awful though. Hmph.

I have to get back to work. I have an incredibly awful migraine, I'm tired, there are a bizillion things I need to be doing at home, work isn't going well today, and I have to find a damn electrician to put in a circuit breaker soon! (we lied and told the home insurance we had one when in reality we have a fuse box! heh. It saved us tons of money!) My father in law is an electrician maybe he'll be able to help us out. I gotta run. If you have any words of wisdom to pass on to me they would greatly be appreciated, I'm feeling really down in the dumps. Peace.

Hello all. Sorry I didn't post yesterday. I was in a hellish mood and left work early. I hate my job. It has become increasingly harder each day to come in. I dread work and I hate that. I also have the itch now to stay home which we are planning on doing anyways after the baby is born. It is so hard here though. I don't feel appreciated. I'm not really fond of the people I work with. I'm so tired that I feel like I can't even keep up with my work. It all sucks really bad and is not made any easier by the fact that I cry at the drop of a hat. That's right folks. I'm in full blown hormone overdrive.

Speaking of hormones, the doctor called and put me on progesterone. She said that my progesteron was in the normal limits but on the lower side of normal and that she was just being extremely cautious. Good. :) Which reminds me I have to go pick up the Metformin from the Associate Pharmacy. I will be on the Metfomin and the progesterone until 12 weeks.

I've lost the ability to suck it in. Not that I have a baby pouch yet. Just can't suck it in. I used to go around work constantly sucking it in, letting it out, sucking it in, letting it out. It's strange now because I can't sick it in. I feel like there is someone on the inside pushing against me when I try. Hm. Strange eh?

Also getting strange "tugging" feelings around my pelvic bone. Not cramps more like spasms. Uncomfortable but not horribly painful. Anyone know what it could be?

22 days till the ultrasound! I'm more relaxed lately. I know everything is okay except that some other part of me worries all of the time. My mom bought me "The Pregnancy Journal" and I love it! It tells me what is happening every day and that is really neat. I think Erich likes reading it too. It keeps him involved. I really want to get "The Expectant Father" for him. I might like to read it too, heh. Maybe I'll ask my mom or his mom to get it for him for Fathers Day or for his birthday this month!

WE ARE GETTING A NEW COMPUTER! Whoopee! :) This Saturday is when it will be ready and it is the computer of both of our dreams. Yay! I'll be back online at home Saturday evening. Erich's best friend is getting married that day and I'm on call but come hell or high water we are going to be online! I haven't been able to read SO many blogs because they are blocked from work. urghh.

Oops I have to go to the weekly meeting and go to the potty! Hope all is well. I'll sit and write more later! :)

Okay I'm feeling a bit better today. Mainly because the nausea is coming back. For the past few days I hadn't been as sick as I had been before. That scares me. But it is coming back. And I know that the nausea probably got better because my nutrition was better. I've been eating a ton of fruits (it's about the only thing that tastes good!) and the prenatal vitamins probably help balance stuff out. I also started eating something every hour and a half to two hours. And I've been drinking TONS of H2O and rasberry lemonade (I can't get rid of that craving, yummm) I've cut back my caffeine intake to one coke a day (coca-cola that is) and I'm gradually weaning down to a smaller cup size all together (again the drink size. the other cup size is long gone) So the better lifestyle "should" make the nausea go away and it did. The OB calleld this morning to say that my progesterone is fine. I'm fine. STOP WORRYING! ha! I can't imagine that if I worry about him when he's in there all cozy and such, how will I ever deal with taking him out of my body. (I'm calling him him now. I don't like calling it it. And I don't like calling it embryo fetus etc etc etc. It's a baby to me. My baby, so I feel I should address him as a person of importance. )

23 days until the ultrasound!!! I really could just go back and get the ultrasound from one of the OR rooms and look for myself but it is hard to distinguish objects and such. I'll be glad when I get to the point at which I can hear the heartbeat on the doppler. We have a doppler in the OR and I have experience finding the heartbeat from when I worked in L&D so I can probably safely bet that is why I will go to work then. Just to hear the heartbeat, heh. I find myself feeling a lot like Shana. I'll be feeling a certain way or asking myself a certain question and I'll log onto the web and see her blog and feel reassured that she feels the same way too. I almost wanna call her up on the phone and talk to her, hehe.

The damn internet still isn't working and for the love of God I DON"T KNOW WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG! I'm about to give up and go buy a new computer. Erich thinks it maybe the motherboard and we've tried everything including standing on our heads holding our breath while jiggling the cord. Urgh. I will have internet by God and I want cable internet at that! Hmph.

Gotta go back to work. Later gators.

24 days till the ultrasound! Damn internet is STILL not working. It recognizes the modem now but the software won't install. We are about to give up and get DSL. It's driving me mad! So I have some things to do around the house when I get home but after that I'm going to make that damn computer connect to the internet if it is the last thing I do. I have to go back to work right now but I hope to be getting off very soon. I hate it here and I don't want to work at all. I'll write more later. (hopefully!)

I just wanted to jot down a really quick note. Seems that my network card is bad in my home computer. We'll stop and buy one tonight after we CLOSE! That's right folks today is the day we become homeowners! It just feels so right now that we have a baby on the way! Holy crap! We're having a baby! :) It seems to be sinking in more each day. I agree with Shana though that the days just pass very slowly and I'm always afraid something bad will happen. I am a bit more at ease today though. I had my blood drawn last night the HcG is now 1784!!! That's high and I think Erich is at home now pacing and trying to figure out what we would do with two of them! I'm elated. I feel much better now knowing that it is doubling. She says I have nothing to worry about. The light cramping is dying out, I haven't spotted or anything, I have sore boobs, nausea, a backache, and frequent pee visits and that sounds normal to her! There is no history of miscarriage in the family and that they tend to carry babys too long! yay! :) We will have an ultrasound on June 26 followed by my very first OB appointment! And we'll see the babys heartbeat! I can't believe it! :)

My mom bought me some stretchy pants yesterday and a nice maternity shirt (one that doesn't look like a maternity shirt for very early pregnancy). I needed something to wear to a wedding in two weeks and my pants are two uncomfortable! I know, I know! It's really really early but it hurts to put pressure on my lower belly and all of my clothes were already "fit" I needed something baggier!

Okay folks, the cable is hooked back up at home. The TV works and after we fix the network card (hopefully tonight) I should be back online! I'm still pregnant and it amazes me and I may just tell you everyday for the next 7 weeks that I am still pregnant each time I post! Ha! You are all going to be so annoyed by me that you won't come back.

I feel like someone punched me in the back. Ouch! And I'm soooo tired. And I LOVE it! :) My temps are still up and I still feel pregnant which makes me feer grrreat! I'm loving this! Even the sore boobs. Can they actually get any sorer?

