Where Am I?

Probably in front of the TV eating. I have this hunger that can not be satisfied. It's starting to get annoying. And if you are wondering the kinds of things I've eaten today? I made beef stew and cream cheese muffins. If you knew me, you'd know that I'm really not one for beef stew. In fact, my mom asked me why I was making beef stew since I don't like it. **shrugs** It sounded good. And it was okay. And the muffins were okay too. The cantaloupe was great but the salsa con queso was a bit salty. I'm already a big girl so all of this eating probably isn't helping. I had fully intended to walk to the PO today (yk, to off set the eating) but it was 95 degrees today. No sir, I won't walk in that heat. So either I'm getting ready for AF, or there is a baby who is jumping on the eating bandwagon.

And unlike last month where I had a definite feeling that things didn't work, I'm lost this month. Some moments I think "nah" and other moments I feel "maybe?" Is it Friday yet?

Popping In

I just wanted to say that on Friday we got some really good news. :) My right ovary, the overachiever that it is, produced three GORGEOUS follicles. They are 19mm, 20.5mm, and 25mm in size respectively.

After talking to my cousin who has the triplets, her follicles were 17mm, 18mm, and 19mm. :) So I'm feeling good about my GIANT follicles. I hurt a lot though, well I did. The pain has eased. I most likely ovulated around 7am this morning.

We triggered on Friday evening. My cousin, L, gave me the shot. This time it didn't hurt so much during the shot, but the next day and even this morning I am SORE! My arms look awful as I think my veins blew on the draws on both Wednesday and Friday. People give me weird looks and I want to say, hey if you think the bruises on my arms are bad, you should see my stomach!

We were told to have "relation" on Saturday and Sunday. I'm hoping that those swimmers don't hesitate to stop for directions. Though, with those GIANT follicles, they won't be missed! They are standing there saying "get me! get me!" LOL And let me tell you, it's weird to be told to have relations with your husband. Really, it is.

So that is the update. On Sept 19th I go for a beta HCG draw. So all of you fertile myrtles, send me some sticky egg vibes! And some baby dust! Oh, and PRAY that those swimmers are man enough to stop for directions and find their way to my GIANT eggs!!!

Random Stuff

The appointment went well yesterday. I'm not going to go into the details, but there are follicles and my estradiol more than doubled again. It was 277 on Monday, and yesterday it was 625. They did increase my meds again. I hope I trigger on Friday, because if not I'll have to buy more meds. Ugh.

In really great news (and bad too) my ovaries really really really hurt. They feel large like golf balls and they are constantly achy. They are heavy and hurt when stepped on by toddlers. My stomach is also getting bruised and battered and my arms look like an IV drug users from the four pokes I've gotten on each doctor visit.

In other news, I've decided that I need to stop sitting in front of the computer so much. I have so much stuff that has to get done like correspondence, reading, some writing, knitting, canning (still), and baking. Not to mention that my house has been slipping because I'm so tired lately. I'm not sure why I'm so tired, maybe my body working to hard to make eggs? Who knows, but if I cut back my computer time, I'll get the other stuff done. In fact this morning, I've gotten the laundry going, vacuumed the carpet in the LR, playroom, and entrance. I've pulled off the cushions on the couch and chairs and vacuumed up stray cheerios. I made Magdalenas breakfast and cleaned the DR table off. I sprayed out poopy diapers and set some in the sun to bleach stains. I've been very productive. So my plan is to get up, check my forum, read email and blogs and then shut the computer off until I've completed a bulk of my tasks. Then I'll check stuff again, and turn it off to do the rest of my tasks. And right before bed, I'll check blogs and email again. Sounds like a plan, huh? Now if I can stick to it.

Also, I've taken over Hip Attachment for Lili. If you haven't been over in a while, go and post! If you aren't registered, well what are you waiting for?

Smells Like Teen Spirit

It's raining here. Katrina is well traveled. The winds are picking up and we are about to catch the worst of her, or what is left of the worst. I love the rain, I hate the devastation it has caused, but ah, the rain. It's going to be glorious to cuddle up in bed with my husband and daughter tonight while the rain pitter patters against the window panes. The great part is that the rain smells like fall. There is a very distinctive smell of summer rain and of fall rain, and this definitely smells like fall. I'm so excited for fall. The beautiful leaves and the cool evenings... **sigh**

Another u/s first thing in the morning. We are getting really close to trigger. My ovaries ache, my head has been pounding since last Wednesday and I'm just ready to have a little baby growing inside of me. Seven, at least one has to stick, right?

A Meme

3 things I bet aren’t in/on your


Fridge:

1) tylenol suppositories
2) a bunch of fertility drugs
3) a convection oven (on top of my fridge)

Desk:
1) a payoff notice for our car loan (we just refinanced)
2) a four keyboards
3) a bunch of syringes

Car:

1) syringe and needle (these treatments seem to be scattered across my life huh?)
2) cheerios (all over the floor)
3) knitting bag full of yarn and projects

Early Response

Okay, so I've been going along and giving myself injections every day. I'm taking 125 units every night. Saturday morning I went to have an u/s and bloodwork. We saw several follicles and my estradiol level was 135. (They like your estradiol to be around 100.) So alls well.

Today I went back for another u/s and bloodwork. (I'll be going every other day until trigger.) We saw big fat follicles! I'm not going to spit the number out, but I'm going to make you work for it. I'm going to ask you a question and the answer is the number of follicles. Ready?

How many dwarfs were in Snow White?

I'll wait for you to get up off the floor when you figure out the number! :) My estradiol level is 277 today! (They want it to double every two days!) All follicles are between 12mm and 14mm in size. They want the follicles to be 18mm in size to trigger. So they are stepping up my meds to 150 tonight and tomorrow. Wednesday is another u/s and we may trigger sometime between Wednesday and Friday! :)

So, I'm going to need all the baby dust, sticky egg, healthy sperm, stars in the right line VIBEs you can send me! So excited!

**yawn**

I'm tired. I'm usually not tired anymore during the day. Yesterday I took a nap with Magdalena. I've even been laying her down early because I am so tired. It sucks to take these naps though, because that is when I have peace and quiet and time to sit and knit and just be by myself. With Erich gone a lot, I need those two or three hours to just regain myself. ugh.