Last night when I went to babysit I fell asleep on the couch with the ten month old baby. The three year old passed out during the Clifford movie on the floor (butt straight up in the air). I really wasn't asleep asleep, I was opening my eyes every once few minutes and the three year old always asks me before going to potty or rewinding tapes, etc. I still felt a tiny bit bad when they came home and we were all asleep. They said it was cute though. You decide. ;)

Gotta go back to work ladies.

I forgot to mention that the HPT I took last night was positive. :) My level came back today!! At 17 dpo I was at 700 mil/unit or whatever measurable unit they use. :) Not too high and I like that but higher than the "statistically high average for singleton HcG levels" according to Babymed.com. So I'm happy! Tomorrow, another blood test yay! :)

I have realized that I have late day/evening sickness verses morning sickness. As the day passes I get increasingly sicker especially after lunch. But hey I don't care! :) Whoopee I'm pregnant!

(Can you tell that it hasn't quite sunk in yet?)

I am soooo tired. I could seriously sleep standing up. I think the sleep effect is made worse by the fact that my OR rooms were both on hold most of the morning so I had little to do. If I keep moving it keeps me awake.

This is something I also think you guys will know about, but I have come to realize that there is a very fine line between hunger and nausea. Hot dogs and fruit seem to be what this baby likes. Everything else makes me hurl. At least I'm eating a ton of fruit. I need to start carrying snacks with me in my purse and some to put in the locker in the department. If I don't keep eating something every couple of hours I get really really really sick.

I'm waiting for a call back from the OB. They should have the HcG level back. I just want to make sure there is only alien in there. Two would be super and I'd be happy and everything but it would be shocking! One is perfect, but hey I'll take what I can get if you know what I mean! :) I've been having dreams that they call and say they think there are two, come in for the ultrasound. It could just be my nervous fears playing with me though.

In other news the home mortgage guy really pissed me off this morning. He pages me (I carry a pager at work) and I call him back and I am told that he is on the phone. That ticks me off big time. So he pages me again and he tells me that he needs to know who is going to be carrying the home insurance RIGHT NOW. Now this thoroughly pisses me off because a) you didn't tell me you wanted it today at 10:30 and b) WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO ABOUT IT AT WORK? I tell him he needs to call Erich, that Erich is taking care of it, and he will be out of class and at work between 12:15 and 1:00. The guy says that won't work. He needs it NOW. I almost want to yell at him, "WELL TOO BAD! I CAN'T DO ONE DAMN THING ABOUT IT NOW!" But I refrained from yelling at him, so where is my damn cookie?

I have to go back to work. Have a great day ya'll!

Okay, so I have comments to respond to comments. Did that make sense? First off I think Rachel is the funniest lady ever since one post there is a comment that reads " I agree sweet baby. {Annika} Now can you update? Like, about you?" then goes on to another comment reading "I just saw your chart! I just saw your chart! Yippee!" Hahaha. Cracked me up! To answer Shana: this is the first time I ovulated ( I think.) Erich says he has super sperm! I think we will be having baby towards the end of January first of February. I'll have a better date probably next week. I just had my blood drawn. We have to make sure there is only one baby in there. (There is increased risk since we took Clomid. Neither he or I have hx of twins so are chancing went from nil to 10% which in my eyes is a pretty big jump!) Speaking of Clomid I would love to kiss the man/woman who invented it!

The HPT Story

The PIL came over on Sunday. Erich was just positive I was pregnant, MIL suspected, and I doubted. I didn't want to take the test because I HATE the negative results. They left and we went to bed and I was very very sick to my stomach. He fell asleep and I decided, to hell with it, I'm taking the damn test. I went in POTS and watched as one line appeared then two. I fumbled for directions and figured out what that meant (even though I knew what it meant) and ran and got Erich out of bed screaming " Erich come here! Erich come here!" He got to the batheroom, looked at my two lines, asked "what does that mean?" I threw the directions at him and he said, "you're pregnant. SUZANNE! I THOUGHT THE HOUSE WAS ON FIRE!" Then he was excited. I then called mi madre. The end.

Well I'm off to take another test! Hey, what can I say? I like taking the test when it comes out positive! :) More tomorrow.

We still don't have internet which is the reasoning for my absence over the long weekend. It should be installed by then and Erich promises to have the computer fixed (it doesn't recognize the modem that is working) So I'll be back up then. And it appears I will have to start blogging more since Jennifer has noticed that we are due to have a royal child towards the end of January beginning of February-ish. I'm going today after work to get my blood drawn, buy a pregnancy book (one that has pictures and details each week, especially for Erich to read I think it will help bring him into the pregnancy) I might start another blog especially about the pregnancy for the family i.e. Erich's mom. She is excited! Erich is nervous and I am in shock. I feel somewhat pregnant though. I walked into the cafeteria a few minutes ago and almost tossed my cookies with the awful combination of food smells and sights. Yuck. I've only been tolerating hot dogs and fruit. My breasts are sore and heavy.I can hardly walk down the hallway without the "jiggle effect" (that's what I call it!) causing terrible pains. And this may sound like me complaining, BUT I'M LOVING EVERY MINUTE OF IT! So make me puke baby! I'm to excited about what's growing in there. I can't wait to meet you! :)

Another I say... You think...

1. Badminton:: baby
   
2. Obsessive compulsive :: babies?
   
3. Prosthetics:: baby
   
4. Sophistication:: pregnant! yay!
   
5. Hiphop :: baby
   
6. Stammering:: i'm gonna have a baby!
   
7. Property taxes:: holy crap!
   
8. Lowrider:: can it be?
   
9. Blowtorch:: baby baby baby!
   
10. Formality:: I'm gonna get fat! Whoopee!
    

Okay so can you tell what's on my mind? :)

Hey you might want to check out my chart again. And I changed the description of my blog. Look up and tell me what you think! Off to work!

She had her baby!!! I logged on to her husband's site and there she is! The sweetest baby ever! :) Congrats Dawn and Quinn! Welcome to the world baby!

1. Naked:: Man!
   
2. Singular:: Sensation
   
3. Particle:: article
   
4. Unified:: user?
   
5. Lion:: witch, and the wardrobe
   
6. Capitulate:: ???
   
7. Quantum:: reasons
   
8. Celestial:: Tea
   
9. Motion:: Lotion ha!
   
10. Delight::ful
    

Rob's Amazing Poem Generator created this for my blog.

And a positive but
lately and
start to watch
her. and fix it. Dh
will try to go and
sitting in a warning we started
building the other dream about stuff but
lately In there?
On day wish.
That even though my business, go
to get that
is SO wanted and the yard inside
the test
I just found out of
here And sitting in the lives of this guy knew that
I wonder if some embryo was going
to you
understand. I
want to the part that everyone can tell you make
of his 10 favorite bloggers
better than
what do my temps dropped significantly
on Monday.