Pokey the Pincushion

You guys seem to like it when I talk about my treatment rather than my boring chit chat. :) No worries, I know I'm boring. **wink** And truthfully the most exciting thing happening right now is my infertility treatment. Anywho.

Last Thursday, I had my drug conference. We went over how to give the shots and such. I found out that we aren't going to do Repronex (cheap injectibles) like we had previously thought. We are moving straight to the expensive stuff, Follistim AQ. From what I gather from Dr. Google, Repronex was a drug that imitates follicle stimulating hormone. (the hormone that "grows" follicles) The drug that I am taking, Follistim, is actually follicle stimulating hormone. Everyone with me here?

So anyway, after lots of drama talking to my insurance company and getting connected to the people who need to send me the drugs and reminding them that they are paying for them all, I got somone to agree to send it to me by Tuesday (yesterday.)

So last Thursday, we did my baseline u/s. My ovaries look normal, I definitely released the last eggs. In each ovary there were four (or so) tiny follicles. No cysts, so we are free to move on.

So yesterday I started poking myself. It really isn't that bad though. I managed to put it in a place that was numb (from my csection) and everything was dandy. Today it felt like a pinch, but I have a bruise now too so I think I may need to switch to the other side. That sucks, because the other side isn't quite so numb. My cousin (the one with triplets) called me a chicken. Heh.

So I'm feeling good right now. Glad to be moving forward, and I feel confident and calm about this cycle. I can't predict what will happen. All I can do is hope and pray and take care of myself and trust that Something Good Will Happen. Let's all keep chanting "Augusts pain brings Mays babies..." (And yes, I said babies. What's your point? Darnit if I have to poke myself every day for 9-12 days and then have another big shot and several vaginal u/s I better get 2 for the price of one! heh. )

On Saturday, I have a vag u/s and bloodwork. At that point they may or may not adjust my meds. I go back again on Monday for the same thing. We are looking at a tentative trigger date of next Wednesday, but that is highly subjective.

I'm off to bed. And feel free to ask me questions if I left something out that you really want to know. ;)

I am too Intellectual! :)

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Your personality type is SLOAN

You are moderately social, moderately moody, moderately organized, accommodating, and non-intellectual, and may prefer a city which matches those traits.

The largest representation of your personality type can be found in the these U.S. cities: Charlotte, Harrisburg, Cleveland, Memphis, Cincinnati, Kansas City, Dallas/Ft. Worth, Richmond, Philadelphia Area, Greenville/Spartanburg, Reno, Indianapolis and these international countries/regions Luxembourg, Bulgaria, Ukraine, Turkey, Taiwan, Iceland, Hong Kong, South Korea, Portugal, Philippines, India, Guam, Canada, England, Indonesia, Japan

What Places In The World Match Your Personality?
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Flickr...

I'm posting photos in batches over at Flickr. You have to be a friend to view my photos, so if you want to see them then leave a comment with your user name and I'll add you as a contact. I hope you all understand why we're doing this. With all of the talk about people ripping off photos and using them for gross purposes, Erich and I feel a bit safer behind closed doors so to speak. And it won't be a problem as long as I know you. :) If you are a lurker, please leave a bit about yourself or direct me to your blog.

There will still be the occasional photo here, but the bulk will be at Flickr. I know you can't get enough of my gorgeous daughter. Flickr accounts are free, so go on now, go sign up. **wink**

Harvest

I'll be canning for the next few days. Look for me then. :)

Party Pooper

I'm around, but feeling a bit sorry for myself these days. It seems everywhere I turn around online someone is pregnant or just had a baby. And so consequently I'm feeling all whiney and bitchy and generally not happy about the situation I'm in. I know that nobody enjoys being infertile, but seriously, this bites the big one. Man I hope this next cycle works.

You would not believe how incredibly excited I am about this movie coming out! It is absolutely my favorite musical of all time! Have I ever told you guys that I was a vocal performance/music education major? Well, I was. :)

Yay!

Isn't this exciting?

And it's so close to me! You can bet your bottom dollar that when I have another baby (or two!) I'll be out there donating all my oversupply. I totally qualify to (except for not birthing in the past 12 months.) But seriously, I'll be a frequent visitor. ;)

HSG was very very very painful. Ouch. Oh. Ouch. But I saw my ovaries and my tubes and they are hanging out in there going "hello! We are perfect and waiting for a baby! Send something my way!" Ms. Uterus is very angry with me right now saying things like "how dare you send such vile stuff up here in my beautiful home. Now I must clean with a vengence!"

Dr. declared my uterus perfect and normal. Woot. :) SO the plan... that's what you're all waiting for right? :)

Thursday I go in for a drug conference. They teach me how to inject drugs into my flabby (yet partially numb) tummy. (I had a csection and yes part of my nerves never really got the hint to start working again.) They'll give me all the stuff to order my meds. Once the meds arrive I can stop the birth control and five days later start the injections. No waiting to bleed! yay! In a perfect world, I can stop the pills in anticipation of the day the send the drugs and start the next day. ;) This is all dependent on Erichs erm sample coming back A. OK. But I'm not really worried about that. :)

Like A Boob In A Torn Bra...

I'm outta here. I'm off to have my uterus shot up with radioactive dye. I hope your day is as good and even better than mine!

If You Didn't Know Already

Being 18 months old is really hard work.

Oops

The other day I playfully smacked Erich on the bottom with a spatula while we were all in the kitchen making dinner. Well, Magdalena picked up on it and did it a few times just laughing. We all laughed. When she seemed to be getting to rough, we'd gently remind her to "play gently, be nice!"

Just a few minutes ago, she found a play spatula from her little kitchen and came up and smacked me on the bottom and giggled! All I have to say is, um, oops.

Google Meme

Because I wanna be like Julee.

Google your name in quotes with an "is" -- ex.: "(your name) is" -- pick your favorite ten responses and post them.

1)Suzanne is hitting the road this summer

2) Suzanne is able to paint a palpable picture of the status of corporate coaching, define critical issues and provide tips for successful execution of coaching initiatives.

3)First, Suzanne is definitely not a Korean name; it's a Western or American name.

4)Suzanne is a natural teacher and believes her job is to facilitate others in becoming their own authority so they can heal their own lives and create a life with meaning and purpose.