Urgh. I had this huge post and now it is gone. Damn Blogger. Anyways, as I said before, I skipped work because I am under the weather. Very nauseous. I feel sick and as soon as I lay down and get that feeling to go away I and start to think about food again I get very sick again. Dh says maybe it's morning sickness. One could only hope, right?

It's cycle day 22 and my temps are still up. Is there a little watermelon seed in there? Maybe even two? Heh.

I've been having really weird dreams lately. The other day I dreamed that I was pregnant but I had just found out (opposed to all the dreams I had and I was gigantic pregnant) Anyways I had to go to the batheroom. And the urge was so terribly bad and I'd find a batheroom, do my business, go back to something and I would have another horrible urge to go again. This continued on about 25 times! When I woke up in real life I had to use the batheroom so bad that I could hardly stand up and waddle to the batheroom!

The other dream I had was last night. Dh and I were with some friends somewhere and I told him I couldn't take it anymore and that even though we weren't 18 dpo that I was taking a test. I took the test and left it with him to watch for results and went down (the beach?) to hang out with some friends. A few minutes later I heard him yelling," come here come here come here!!" As I went back up and looked at the test I saw two gigantic, fat lines. I said, " what does that mean?" (as if I didn't know! hah!) And he said, "It's positive!" I said, "uh huh" and he said "yes! it is! we're going to have a baby!" Then I woke up. So what do you make of that?

18 dpo is a very long time to wait. Each passing day seems to get a bit longer than the one before. I yearn to know that the test will come out positive but fear it won't just like every other test. I don't want to do another round of this again. I want to be preg. It sucks. I'm so anxious at this point. I never knew that days could last so long. I try to fill up days without thinking about stuff but it doesn't work. So there really isn't much to say. I'm completely excited that Dawn is almost there. On a good note though, my temps are still up. Yee haw. Soon. Soon we will know. I'm off to be anxious elsewhere.

Hi all. I've been quiet lately. In fact I've been quiet ALL of the time. It has been such an emotional month. I'm 6 days past ovulation today. 12 more and that would mean I would most likely be pregnant. Man I want it so bad. I'm sure you understand. I think about it all day and dream about it all night. I was having weird muscle cramps/ovary cramps the other night while laying in bed with DH watching TV. He looks over at me and says, " wouldn't it be great if some embryo was just burying itself in you right now? " Yes it would. It makes me want to cry to think that him and I could create a baby. A baby that is so wanted and will be so loved that I feel at times I am just going to burst. Okay, now I'm crying and I'm sitting in the hospital library so I probably look like a freak!

Now I wonder if I should test on day 28 of my cycle or wait to see if I get to 18 dpo. Hmm. Man I don't want to see AF.

So I've been quiet lately and tired. It seems I have left my brain in other places because I can't seem to remember simple stuff. I don't know what it is but I hope I feel back to normal soon, whatever the hell that may be. I hate work. I dread it, which isn't like me. It just seems now that the shit is hitting the fan and it awful to be here. I don't want to be here. I'm tired of seeing pregnant bellies (though I would like to see Dawn's) I actually love preg bellies but lately I just can't seem to get happy for "real life" people. I'm ecstatic about Dawn though. And I can't wait to see a picture of her and hear her name! I will get that package in the mail Dawn, I promise! I'm running out of time! :)

Thanks to Jennifer for the Mothers Day wish. That also made me cry. :)

Just as a warning we still do not have internet at home. I just need to copy all of the blog addresses down and then reformat the computer. I think somethings bad in there so might as well. That damn computer is probably nearing the end. I just pray it holds on a couple of more months. I will try and get to the library to post if I can't get it to work at home. If not I'll talk to you all on Monday. Have a fabulous weekend.

Hi all. I've been quiet lately. In fact I've been quiet ALL of the time. It has been such an emotional month. I'm 6 days past ovulation today. 12 more and that would mean I would most likely be pregnant. Man I want it so bad. I'm sure you understand. I think about it all day and dream about it all night. I was having weird muscle cramps/ovary cramps the other night while laying in bed with DH watching TV. He looks over at me and says, " wouldn't it be great if some embryo was just burying itself in you right now? " Yes it would. It makes me want to cry to think that him and I could create a baby. A baby that is so wanted and will be so loved that I feel at times I am just going to burst. Okay, now I'm crying and I'm sitting in the hospital library so I probably look like a freak!

Now I wonder if I should test on day 28 of my cycle or wait to see if I get to 18 dpo. Hmm. Man I don't want to see AF.

So I've been quiet lately and tired. It seems I have left my brain in other places because I can't seem to remember simple stuff.

Whoa, I am not a tramp! I think it may be all the raging hormones affecting my subconscious.

Tramp Bear


Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Try this link for my chart.

Stolen from Dawn.


Let's not bicker and argue about who killed who!


What Monty Python Character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Still no internet!!! I spoke with the cable company this morning. They can't see my computer, the comp says "cable unplugged", and the modem responds when they ping so the problem is on my end. Maybe dh will be in a better mood tonight and can take a look at it and fix it.

My temp chart looks very promising! yay! So I'm going to go and try and figure out how I can link it so you guys can tell me if you think it looks promising.

I was reading dh copy of "Wired" magazine last night. They were talking about blogspace. It was said that this guy knew what was going on in the lives of his 10 favorite bloggers better than what was going on in the lives of his "real life" closest friends, and it is SO TRUE! It makes sense though. I tell you guys everything and I don't speak much anymore in real life, though I am a big talker. Oh well. I catch you all on the shizzy (I've been reading stuff on the Shizzolator too much!)

This time I have an excuse for not blogging! :) The storm knocked out the cable sometime Saturday afternoon. Hopefully I will be able to get online. We finished our fence this weekend. It is SUPER nice and Ella LOVES it. Dh joked that you can almost hear her singing "Let freedom ring!" out in the yard while she is running around! It's fun to watch her.

My BBT temps dropped significantly on Saturday and shot back up Sunday and a bit higher today. Hopefully that is good news. I'm hoping to get out of here early today so I can go home and finish mowing the lawn. I got the yard inside the fence mowed now just need to do the part that everyone can see! :) Back to hell, I mean work.