5)Suzanne is a breeder of German Shepherd dogs, usually producing one litter per year.

6)Suzanne is currently unavailable for consultations (in person or by phone).

7) Suzanne is a highly sought after agent in the Santa Barbara and surrounding areas.

8) I love the fact that Suzanne is truly a poet not just a song smith.

9) 'I Am Suzanne' is an astonishing film, one of the most original movies I've ever seen ... and yet it reminds me of several others.

10) Chez Suzanne is a cozy two bedroom apartment sitting at the foot of a tiny medieval hill village known for the ruins of the Marquis de Sade’s chateau. (this one is the coolest!)

Well, I tackled the embroidery machine. And it simply rocks. I ordered the necessary software that I needed and I'm done for the week until it gets here. I opted to not use sew on tags for my diapers and just use an embroidered label. That way it never tears off or washes out. I HATE when I have a WAHM diaper that I can't identify because you can no longer read the label. With the embroidered label, there shouldn't be any of those problems. :)

Erich has been gone since 8am this morning. He had two service calls for the computer repair business and then was going to drop off a fixed computer and come home. Well at about 2pm he called to tell me that there was a third call. At 4ish he said he was going to get the repaired computer (he had to stop at the shop to get it and such) and then was coming home. Well, he just called and said that he had dropped off the repaired computer but there is now a 4th call to go to. Urgh. It's awful to have him away so long. It is really nice that he is making so much extra money and that we will be able to pay down bills and such but we miss him. And it's so hard to be without an extra parent all week long.

Okay I'm done rambling. Since I've been working on the embroidery machine most of the day I haven't done much around the house. We had to make an emergency trip out of town because I broke a needle on my serger and I didn't have a spare, so that ate up a bunch of time too. All I really want to do though is curl up on the couch and watch TV.

Random Stuff

So. Lots going on here. Magdalena is continuing to use the potty while at home and doing really really well. She even took initiative to just go to the potty chair and sit and use it yesterday instead of coming to tell me first. I don't see her completely potty training at this point, but it's nice to not have to rinse the poopy diapers and have less laundry to do.

Erich has been working a lot. His friend started a computer repair business and Erich has been in on it the entire time. This last couple of weeks has really picked up and we just don't see him anymore. This has been rough for me with the anxiety of my 2ww and the let down of AF showing up. But I can't even tell you how hard this has been for Magdalena. She really really misses her Daddy. As a result she has been pitching fits and has been super super clingy. She never cries when I leave generally. Yesterday I was leaving her with Erich to run to the bank and Erich says she lost it. So, it's been a tough week.

I'm so proud of Erich though. He has taken on a lot and has really helped us out. He just handed me a check to deposit and it's enough to clear off all the debt on one credit card. I'm giddy about paying this off. I know he is happy about it too. And I am actually imagining the next debt we are going to pay off.

The insurance guy is coming over in a bit. I saved us a ton of money by switching to Geico. JUST KIDDING! You have all heard that commercial right? LOL We had Geico once and didn't like it at all (sorry Manda!). Anyway, I called the guy and had him add home insurance to our policy with them. (Previously we only held auto policies with this guy) We saved like $200 by switching the insurance and then saved $100 on the auto policy. I also took off some stuff on our auto insurance that was really really stupid and then I added the stuff for my home biznaz. So I saved us a grand total of $600. Wowee that felt good. That's like a week and a half of work man. So I get to just lounge the rest of the week right? Nope.

I got my embroidery machine Monday. I've been trying to sit down and really get it going but a number of things have been standing in my way. A) Magdalena is super clingy and not really into me sitting in front of my machine. B) The embroidery machine is a bit intimidating. There I said it. It's all computerized and fancy-schmancy. It threads itself! How cool is that! If Erich gets a couple of hours to play with Magdalena I am so going downstairs to conquer that mountain. C) I need to sew diapers.

Definitely going to go get some stuff after the insurance leaves and then I'm going to cut fabric to make some diapers. Are we all getting excited about my store opening? I am! Things are falling into place nicely. I've finished the pattern for my knitted soakers. I have a friend working on a pattern for crocheted soakers. I've found a place to supply yummy soaps and powders and lotions and such. Oh! It's so lovely and exciting!

Okay, I'm going to go eat a cookie. I deserve it. Then after the insurance guy comes I'm going to go pick up my birth control. Do you remember the Seinfeld episode when Jerry and Elaine are in a big fight over things that had happened when they were dating? It was about being in the bedroom and finally Elaine comes over and says "we have to have sex to save our friendship!" and Jerry says "sex... to save the friendship? sex to save the friendship..." That's how I feel right now. "birth control.. to get pregnant." LOL

Plan B

I started bleeding this morning. I knew this was coming last night as I started spotting. I'm feeling a bit better though I'm still pretty sad. I'm starting birth control tomorrow to put me in a holding pattern so I won't develop any follicles. Next week, I'll have an HSG and Erich will have a sperm analysis. Once we get the plan of action layed out, we'll order meds. Once we have all our meds, I'll come off of birth control and then bleed and start the new cycle.

In other really great news, Magdalena has started using the potty a lot! Yesterday she started asking for it and had lots of pees. This morning she asked and peed in it then asked again a few minutes later and pooped in it! She gets off then looks in the potty, grins really big and says "yay!" It's really too cute.

I Didn't Know It Was Possible

I didn't know it was possible to be this tired. I'm dragging! Oh My Word. I know I've been complaining a lot about it, but seriously, something has got to change.

And I'm incredibly annoyed by the majority of the population right now. This is really annoying the crap out of me. Along with just being generally annoyed with most people. I'm hoping that the exhaustion and irritation are signs of Something Very Good. But we won't know for a while.

So since I am so whiney, tired, and irritable, I'm going to lay low for a few days. Look for me next Thursday. If I appear at other times, consider it a gift from me to you.

Is It August Yet?

Oh My Goodness! It's HOT! The high was 101 degrees with heat indexes around the 120 mark. It's HOT. And miserable. Ugh.

I'm stinking exhausted. Seriously, I'm dragging big time. I just can't seem to get enough sleep. I wake up in the morning feeling like I just went to sleep. This sucks!