I know this is late but I've avoided reading others to be untainted! :)

1. Nanny:: Rich
   
2. Weight:: Loss
   
3. Deep:: Sorrow
   
4. Sock:: Holey
   
5. 24 hours:: a day, 7 days a week
   
6. Tongue:: hehehe
   
7. Fees:: money
   
8. Champagne:: Toast
   
9. Bruise:: ouch
   
10. Pancakes:: breakfast
    

Sorry about my absence. I've not been feeling well the past few days. Yesterday dh and I had the day off. We started building the fence. It is almost finished. yay! :) Last night I had horrible "ovary" pains. My ovaries felt like they were splitting open. Hopefully that is a good thing. A girl at work who took clomid said that that is what it felt like too. I think I had a positive OPK this morning but both lines were faded but they were both the same darkness. The temps are staying about the same but the same girl also said that her temps didn't change on clomid. So we'll see! I've got to write out bills now. I'll blog more lately. :)

Clomid Day Four and Five

Days three and four went a lot like two and three. There were more hot flashes, my bitchy attitude, and a new fun one-- headaches. Having suffered from migraines for most of my life (from about age 14 or 15) these little "clomid" headaches go from little to big in seconds. Vicodin is my friend and the phenegran they gave me. Wow. God bless the man who invented phenegran. (Phenegran is for nausea) Though I have to watch out since I should ovulate towards the end of this week and we want babies! No more drugs after babies (well, not the good ones at least) so I'm making the best of them now. :)

We had a busy weekend. Did a ton of babysitting on Saturday in addition to running errands and planting flowers in the yard! yay! :) Sunday we went to see his parents and had lunch and then we headed back here. I had an activity to attend with Jill and then came home. I had a headache that was progressing to a migraine (go figure!) so dh and I snuggled into bed and watched The Nutty Professor. I forgot how funny it is! :)

It was beautiful today despite the storms last night. At some point it knocked our power out and I miraculously woke up around 3:30am to a blinking alarm clock. I scrambled around *while everyone else slept. The dogs even looked at me like "lady it ain't time to get up!"* I set the alarm and fell right to sleep. :) The storm did tear up our screen door-- the hinge part that makes it slide shut. So we need to fix that before the appraiser comes to appraise the house. We should be closing by the end of this month. Whoopee! :)

Dh and I are going to one of my managers house in the morning. He is going to mow and trim her lawn and I am going to clean. So with such a busy day tomorrow, I should be heading off to bed now. Goodnight, sweet dreams...

Clomid Day Two and Three

Bitchiness prevails. I'm liable to snap at any and all living things these days. It's awful. And the hot flashes!!! I thought I was going to sweat to death today at work. IT WAS UNBEARABLE! I picked a fight last night with dh and for the love of God I don't know what I was fighting about! Please please please pray that I get pregnant this month. I fear for other people lives if I have to take another round of Clomid.

take the virgin-whore dichotomy quiz.


and go to mewing.net. where we're all studs.

Clomid Day One

Well first pill was this morning. Not feeling to bad. I don't know quite what I am expecting to happen. Well other than getting pregnant. I DO expect that to happen. I was a bit nauseous in the mid morning which I contribute to the clomid. I forgot to take my BBT this morning. Oh well.

In other news, last night I became a Mary Kay consultant. Yes I know this sounds very corny. "ding dong! Avon calling!" But I figure, hey I've already have three jobs on top of trying to keep up with my house, what's one more? Yes the job count for me is up to five: a) my job at the hospital, b) babysitting/dogsitting, c) cleaning houses, d) mary kay, e) taking care of my hunny, dogs, and house. How the hell did my mother do it? Props to her. I'm EXHAUSTED!

This morning we went to Wells Fargo and got a home mortagage!!!! People keep telling me, "congratulations! you're in debt for the next 30 years!!!" WOOHOO~! :)

Bad news struck home today. Am I going to lose my job? We are so slow in surgery tomorrow that they gave me the day off. I have mixed emotions. If we are slow that isn't good because we need to be busy so I can keep my job. On the other hand, I need a day off! :) I'm going to do all of my laundry tonight. In the morning I have a house to clean, and afterwards I'm just going to veg out! Maybe I'll get outside in my yard and do some work, but it's highly doubtful! Also dh informed me that I have webspace on insightbb.com so I can upload some pictures to share with you lovely people! yay! :)

Okay time to get moving. Oh and by the way, Anyone want to buy some Mary Kay products? You know you do! ;)

The blood test was a big fat negative. :( So we are starting a new game...clomid. Let's pray it only takes one month guys. **fingers crossed**

I say ... and you think ... ?

1. Slob:: -by Pig
2. 60:: seconds
3. Personals:: Ad
4. Famous:: Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous
5. Cancer:: July
6. Internet:: Blog
7. Previously:: Known
8. Moonshine:: Really Drunk
9. Ants:: in your pants!
10.Check:: book

It's late but I am updating for Rachel. :) She wanted to know how things went. The cheesecake is delicious... yum. I didn't make the bread because I didn't have apple juice and didn't want to go get any. How is that for lazy? If anybody wanted to know if I'm pregnant ( ;) ) I still don't know! I know the suspense is horrible, isn't it? I went this morning and had my blood drawn.

If you remember, I started taking Prometrium (progesterone) around March 20th or so. I took the progesterone for 23 days with my last dose ending on April 11. :) It is now April 26 and AF has not arrived. This suggests that I may be pregnant. I've taken two HPT now and they have both been negative, but my doctor still wanted the bloodwork done. I found this link though and don't know how to feel about it... Progesterone and No Period. What do you think that means?

It's cold and icky out. Yuck. I'm home from work early. Spent all day trying to teach people the new computer system. Yee haw. I go tomorrow to the hospital to get my blood drawn. Then they will find out if I am pregnant and if so how pregnant I am. Keep your fingers crossed that there is a little pea growing in there. DH is praying cause he doesn't want to do clomid. Since we know my cousin is having triplets and she was on clomid he is a bit scared hehehe. :) I'm more scared of carrying twins and of the risks to me but mostly to babies. :)

I'm making cheesecake right now. And cinnamon apple bread (it's fabulous served warm with butter sugar and cinnamon on top) and brown rice. :) Leftover ham will also be served sometime tonight and I need to do laundry! :) I'll write more later tonight or tomorrow! :)

To take a test or not... that is the question.

Tomorrow is Thursday. One week since the last prego test. Should I take it? I hate the disappointment. I don't know. Hm.... What do you guys think? Should I take the test in the morning?

I apologize for being MIA this week. I'll try and be better. I'm going to rewrite what I wrote yesterday just making sure to save frequently! I only have about 15 minutes. Okay I last wrote on Thursday. Friday I cleaned a house, went to my "normal" job, and then went to babysit. The house wasn't to terribly awful. I would consider it somewhat picked up except in areas where kids are at. It mainly needed dusting and such. I ran out of time so I'll go earlier next week and work on more details. I think by the end of next time or the time after it will be in an excellent condition and more easily maintained. :) I didn't get to blog Friday night because by the time the day was over I was exhausted and went straight to bed!

On Saturday morning, we went to breakfast with my grandparents. We really enjoy eating with them! Afterwards all of us went for a walk in the cemetery with the dogs. My older dog, Gracy, loves to go to the cemetery and chase moles! Ella loves the wide open space to run in. Saturday evening we went and babysat for the usual people. We really enjoy their kids and the 5month old daughter now recognizes us. The little boy adores my husband and the little girl loves to coo and giggle at him. It is so fun to watch him interact with the babies. :) Makes my heart swell. I want to give him one so badly.