The current state of my uterus remains unknown. I get twinges now and then but nothing major. My temp is holding itself well above coverline. Only time will tell. And I'm really not grooving on Father Time right now. Can we fast forward to a week from Thursday?

Questions and Answers

Mama Bear asked why we would move on to Plan B if Plan A didn't work the first month. So here is why:

This really isn't the first month of Plan A. Plan A is clomid. Most will remember I did two rounds already, one in February and one in March. These were unassisted. They gave me the clomid and sent me home. Last month (June) we took 100mg of clomid a day for five days. On the 12th day of my cycle I went in and had an u/s and it revealed that no follicles had developed. We waited for my period to move on. On July 6th, I started to bleed. On cycle day 3 I started Clomid at 150mg a day for five days. Monday was cycle day 13 (cd 12 was on Sunday and they don't work that day) and I had my u/s. We found two follicles, one in the left and one in the right, and many other smaller follicles. I was given a Novarel// HCG trigger shot on Tuesday to tell my body to release the follicles. On August 4th I go back for blood work.

If I start to bleed or don't get pregnant, than they will move me to Plan B which is injectable fertility drugs. We would start with Repronex. The theory is that even though I made follicles with Clomid, Repronex would mature more follicles. Instead of two mature and two other little ones, there would be 4 mature. 4 follicles would give me a much better chance at conception since it isn't like all would conceive and/or stick.

My personal prophet Erich feels like "he achieved the goal." I think he is full of crap. We shall see!

Oh, and since Wednesday night I haven't had anymore ovary pain. I felt a bunch Wednesday around midnight followed by a release of pressure (that is what it felt like!) Since then I've had a few twinges here and there, but nothing big. Only time will tell.

Oh, My Aching ...

ovaries. There is definitely something going on in there. Lots of pressure, pain, tenderness and a general feeling of heaviness. I felt like that with Magdalena. Like my follicles were the size of rocks. So in my body right now my body is applying super power hormones (injected yesterday via my patookie as T calls it) to the follicles that have developed. The follicles should burst within the next 6 to 8 hours sending an egg out and into my fallopian tube. Hopefully the tubes fingerlike parts will sweep it safely into the tube where it will be greeted by Erichs boys. (yes, they should already be waiting there. heh) And don't worry, if they aren't there now, there shall be more visiting very soon. ;)

If I'm lucky, both eggs will be released allowing a greater chance for conception. We won't know anything for TWO weeks. Man. That's a stinking long time. And I can't even start testing soon because they will be false positives due to the trigger I took yesterday.

It is pretty cool that two days ago I saw follicles inside my body that could possibly turn into half of my son/daughter (s). It's pretty wild. I can say, "I saw you before you were even concieved!" Now that's crazy!

August 4th I go back to the office to have my blood drawn for a pregnancy test. I have to be there by 8 (I'm sure I'll be pounding the door to get in!) and they run the pregnancy tests daily (thank goodness!). I should know something by 5pm on August 4th. Mark your calendars. This is where it gets a wee bit tricky. If it's negative you'll know as soon as I know because I'll post. If its positive and the results come after Erich leaves for work, then you won't know until the next day. K?

And all of that information is pointless if I start to bleed before August 4th at which point we move onto Plan B. Plan B is painful and time consuming, so let's all hope Plan A works, k?

Trigger Happy

Yesterday was the worst ovary pain day yet this cycle. Ugh. It makes me happy that those eggs are still growing and such, but ouch! Today we triggered. What I thought would be a simple poke in the butt, ended up being a bit more complicated.

For those of you who have never triggered ( you lucky dogs) , you have two vials of stuff and a syringe and medicine. Now Erich is a big fat chicken so I had my cousin do the shot. So I drive over there and we reconstitute the med (one vial is a powder like substance which is the medicine, the other is a sterile water type solution, you mix this stuff up and poof! egg inducing juice!). We read the pkg and start talking and realize that I need a 10,000unit shot but the syringe only holds 3,000units. So I'll pause while you do the math on how many shots with the 3,000 unit syringe it would take to get up to the 10,000. **short pause**

Right, 4 shots! Ouch. Now, I hate shots to begin with and four sounded like no picnic. Not to mention that that needle isn't going to be as nice and pointy, as it was the first time going in, the last time. So we call the pharmacy and mention what's going on. They politely inform me that they only have syringes like I have instock. They are nice people though and tell me they can have one in for me tomorrow! So sweet of you, but I NEED IT TODAY!!! SO I ask them to call the hospital pharmacy and beg them for me then please call me back.

So we stick my egg juice in the fridge and wait a minute or two for the phone to ring. When it does, they tell me that the hospital pharmacy does have them and that I can go out there and get one. He mentions that they said a bag of chocolate might be nice. Heh.

So I head over to pick up a bag of chocolate. I know they were kidding, but they are being nice and giving me a syringe without asking for my husbands hard earned money. And darnit, I'll do anything to get pregnant, yk?

So with Reese PB Cups in hand I go in and get my syringe and hand over the chocolate. They are very surpised and happy and tell me "good luck with your egg juice!" and tell me to come back any time for more egg juice holding syringes. Such sweet folks yk?

So I head back to my car, and drive back to my cousins house where my daughter is circling the house saying "mommy! mommy!" Did I also mention that it is freaking HOT outside and that it is HUMID and I'm on CLOMID and I'm ON FIRE!? Well, now you know. ;)

So we fill up the gigantic egg juice holder with egg juice and she shoves it into my well padded rear. And let me tell you, that was a TON of egg juice. Ouch. And now I sit here typing this. My stomach is turning, I don't feel so good, and my butt hurts. You never think that this is how your baby making experience is going to be, but oh well.

So I'm going to ask you send me some egg releasing vibes, healthy spermy vibes, and sticky egg vibes. (I know! I ask for so much don't I! You all are starting to sound like my husband. heh.)

We Struck Gold!

My ovaries are having a good day. :) Ladies, there are TWO EGGS! ! One in the right and one in the left and "a bunch of other little ones"!!! For those of you who like numbers, the right side egg is 16.5mm and the left is 14.5mm and the endometrium lining is a whopping 15mm. So I have a very thick lining which is good. We trigger tomorrow! Excuse me while I dance around the room and dream of an April baby! (Or babies? **gasp**)

There's More Than Corn In Indiana....

There's HUMIDITY! OH MY GOODNESS! It is currently 6:20am and 77 degrees outside. It wouldn't be bad if the humidity wasn't 93%. Wowza. Just wait, the high should be 90 degrees. Have you ever sat in 90 degree weather with 93% humidity? It isn't pleasant. And with my elevated body temp, I'm already constantly hot indoors!

You may be wondering why I'm up this early. I'm about to head out and take a look in the deepest darkest parts of my body. My ovaries and I have a love-hate relationship. We'll see if this is a good day for them...

18 months (almost)

We had our 18 month well check today. Everything is great. Magdalena weighs a whopping 21lbs and is 30.5 inches tall. She is a petite little thing but hanging on to her growth curves of 25th and 10th percentile. :)

He was very impressed with her words and her initiative on potty training. When he picked her up to take her to the other side of the room and watch her gait, she RAN back to me. He thought that was really funny. We are officially the longest breastfeeding couple in the history of his practice! That puts a gigantic smile on my face. :)

Let's see. She received two shots and I'm happy to say we are done until she goes to school! Yay!

Right now I'm working on dyeing some flat diapers. It's for my business. We are having our grand opening in August 2005! So head on over to our site and sign up for the yahoo mailing list! If you forgot where we are:

Cloth Beginnings

My life is just incredibly exciting right now, huh? On Monday, we go look deep inside my body and see if there is anything growing. :) Erich thinks that there is something in there this time. I'll tell you that Erich is a prophet. heh. When I was newly pregnant with Magdalena, but hadn't tested yet, he swore up and down that I was pregnant and I refused to even think that. People, this was a few days after ovulation. He just knew I was pregnant, and he was right. So hopefully he is right this time too. Of course, after he tells me he thinks there are eggs in there I follow up with a zillion questions like "do you really think so?" or his favorite "are you just saying that to make me happy/so I'll shut up?" Believe me, he loves it when I ask a million questions like that. :)

Anyway, send me juicy egg thoughts. :) Even if they aren't fully ripe and ready to trigger on Monday, I'm so totally cool with that. As long as there is at least one in there (and dare I hope for two?)

Slacker

I'm a slacker. That is all there is to it. My birthday was Monday. It was okay. Tuesday Magdalena and I left for Tennessee to help my Nana pack. We were there for four days and it was a very long four days! We both missed Erich terribly, but Magdalena missed him a lot more. She regularly walked up to doors and asked "Daddy?" or brought me the phone and said "Daddy?" She was so happy to see him!

My cycle started Wednesday while we were gone. I started the heavy duty clomid on Friday. Yesterday I started having some intense ovary pains. I'm still having some and I feel like I'm in a constant state of heat. I want to say that that is what it was like when I took the clomid that eventually led to Magdalenas conception. Not heat flashes, just a constant heat. I'm not sure, I should go look.

Erich woke up this morning complaining of a sore throat. He says it is because we have the a/c running in the bedroom with a fan blowing. Like I said, I'm hot. So tonight he says no fan. Damnit. How will I sleep? Probably not well.

Magdalena is kinda sorta potty training. At least every other time she announces "uh oh" if she peed. The other times, she tries to take her diaper off then sit somewhere and pee. I'm definitely not ready for this. She has a little baby bjorn potty now ( I wanted to just use the small seats on the toilet, but she is so itty bitty she needs an itty bitty potty). She's peed in it several times since yesterday. So we'll see where things go. I'm definitely not actively trying to potty train her. Erich and I are just letting her lead the way, yk?

An Update

I've really neglected telling ya'll whats been going on. I'm sorry. It's been a crazy, busy, rough couple of weeks to say the least. Anyway, here goes.

The Plan: When I saw the RE he thought that maybe the signal was getting crossed between my brain and my ovaries. He thought my brain simply was not triggering the eggs. So he said he'd be nice and we'd skip the semen analysis and the HCG since he knew we could get pregnant and the main problem is my ovaries. The plan was (and is) to do two rounds of clomid. The first at 100mg, if not pregnant up to 150mg. On Cd 12 we would do an u/s to see follicles then have a simple trigger shot. If after 150mg I'm not pregnant I have the choice to do another cycle of clomid or stop, get the SA and the HCG and then move on to injectable drugs.

The Outcome: I took my 100mg of clomid on CD 3-7. On CD 12 I went in for the u/s and we saw.... NOTHING. No follicles at all. It appears my ovaries tried to make eggs, but they failed. So we are moving on to more Clomid.

I've always talked about the first time I ever ovulated, I got pregnant. I (we) are now thinking that these past three cycles with clomid probably haven't made me ovulate, which would be why I didn't get pregnant. See the train of thought here?

So as soon as my period starts, we'll start 15omg of clomid daily and then go back for another u/s on CD12. So if you pray or whatever, please send us big fat follicle vibes. I feel pretty worthless right now and awful and sad and angry.

Oh, and Monday (July 4th) is my birthday.

New Blog

I started a craft blog! You can visit it here:

http://threadingtheneedle.blogspot.com/

It's A Small World

I have a lot to update you on. Magdalena had a very rough weekend. Today was better and I had a great appointment with the RE. I'm so excited. (And as of 11:24pm Tuesday, I do not know if I am pregnant or not, ok?) :)

But, I wanted to write this entry and tell you about this warm fuzzy feeling I am going to bed with tonight. I just read about how Mani enjoyed the memory I created for us. And I find it incredibly amazing that this woman and I have never met, yet we have walked the same paths here in Indiana. This weekend I went to my Moms house. She lives with her Husband near the reservoir where Mani grew up. I couldn't help but think about how Mani had most likely been there at one point in her life. Mani and I have never met, yet I know details of her life and she knows a great deal of my life. We share these great friends in the computer. We are all brought together by sharing the same beliefs.

When I think of all these great women whose blogs I read, who I chat with online, who I communicate with via forums, I'm overwhelmed at how lucky I am to be in any sort of contact with. And I can't help but giggle like a school girl when I realize how lucky I am to be loved by Mani. :) heh.

For Mani

01. Reply with your name and I will write something I like about you.

I like your strength.

02. I will then tell what song/movie/icon reminds me of you.

I can't think of anything, but really I don't think I could think of anything for anyone. :)

03. If I were to apply an o'clock to you, I'll tell you what it would be.

I'd say 6 oclock or the time around a sunset.