Nothing else new. I continue to dislike my job with each passing day. I think if I only had one day off in the middle of the week it would make all of the difference. I would be able to run errands and tend to the house. Once we get the debt paid off I think I am definitely scaling back to partime. After we have a baby I don't intend to work at all. :) Yay! Something to look forward to.

The doctor has prescribed clomid for me. Now if AF would ever arrive it would help. I took my last dose of Progesterone on April 11 so I should have started AF by now. I took a test on the 17th and it was negative so maybe I'll take another one tonight. The doctor is supposed to call today. She may want me to have some bloodwork done. I'm tired of it. I really have just tried to forget about AF. **sigh**

Well I'm off to a meeting now. I'm going to try to get off of work early tonight. Wish me luck. My tummy hurts! :)

Sunday we worked on the house getting it ready for company and I spent most of the day in the kitchen. We had Easter dinner around 4pm. My mom and stepdad, grandparents, and brother in law came. We had spiral ham, corn casserole, green bean casserole, sour cream potatoes, and rolls. Mmmm...

We've been taking lots of walks lately. It has been fun and the dogs really enjoy it. Besides that the exercise makes me feel thin. :)

Okay I'm mad now I had just gone into this HUGE entry and the computer shut itself down. Urghh.. I don't think have time to repeat all of that. I should have saved it before I lost it, dangit.

I'm gonna be okay I think. AF hasn't arrived yet the OBGYN said it is okay for now. Hold out, if it doesn't come in a week, take another test. Do these people realize how long a freaking week is? Obviously not, they are probably one of those people that get pregnant just because they kissed their husband. :( (nothing against those of you who have no trouble getting prego) She did however call in a prescription for Clomid. I asked for it. I'm tired of this. Emotionally I just can't take it. I know that I haven't gone through this nearly as long as everyone else. You all are so brave. It's just that with my previous hx of depression and such, I just don't know how much more of it that I can take before it drives me into the ground for good. I need a bit of happiness. In fact, I deserve a little happiness. We all do. We just don't realize it. But we should though. We are all wonderful.

I told dh this morning to not worry about multiples. I'm not taking shots of clomid, just the oral version *that is if AF ever decides to come* which should lower the risks of multiple births. My rational to him was that if we can't get one what makes him think we would get two? Though deep down inside I think twins would be cool, though a ton of trouble, considering I already have Ella (my puppy!) who thinks that I am her mom. She is so big! She turned 1 year old this month!! Right now Ella is sitting in the chair a few feet away from me. She is pretty tired. Me too. I should go to bed.

Tomorrow I have to get up at the crack of dawn to clean a house. Then I'm off to work, and afterwards, I'm going to babysit. **yawn** I'm tired just thinking about it. Oh! My stepdad is having surgery on his spine tomorrow (they are going through his neck! eek!). So please keep him in your thoughts. I told him it was a walk in the park and for the most part should be easy for him since he'll be knocked out. (thank God for propofol!) heh I also told him it's like walking across the street, millions do it every day. Although once in a while one will get hit by a gravel truck. ROTFL Thank goodness he thought it was funny. :)

Okay off to bed. And if you guys don't mind, will you still keep hoping that I'm pregnant? I know that it's a shot in the dark but maybe it could happen, right Lily? ;) If not, hope that this clomid works right away! Good night and sweet dreams to all. I sometimes wish I could meet every one of you fabulous women who share your lives with me. You guys are truly awesome. Kind of like a sorority (right Dawn?) :) Kappa Kappa Blog *heh I crack myself up!*

It was negative. And quite frankly I wish I hadn't taken it. I knew I wasn't. This just made it more real to me. Depressing.

It didn't work. I took a "generic" pregnancy test this morning and didn't get anything. No lines. Dh asks, "what does that mean?" It means it didn't work, try again next time. I go downstairs and start playing on the computer. A few minutes later ( I believe when he realized it was a generic test) I hear him yelling " Why didn't you buy the expensive test? These are just like throwing money down the drain!" This is funny when you know that my husband is the cheapest man on this Earth. If it comes in generic, he buys it. He would even buy the hard scratchy 1-ply toilet paper if I let him. (And believe me he has tried!)

So today after work I went to Sam's Club and bought a ham and pregnancy tests. 3 EPT tests to be exact. And they were only $15 bucks! For three of them! What a deal! :)

I've been really sore lately and extremely tired. I haven't a clue as to why. Most people are convinced I'm pregnant. I'm not though. I don't think I am to be truthful. It seems like this far off concept that my body is not capable of achieving. Hopefully I'll be morbidly wrong.

Speaking of morbid *hehe* todays inservice at work was presented by a deputy coroner of Marion County (Indianapolis). He gave a very interesting presentation along with very detailed pictures of maggots and mice and people eating dogs. Lovely. Now when I write this I'm feeling great but at the time I felt very sick. Very very sick. (which also led others to believe I am prego) Anyways as he is showing these pictures I'm looking for the nearest exit because I think I have to puke which to be honest is amazing because things like that don't usually make me puke. People puking makes me puke. Not pictures. Not even pictures of decomposing, maggot infested bodies. But enough about that.

So I've got these three EPT tests. I guess I'll wait till morning. Yeah, I'll wait till morning. :) Goodnight ladies and gents, sweet dreams.

I'm still not feeling like myself. :( AF has not shown up and I'm having mixed emotions. I know that if I take a pregnancy test then I'll know but that will bring on even more emotions. For example, if I'm not pregnant besides the fact that I will be terribly upset, I will be worried and anxious as to why I haven't had AF. If I am I'll be so elated that I might actually bust and feel happy. I think I'll go home early today and take the test while dh isn't around. I don't know why but I really feel like it is something I need to do by myself. Is that weird?

My husband found out that he can graduate by December with a degree in general studies. Yeah, it isn't finance and business like he wants, but at least he will have a degree and a chance to either move up in the company he is currently in or change companies. So that is exciting. I'll have to throw him a graduation party. Hopefully by then we will have baby on the way! And I can go back to school and get my degree. **sigh**

It was already 70 degrees when I came here this morning. The awful part about my job is that there are no windows whatsoever. I feel like I am trapped inside a pit. I just want to be home. And I'm absolutely exhausted.

More on my dream. Remember the dream I told you yesterday? Well last night I was fiddling around on the computer trying to pass some time. I went to babycenter and entered in the first day of my last period just for the heck of it! Well that was March 7 and it comes up to say (that if I was pregnant) I would be five weeks pregnant just like in the dream!!! Is that weird? I know that is probably just like some subconscious dream calendar that I have in my head but that is a pretty funky coincedence in my eyes. Could it actually be that I'm pregnant? It's almost a concept my brain can't comprehend. Now if I could only get home to that test...