04. I will try to name a single word that best describes you.

Beautiful.

05. I'll tell you the most memorable moment I've had with you.

Since we haven't met, I'll create a memory.
Mani, do you remember that time that we took my Step Dads boat out on the Salamonie Reservoir? We spent the day soaking up the sun, swimming, and just talking about everything we could possibly think of. It was so great just to hang out and enjoy a hot humid Indiana day without a care in the world.

06. I will tell you what animal you remind me of.

A lovable Puppy.

07. I'll then tell you something that I've always wondered about you.

I've always wondered what it's like to be a Midwife Student, to live on the East Coast. I wonder how you made the transition from Indiana to the East Coast and what was it like?

08. Put this in your journal.

Infertility Beast

Manda enquired about my TTC journey. And well it's a little bit screwed up. See this cycle started on May 10. Remember? So, I thought I ovulated on schedule and should have started bleeding on Tuesday (the 7th). Well, I didn't and I wasted my husbands hard earned money on pregnancy tests that I always tend to fail. So I decided that this really sucks. (Believe me, I'm pretty sure that 'stuff' is not the word I most likely used.) Erich was talking about new jobs and such and I started to think about our insurance and how completely AWESOME our insurance benefits are right now. So I thought "hey idiot, considering half the year is almost over, maybe you should see what IF benefits are covered under said great insurance plan." So I called the insurance company, and the polite young man on the other end informed me that they would pay for testing, diagnosis, AND treatment 100%. Wow. So after I picked myself up off of the floor, I called the reproductive endocrinologist that I had been referred to. I asked the nice lady on the other end to make me an appointment. She asked me how soon I wanted the appointment. I thought that at first this was an incredibly silly question since I thought that it would take months even years to get an appointment. Imagine my surprise when she told me she had an appointment on the 14th. Um, wow. Okay. So I made the arrangements for my Mom to watch Magdalena during this time. The RE is about 45 minutes away so I'll be gone probably 3 hours. I've never left Magdalena for 3 hours with someone else so that makes me a bit nervous. I've also never left her for 3 hours and then left town, so that makes me a bit nervous to. But she loves my Mom and everything should be fine.

Back to my chart. So, I call this wonderful doctor who has great potent fertility drugs and make an appointment. A little later, I'm updating my chart and fertility friends decides that no I did not ovulate on CD 14 but on CD 21 and that I shouldn't test until next Tuesday ( the 14th). Do we all remember what happens on teh 14th? Yup, my appointment with the RE. Now if I come up pregnant the day I'm scheduled to arrange for potent fertility drugs I'll never stop laughing.

Questions and Answers

I need to address the comments that were left while I was on vacation.

Simone asked:

I'm curious to know is the hurt of TTC failure is as raw now as before Magdelena? The fact that you have her, doesn't make it easier? Maybe harder?

The pain is the same and different. It's hard to dwell on the pain and anxiety and failure that every women TTC with problems faces since Magdalena is constantly running around and laughing and playing. She really makes it easier because I actually have a baby and I will always have her. She brings me up when I am down. But she makes it harder. Since I now know what it is like to have that tiny baby kicking inside of me, I know what I am missing. And I desperately want to give her a playmate, someone to laugh and play with. I want to give her a sibling so that they can be close and count on each other. Some day Erich and I will be gone and I want to provide a bigger family for Magdalena so she will still have someone "on her side." I sometimes feel very selfish for wanting another child knowing that I was very lucky to get one. Some infertile women or women who face fertility hurdles, aren't as lucky as me. I can only describe the pain as getting your ears pierced. When they pierced the first one, it hurt, but it didn't seem as bad really because you didn't know quite what to expect. But when the pierced the second one, it hurt much worse. You knew the poke was coming, you knew what to expect, and you already flinching in anticipation of the pain.

Tina made this comment:

"Maybe you need to stop trying. Sometimes from the sheer stress of the situation is enough to keep you from getting pregnant. I've heard of many couples who try for a year or two with no pregnancies and when they finally stop, BOOM they're pregnant."

I'm going to assume that Tina only meant the best by this comment. But any woman who has had trouble conceiving will tell Tina that that comment hurts a lot. That comment makes it seem as if there is actually nothing wrong with my body and that it is all in my head. By making that comment, you deny me the right to grieve that my body doesn't work like the population who "fall pregnant." To make you understand this I've come up with this completely extreme situation.

So let's say my friend Jane is in kidney failure. She was put on a list for a kidney transplant and every day she worries and frets. She wonders, will this be the day I get my kidney transplant? She tells me how sad she is that she hasn't gotten a kidney yet and how bad it hurts to know that her body has failed her. So I come in and (trying to be helpful) tell her that maybe she should just relax. I tell Jane, " you are stressing out about this kidney stuff to much! Just relax, sit back and enjoy life. I'm sure as soon as you stop worrying about a kidney transplant, BOOM that phone will ring! It happens every day. "

Now that example is pretty wild and out there and I hope that I can safely assume none of you would ever say that to someone in renal failure. But that is exactly how I feel when someone tells me to stop complaining.

Stopping In...

Sorry, lots going on. My list of things to talk about here is growing but not today. Today I awoke to the sound of a vomiting baby. Vomiting right beside my head. It's amazin how quickly Erich and I can jump out of bed and get moving when awoken by the sound of vomit. Her fever has been 103 all day long but it finally seems to have broken and she is showing interest in food again. yay. More tomorrow.

Sounds Like Fun

01. Reply with your name and I will write something I like about you.
02. I will then tell what song/movie/icon reminds me of you.
03. If I were to apply an o'clock to you, I'll tell you what it would be.
04. I will try to name a single word that best describes you.
05. I'll tell you the most memorable moment I've had with you.
06. I will tell you what animal you remind me of.
07. I'll then tell you something that I've always wondered about you.
08. Put this in your journal.

Comments, Questions, and More

There are comments that need to be addressed. :) I will get to it. We are still on vacation. Everything is going well and we are having fun. We were in Kansas City, MO up until yesterday. We left there and drove through St. Louis (during rush hour. heh. fun?) and are in Metropolis, IL, home of SUPERMAN! :) I want to go to the Superman museum before we leave. We're headed to Nashville, passing through, and will end up in Knoxville. We are headed up to see Gatlinburg on Thursday. And we are staying with grandparents tonight and tomorrow night in Knoxville. We'll be headed back to Indiana on Friday. I'll address the comments then, k?

Update

Okay, I finally got off my butt and started. I took a small tiny cat nap. You know the kind, where you can hear the TV in the background and you wake up and don't think you have slept any until you realize that the TV is on a different show. I'm about 3/4 of the way through the laundry. It shouldn't take to much longer. I've vacuumed the LR, fed Magdalena and myself, and picked up all the stuff. We ran errands and hit the bank and filled the gas tank up in the car. Next on my list is to do the dishes and finish cleaning up the kitchen. Then my mom should be here and her and Magdalena can pack the bag of toys. While they are doing that I can pack the clothes and such. Then I'll bathe Magdalena and pack up the toiletries. Then once Magdalena is asleep I'll load the car. And then Erich should be home and we'll shove off. I still have a lot to do, huh?

I Shouldn't Be Here

I should be packing, cleaning up my house, and doing massive amounts of laundry. But I'm not. I'm here, piddling around on the computer checking blogs and reading forums. Magdalena is just laying beside me too.
We'll be leaving tonight at midnight and traveling all night. In between laundry, cleaning, and packing I should take a gigantic nap. :)

I Shouldn't Be Here

I should be packing, cleaning up my house, and doing massive amounts of laundry. But I'm not. I'm here, piddling around on the computer checking blogs and reading forums. Magdalena is just laying beside me too.
We'll be leaving tonight at midnight and traveling all night. In between laundry, cleaning, and packing I should take a gigantic nap. :)

Sadness and other things

Time just seems to fly. Here is a recap of what we have been doing.

Saturday we left early and went to a festival. We did some shopping and got a few things that we needed/wanted. Erich bought a really nice executive chair and I'm calling that his birthday present. (His birthday is on the 22nd of June.) We ate dinner here and it was delicious! Erich wasn't a fan but I liked the dish I had. When we went home we did some major reorganizing. We finished the floor in Erichs office/guest room downstairs. We moved the sewing room which was on the main floor to the downstairs into the TV room. The former sewing room on the main floor became the play room. No more toys in the LR. yay. And I spent all week last week getting the nursery on the top floor back in order.

Sunday we had company. Magdalena had fun with her friend. Erich and his friend did who knows what downstairs. And my friend and I pickled cucumbers.

This week I've been getting ready for our trip. We leave Friday night and we'll be back next Friday.

Tomorrow a friend is coming over to help with some sewing. She is going to help me with the labor aspect of my business. It will help a lot and light a fire under my butt to get some stuff going.

On to sadness. I'm bummed on the TTC front. It isn't happening and it bugs me. I'm cycling correctly but I'm just not getting pregnant. The friend that is helping me is pregnant and it's so hard to be around her. And all of my online friends who were TTC are now pregnant and it just hurts so incredibly much. If I get another high temp tomorrow, fertility friend will confirm ovulation. This month would yield a Valentine Baby and a 25 month spacing. But I know in my heart that it won't be. The heartache is just unbearable.

13 Years

Thirteen years ago, my father died. I can't believe it's been thirteen years. I miss him so incredibly much. Sometimes I look at Magdalena and see my father and this overwhelming feeling of sadness and love comes over me. I am a part of him and therefore he is a part of my children. It's so crazy and great at the same time.

In other news, Magdalena will be 16 months old tomorrow. Wow. We leave for Missouri next weekend. And I'm on CD11. So we're busy busy people around here!

Beginnings and Endings

Two years ago today, Magdalena was conceived. What an awesome day huh? To get a postive pregnancy test today, would be having my cake and eating it too. But it wasn't to be folks. I'm starting to spot and I'm pretty sure AF will be here full swing tomorrow. It isn't over until the fat lady sings, but I can hear her doing her warmups. Maybe next month...

Happy Mothers Day!

It's mothers day also known as CD28 around here. FF changed my chart yesterday and said they really don't think I ovulated on CD14, they think I ovulated on CD15. So instead of being 14dpo today, I'm only 13dpo. So we didn't take a test this morning. I decided we'd wait and see if my period comes by Tuesday morning. Also, I can't handle the disappointment on Mothers Day, yk? I will say that I'm feeling super sick to my stomach but thats probably because I'm writing this without my glasses and I just got up and haven't ate.

Happy Mothers Day!

A Big Announcement

I've started my own cloth diapering business. The website is currently under construction but it can be found here. We are called Cloth Beginnings and we are super excited. You can view some things that are currently being sold here. If you feel like you want to support us, we welcome it! And if you win an auction with me, let me know you are a reader of my blog and you will get free shipping!

Also, if you are interested in being a tester, I currently need some help so leave me a message! :)

Little People

I am exhausted. I was ready for a nap about an hour after we got up this morning. It's ridiculous. I don't really think the sleep I got last night was bad though. I can tell you I had a bunch of really random oddball dreams. I can't remember one of the ones that I was thinking of this morning but it was weird.

Anyway, Magdalena is quite the little imitator these days. Anything you can do, she can do better **sings I can do anything better than you!** heh. Sorry, I broke into song. As I was saying, she loves to mimic and imitate and do things like a big girl. She recently started shampooing her hair. As soon as the water gets her hair wet, she puts those cute chubby hands up there and rubs her head. She loves to brush her teeth, though I always get to brush her teeth first. ;) She loves to help with the laundry. I've been just putting the wet clothes on the dryer and letting her push them in. I asked her to throw the fabric softener sheet into the dryer, but she tried to blow her nose with it so I don't do that anymore. heh. The other day I was taking clothes out of the dryer. I'd get a shirt and then shake it out and fold it or hang it up. So Magdalena started taking clothes out of the dryer and shaking them. It was hilarious! If only I could teach her to fold them, because after she shook them, she threw them on the floor.

She is a major Daddy's girl. She loves her Daddy. She is asleep when he gets home from work generally, but first thing in the morning after breakfast she goes looking for "Dadeeee." Erich works in the basement on the desktop computer a lot so she'll walk over to the basement stairs and holler "Dadeee!" When she sees him her face lights up and she giggles and gets completely thrilled. It's the best little face ever, and I'm sure it feels good to see that face smiling at you.