I'm a bit on the anxious side. Completely irritated and sick of work. I know I say this everyday but I really and truly am sick of it all. I'm not liking the people or the hours or the inconvience. I just want to be home. I think a part of the reason I am anxious is because I'm late. I took my last dose of progesterone on Friday. I should have started by now. That whole Progesterone withdraw thing should have kicked in. But here I sit, Monday afternoon, and AF is no where to be seen. Someone said to take a test but I don't think they realize how hard it is to take a pregnancy test and find out you aren't pregnant. The disappointment is almost unbearable.

I had this dream a few days ago. In the dream I was five weeks pregnant and talking with this girl at work who is also pregnant. The thing that is odd is that this chick and I NEVER talk to each other. I don't think I've ever even said hi to the lady. Weird, huh? And the dream was the kind of dream that was so real. I woke up with a smile on my face just to realize that it was a dream. Only a dream. How sad.

Now if you'll excuse me I must go back to the pit of hell some call work.

Unconscious Mutterings

Compassionate:: Friend
Zodiac:: Sign
Suit:: Zoot
Marble:: Swallow *remember I work in surgery, we usually go after a marble once a week*
Track::Race
Miscellaneous:: Crap
Supermarket:: Sweep
Stone:: Cold
Daylight:: Savings Time
Cap:: Bottle

OUCH! I think I have a UTI. :( I was doing a bit of reading about them and the hubby wanted to know how I got it. Causes are frequent intercourse or pregnancy *and short ureters(girls have shorter ureters than boys)* Hmmm gee maybe I'm pregnant?

Highly doubtful. I know this doesn't sound optimistic but I'm beginning to think that that concept is impossible.

There's no place like home **tap, tap, tap** There's no place like home **tap, tap, tap**....

I want to go home! Work is becoming more boring by the minute. I hate this shift. I don't really giving a flying crap if everybody had to work this shift when they started. It absolutely sucks. Dan had a heart attack which means I may move up to his 7 to 1500 shift while he is away which could be a good thing (obviously not him having a heart attack but me going to days). Maybe once I get there they will see how they don't need me till 1900 and let me work 9a to 5p like I've been begging to. Or maybe they would let me work 10 hour shifts 9a to 1900 and let me have a day of rest. I get nothing done on this shift.

I have so much stuff I want to do at home. I want to work on my sofa covers. Did I tell you that my grandma gave me the old couch my mother had? I put it in the basement in the family room. I want to slipcover that and the sofa in the formal living room. I want to make the blinds with cloth tapes on them for the master bedroom and curtains for the formal living room. I want the blinds in the living room replaced also. I WANT TO GET PREGNANT SO I CAN DECORATE THE SPARE BEDROOM! Obviously the baby would be with us for a long time in our room but he will eventually need a room of his own.

I want it to be warm so I can go out and work in the flower beds and on my pond with the waterfall. I want to put window boxes up outside on the windows that face the deck. I want to paint the picnic table my stepdad gave us.

I want even go into the redecorating I want to do in the kitchen. Sheesh! :) It's time to take the house I grew up in and make it the house I create a home in for my family.

And damnit, I can't do that while I am here at work! I'm going back now to bust my butt and get out of here early! Besides having a few errands to run, it's Thursday. And we all know what that means! PRIME TIME TV!

Suzanne is a Broccoli-Eating Moon Monkey ...with a Battle Rating of 7.3 To see if your Food-Eating Battle Monkey can defeat Suzanne, enter your name:

Yet another Dawn quiz!


You're Betty Grable!


What Classic Pin-Up Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Many thanks to all the ladies who left me comments the other day during my "breakdown" It meant tons. :) And a special thanks to BabyBaby for calling me a princess. I once read a sign that said "sometimes you just have to be the princess you really are" :) And remember BabyBaby, good things come to those who wait. And this may be the only time I am somewhat patient. You are in my prayers and Congratulations! You deserve it!

It's been busy around here! :) Work is slow though and I came home early and hung out with my mother. I ran to Sam's Club and bought a jacket for Papa; tomorrow is his 73rd birthday! The jacket was a nice "three season" with thermal lining. Thought it might come in handy for this crazy Indiana weather and it was only $12! Not that I wouldn't spend tons on my Papa because he is awesome, but we are on a budget people! That and they come over for breakfast like every other day (impending on a princess's(?) (***dangit where is that little cartoon beanmom found when I need it!***) beauty rest BabyBaby!) Yes, they are coming for breakfast in the morning. Buttermilk pancakes, sausage, and eggs I believe. OJ and coffee will also be served. Just call me Suzy Homemaker (although I hate for my name to be shortened) Everybody at work calls me that.

Did I mention that my Papa is the greatest? Him and my father were really close. My dad was his only biological son (they have 6 kids, the first three were from my grandmas previous marriage. From what I hear, the other dude was a real jerk.) We told Papa that the first son we got we were planning on naming Kevin Clayton *** *** after my father. We would have my maiden name and my married name at the end. So it would kinda be like he has two middle names like me. I just tacked my married name on the end without the hyphen! Four really long long names. I must have been crazy! Sometimes I wish I would have met a Smith or Brown or something even shorter. But heck, what fun would it be to go through life with a boring name like Smith or Brown (truly no offense meant to anyone!)? Okay I'm babbling. I'm off to bed. Suzy Homemaker has to be up early to make the world breakfast...

Can we say "robbing the cradle?"

I just finished im'ing with Dawn. She is a neat girl! :) And we are both freaks ;) Isn't bonding with other freaks like yourself just grand?

Hello American Express! Let me tell you a few things.

1) My husband and I are married. We are one. This means that he nor I are primary cardholders. We use the card together and we both pay the bill together.

2) He doesn't allow me to use his password nor does he allow me to use the card. As a matter of fact, I'm the one who holds the checkbook.

3) In the future, kissing the butt of the spouse of the primary cardholder will do you a mountain of good.

It's been a real pleasure doing business with you.

Dawn always finds the neat quizzes! :)





Which of Henry VIII's wives are you?

this quiz was made by the groovy ghouls at Spookbot

My shoes arrived!

I can't take it anymore. Here it is 1am, I'm supposed to be at work in less than eight hours, and I sit here crying because I'm not pregnant. My dh came home and told me that yet another person we know is pregnant. And I really just can't take it! I hurt so bad. I don't know what to do. I have no clue how these women try for years and years and years without success. I feel like this horrible horrible failure. I feel like it is never going to happen. I feel like all this time and effort and pain and meticulous steps are all in vain. Yay I'm not going to die for cervical cancer but since I'm allowing you to live (says God) you can have no babies.

No babies. The two words that frighten me. Those words plague my sleep, threaten lifelong saddness. Could it be that I will never hear the pitter patter of tiny feet running through my house? Will I never look out the window and see my dh playing with my babies and the dogs? WIll I never feel that kick from within, never experience that miracles that only others seem to be doing?

I feel like it's unfair. I feel like I don't deserve this. Hasn't my life been hard enough? I watched my dad die in two weeks from a rare, toxic blood disease when I was nine. I've worked since I was 13, fulltime since I was 16. I never got to do what others did after school, because I was wiping butts in nursing homes. I've missed out on so much. My dad didn't teach me to drive, he never met a date, he didn't see my graduate high school, or even help me move out the first time. Worst of all he didn't walk me down the aisle. The one most important moment in a girls life he was not there. And I MISS him. Damnit! I just want to run and scream.

Why can't this one thing be easy? WHY!? I found out today, in addition to that friend, that this chick at work is pregnant. Not married, and pregnant. And it feels so UNFAIR! I want to scream, "I'm doing it the right way! I'm married! I've found a nice stable home, with a stable guy!" "Are you there God, it's me, Suzanne. Please help! HELP HELP HELP!"

This pain is the worst. The emptiness.Maybe this outrage is just sparked by the extra progesterone they have me on. Or maybe it is the reality that is setting in. Childless Suzanne. I should forget about it. They say stupid stuff like, it happens when you least expect it, or when you arent' trying. Bullcrap. I'm tired of not trying, and I'm tired of trying. Heck, I'm just plain tired. And now all my blog readers think I'm psycho. Damnit.

I'm listed in Blogshares! Go, run, play! :)

Blogger is having issues. That's all I have to say about that.

Life can be so boring sometimes. My weekend came and went to fast. Saturday we ran some errands and then babysat in the evening. Sunday we went to Menards and returned some things. We then bought a prefabricated cabinet and paint and a countertop to go on it (butcher block). We assembled it and made it into our own little buffet to put the hutch on. I really like it too! It is painted a green called cactus green. Kind of resembles a lime cactus color though. :) If I ever find a place to post pictures I'll make sure and get one up so you can see it!

Today was boring at work. We are still really slow with Spring Break. I was done working at 4pm and then had to dodge my supervisor so I wouldn't get sent home. I'm now waiting for my dh. He should be here any minute and I wish he would hurry up! I am starving! I've debated walking across the street to Fazoli's to get something to eat but procrastinated because I don't have my phone with me or the coupons I found for Fazoli's. I'm thinking that some time this week I'm going to get a good book and go over there and have ahuge plate of spaghetti, read, and mooch off of the free breadsticks! :) Maybe he is on his way now... I'll go check.

I'm such a follower!

Unconscious Mutterings

Smell :: Food!
Caramel :: Sundae
Parallel :: Park
Miami :: Beach
Sleep :: Walk
Double :: Dutch
Kiss :: French
History :: War
Vodka :: Daquiri
Click :: Your Mouse

This has been an awfully long week. I clocked a half hour overtime on monday and another half hour today. The husband and I have been carpooling on Monday thru Thursday (did I mention that before?) since gas prices went up. They are coming back down but it is nice to have the time together during the week. :) Not to mention that it is saving bunches of money by not driving the truck everyday. It is expensive to fill that thing! We carpooled today because I am a fool. I get off of work at 19:20 (7:20pm) and he generally gets off between 20:00 and 20:30 (8 and 8:30). Which by the time he gets to where I work, is an hour and a half or so that I wait. I come down here to the library and surf the web, try to post, and catch up on the blogs I can read here from work (some of them are filtered out because of network stupidity.) Today, even though I worked a bit later, I've been waiting what seems like FOREVER!

I did sign up for a blogrolling account. I've added it to my template but I can't see if it works because my blog is one of the "stupidly filtered out blogs." I've been meaning to add a list of links so that people could see who I read and to pay tribute to the wonderful ladies who share their lives with me. But let's face it, I'm HTML stupid and I don't ever seem to have the time anymore.

Exciting baby news is that I bought my Basal Thermometer a few days ago and my temperature spiked this morning. I'm taking it that I'm ovulating considering AF left last weekend. (yes that's right, AF was in town for about twenty days!!!)_We've "taken the necessary steps" to become pregnant (he!he!he!) and now I'm crossing my fingers. I was so excited about the thermometer but even seeing it spike on the graph I started at Fertility Friend has made me giddy and given me a brighter outlook on life! yay!

I have a whole stack of coupons I need to cut out (I swiped them from the coupon box at work. I swear I am the only one that takes coupons out of that thing!) And I want to go to the potty. Everybody have fabulous weekends! I'll try to write more often (I know I say that everytime!) Honestly if I didn't have the stupidest shift in the world (11a-19:20p) then life would be a hell of a lot easier. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that a day shift pops up SOON!

Wow.

Last night was just plain awful. After I wrote last I finished up my lunch hour and went back to the floor and got my evening assignment. I go to check on my rooms and they are having problems and send me up for blood. This pattern continues about four times which equaled 9 units of blood, 1 unit platelets, and 2 units plasma. They started a code and called it about 30 minutes later. :( I always cleaned up dead bodies in nursing homes. Other people couldn't handle it so they would come and get me to do it for them. It's the least I could do, clean them up as best I could so that they could go to the funeral home. One last farewell from me since I loved all the residents and only wanted the best for them. I think this was different because I watched as we tried to save this persons life. I had awful dreams all last night. Dreams about walking around the morgue and dreams about shrouding (basically putting them in a body bag) people I actually knew. It was a long day. I got in the car at the end of the night looked at my dh and just said nothing. We went home and I made cinnamon rolls and milk for dinner, climbed into bed, and passed out. I don't ever want to relive that again, though I know that I will someday.

I guess it kind of amazes people of the rare instances when people do actually die in surgery. Sure lots of TV shows say thats what happened but the reality isn't there. We have cases that go bad and we take them to ICU in bad shape but they don't die on our table. The nurse I was working with has never lost a patient in 32 years of being an OR nurse until last night. We were all a bit edgy to say the least.

Today was thankfully boring. I didn't do a darn thing past 4 o'clock, which was fine by mean. Though rumor has it that tomorrow at the meeting they are going to be announcing that anyone who has no work to do will be sent home. Sucky. I love going home but now that I'm carpooling four days a week I am stuck here to my husband gets off work. (usually about an hour and a half after I get off) Besides that I need the 40 hours so that I can keep paying bills off in massive quantities!

I just bought a pair of shoes off of Shoebuy. That's where I got the shoes that I wear ALL OF THE TIME, but they died a few days ago (though I am still wearing them). They seam is coming apart and my little toe sticks out. My husband bought them last time so I used his membership. This time though the shoes were a total of $36.38 marked down from $50.95. I found a coupon for 20% off on Fatwallet and got an additional 10% off for registering to be a member. yay! :) I love getting good deals. :)

Okay, I'm off to go check on imacmom, beanmom, and bizarro girl. :) Have a spectacular evening!

Okay I've just been awful at updating this thing. I'm sorry. It really has been quite busy. Friday night after work I went and babysat. We babysat again on Saturday and on Sunday we did construction cleanup (which is mighty hard work.) While doing this exhausting manual labor, dh and I began to wonder why is it that manual labor pays less than desk labor. Yeah, yeah I know desk labor requires a degree but manual labor is reallyhard!

This morning we had my grandfather over for breakfast, which was very nice. We had pancackes, sausage, scrambled eggs, and some strawberries. Yum! :) Saturday evening we went and did grocery shopping for the entire month. With our coupons (which were doubled by the store) and the ad savings we saved a total of $40 off of our grocery bill. It was quite lovely. :)

Health wise I am kind of at a standstill. Last week the doctor gave me progesterone which would stop the bleeding (period), but although the bleeding has slowed down, it hasn't stopped. At least I'm not feeling like I am bleeding to death (like I did last week) but seeing that I've now been bleeding for 24 days(!) something really needs to happen. Everybody seems to think that a D&C would help and lots of people have them and then become pregnant almost directly afterwards. But let me remind you that I work in surgery and I do have faith in the people taking care of you but I am scared to death of being put to sleep. I know that it is quite safe and people do it everyday like crossing the street. But let us not forget that some people occasionally get hit when they cross the street!

Even though I don't want to I am calling the doctor. I'm constantly exhausted which could be because I am now anemic from the blood loss. So I really need to give her a heads up, ya know?

I promise to be more faithful and write everyday even if I just don't feel awake enough. I'll force myself to, and usually it makes me feel better and it only takes a few minutes, right?

I picked this up from Dawn:


find your inner PIE @ stvlive.com

Okay, I'm better. I apologize for my mental breakdown yesterday. It has just been a tough road lately. I went to the doctor. It looks like I am not hemoragging and that my body is responding to the glucophage. My insulin is still not normal but has gone down since the last time we tested! yay! She says this is a VERY good sign. They drew my blood for a hemoglobin and though it is on the low side of normal, it is still in the normal range so no D and C. No surgery! Yay! She did make me take today off to just relax and get some sleep and let my body regenerate the nourishment it is losing. She gave me Prometrium, which is progesterone. She thinks that I'm going to get pregnant soon. Yay! So now lets just cross our fingers and hope that I ovulate this month! :) That nap really helped my outlook on stuff today, can you tell? Still tired but not as exhausted as I have been feeling!

I'm an awful awful person. My mother told me today that my cousin is finally pregnant. She has had about three failed attempts at artificial insemination. And I really and truly happy for her, it's just that is so hard. I want to be pregnant so bad. I want a baby in the worst way. I want to call her but I don't want her to feel sorry for me or feel weird. I have been doing so well now that I got my period but that was eleven days ago and I'm still bleeding heavily. Which is bad. I'm going to the doctor tomorrow because Melissa made me. The worst case scenario is that my hemoglobin is really low and I'll need blood and-or surgery to get everything out and hopefully be like brand new. Everybody at work is pregnant. And I do mean everybody. I've never wanted more in my entire life then babies.It is supposed to be so damn simple. You grow up, go to school, get married, have babies. That is the natural progression, right? So why is the one thing that I want more than anything in the world is the one thing that my body is having trouble doing.I can't take it anymore. There are so many people out there that don't want babies or think that babies are a burden and I'd give anything to be pregnant right now. I don't won't surgery, and I don't want to be admitted to the hospital. I want the bleeding to stop, to ovulate, get pregnant, and be done with it. I'm so absolutely sick of going to the OBGYN. I swear my insurance company is sending her kids to college. Why can't I just catch a break? First it was the cervical cancer now the polycystic ovary syndrome. I'm so absolutely tired emotionally and physically. Probably physically because i'm freaking bleeding to death! Though there is some good news that the first pap they did after my surgery showed everything as normal. Two more normal ones and I'll be home free, which means just going once a year which would be grand. That was great news. Now if I can only get out of this without a blood transfusion and surgery. Please keep me in your thoughts, I can't keep up with this much longer...

I'm on call all of this week. I haven't been called in yet, but I find myself waking up a lot at night because I'm worried the pager will go off and I won't hear it! That would be bad. I got here to work today and found out that the night shift guy had called in for tonight! Not good, since I'm on call , that means I have to be here. But another lady volunteered to go home now and come and work tonight. yay! I could have worked it, but that would mean I get off tonight at 7:20 then clock back in at 10pm then out at 6am then in again at 11am and out again at 720 pm. I would have been a walking zombie! Plus, I would miss my husband and puppies to much.

It's wednesday so we have our meeting today. It is usually quite boring and since it is directly after lunch, I always want to take a nap while in there. Oh well. Hopefully time will pass quickly and 7 will be here so I can go home. Lately I just have not been in the mood to work. I'm tired of all the petty whining and bickering between people. Sick of people worrying if they are going to have to do more work than another person. It's ridiculous! I thought I had left that all behind in elementary school. Apparently I was morbidly mistaken. Okay off to the meeting. I hope everybody else has a fabulous day in comparison to mine! :)

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. It was a very long weekend! We didn't do a whole lot. I took Gracy, my older dog, to the vet Saturday am. She is eleven years old! :) They said that whatever we were doing was good because she looks to be in better health than she was last year! yay! She got her shots and a treat and we were on our way. Went to the local police station to register the dogs. I always do that so I can say they are legal and if Ella gets away before we install the invisible fence I want her back! Gracy was never really a problem until recently with wondering. We always just let her out the door and she does her business and comes back. Lately though, if we don't come back and call her in right away she starts to wonder around which isn't good, because I don't want her to get hit!

Sunday I cleaned house for a lady at work! OMG! If I ever thought that my house was dirty I was terribly mistaken! She had dust bunnies the size of soccer balls and cat hair everywhere. I know that my dogs shed (and I have two of them) but this was just plain ridiculous! There was also dried up cat puke all over the house including underneath her bed and on her sheets. I just don't see how some people can live like that?! It wore me out big time, so afterwards I treated my dh and myself to a steak dinner at Texas Roadhouse.

I joined another webring. This one is called Waiting in Faith. It is for PCOS patients trying to concieve. Hopefully I will hear good news from them as opposed to all of the bad statistics I read on the internet which I have stopped reading. I don't like to hear it so I don't do it anymore. All part of my being optomistc plan. :)

Today I'm at work and it is really slow. We only have 12 cases to do today. We usually do close to 40. So I went to half price books and bought the Vagina Monologues. I've been meaning to read it for a while now. If anyone wants to buy it from me for say $7 just let me know. :) I should be done with it by tomorrow since it isn't a long book and I will be here until 7pm tonight with nothing to do. Well I have to get back to work unfortunately. Hopefully my life will get more exciting soon.