She now marches and dances and sings. Well, she's been dancing and singing for a really long time, but the marching is to cute and funny. It's so funny to see this tiny little girl running around the house. She is so short! Though, in the last two weeks or so, she's gained almost an inch in height. At her 15 month appointment she weighed 19lbs 2 oz and was 30 inches tall. She is finally outgrowing 6-9 month clothes, but only in length. She was declared perfectly healthy and way ahead of the developmental timeline which is always nice to hear. She is such a complete joy and we are so very thankful. I'll post cute pictures tomorrow. Right now, it's time for bed.

I Am Weak (and apparently I Also Have Horns)

Okay, I caved. I'm 9dpo, and I took a pregnancy test. I know everybody is holding their breath right? Well exhale because not only was it not positive, it wasn't negative either. THERE WERE NO FREAKING LINES!!! It was a dud folks. Stupid test.

Anyways, so today I decided that I was going to do the grocery shopping for the month. I sat down, wrote out menus for the month, clipped coupons, and wrote a gigantic grocery list. I sorted the list for things that should come in bulk from Sams club and stuff that should come from my local evil mega supermarket. I also had some random things that needed to be returned.

So I packed up Magdalena and T (as a side note, why do I decide to do this when I have to lug 2 kids around? I have a death wish don't I?) and we left. I had to pay the utility bill and drop the phone bill in the mail, but we were soon on our way out of town. We hit up the wholesale club and exited pretty quickly. I was proud of myself for getting in and out quickly and with only the things on my list. So then I moved on to evil mart.

I took the bag of stuff to the counter to be returned and the lady starts yapping about crap. Somewhere in her babbling this conversation emerged:

Her: How old is your little one?
Me: 15 months. **thinking could you please hurry the hell up, you are taking to much time.**
Her: The price of kids these days! They are expensive. Formula itself is outrageous.
Me: Well, I never use that stuff.
Her: Oh, right. Because she's 15 months old. She can drink milk now.
Me: No, no. We never used the stuff, not even when she was a newborn.

This is apparently where I sprouted horns. The look on that her face was amazing. I had taken a picture of her, you would have all thought that she was staring at a gigantic alien. She acted like I had taken my boob out to show her! Man, I can only imagine what she would have done if she had come across me nursing Magdalena, you know a child that walks and such.

So as always, I've identified myself as a freak in today's society. What's new?

Link

Here is the link to my chart if you are interested:

http://www2.fertilityfriend.com/home/21506

She's alive!

I'm sorry to say that I think I'm suffering from a bit of seasonal depression. This isn't good, since I actually have an official diagnosis of smiling depression. I haven't been on meds though since I got pregnant with Magdalena, and have felt really really really good. But all the cold weather returning and the TTC business has just gotten me into the dumps.

I'm officially in another two week hell wait. Things are going well. I actually ovulated ON MY OWN without the help of drugs or anything. Wowee. Even more amazing I ovulated on CD14, which is what normal people do. Wow. So I should know something in a week or so. I'm 8DPO, and I told Erich that we would not test until next Sunday, which is 14DPO and would mean my period should be here. And, how cool would it be to get a positive pregnancy test on Mothers Day? Not that I'm getting one, because I'm pretty darn sure I'm not pregnant, but hey it would be cool. I'm sure someone out there will be getting one on Mothers Day. Lucky person that one.

See, this is why I don't update! Why do you want to hear me whine about TTC and not getting pregnant. Wah. Grow up Suzanne.

Magdalena is really growing up. Sob. She can march in place now and has added marching into her dancing. She is practically running these days and into everything. Erich said this morning it seems as if she has doubled her efforts to get into everything. She has all of her teeth for this year sans her "fang teeth" as I like to call them. Those shouldn't come in until 18months so it will be about a month or so before they appear. :) Thank goodness, because although Magdalena has been super good about teething, molars were hell. EEk. Oh, and it's official. Magdalena has been sleeping through the night since the end of March. Another growing up milestone. Sniffle.

Spring Is In The Air

It's been absolutely beautiful here. Last night was the first night in over a week that it was cold and it was only about 40 degrees. I turned the heat off last Tuesday and hadn't turned it on in over a week. This morning I turned it on for an hour or so because it was about 55 degrees in here, but once it warmed up to 70 and the sun was shining in the windows there was no need for it. It's so nice without the heat running constantly!

Erich, Magdalena, and I spent a lot of time outside on Saturday. Magdalena and I ran errands Saturday AM and Erich went out to work in the yard. I found two great garage sales where I picked up a computer, monitor, and box of goodies to go with it for $5. This was obviously for Erich. The computer is incredibly old, but the monitor is the same one we use for the desktop downstairs, so it was a good find. And I hit up a sale that had kids clothes for Magdalena and bought her some incredibly cute outfits for both summer and fall. I got about 5 or 6 outfits for under $10. They are all Gap, Old Navy, Carters, and Hartstrings, so I'm pretty stoked about that. I'm looking forward to more garage saling to fill in the gaps of her summer and fall wardrobe! I'm currently buying 12 month clothes for summer as she's just not starting to really fit 9-12 month stuff 18 month/2T stuff for the fall/winter. I'm lucky that she wears clothes for an incredibly long time. She's a tiny girl, but she has gotten good use of all of her clothes. And to those of you who have given us clothes, we are incredibly grateful! She wears all of them and often I put her in something and say "look Erich, that was given to us by Beanmom or Rachel or Dani."

Saturday afternoon we went up to mom's house and Erich and I ended up planting 5 trees up there. Magdalena had fun planting flowers with Grammy too.

Sunday Erichs parents came over. The came over for lunch so Erich and I were up at 6am outside working on flowers and such. We planted flowers on the front porch, flower beds, and on back deck. We picked up all the crap that accumulates on the back deck and I felt incredibly happy to declutter a lot of stuff. The front and back of the house feel like a brand new place.

That is what our weekend was like. I'm headed back out in a few minutes with the girls to resume play outside after naptime. They have some chalk out there that they want to play with and T wants to help me de-leaf the front flower beds. It's a bit chilly outside, but the sun is bright and shining and there is absolutely no reason for us to be inside! T also wants to get in the sandbox (we got that on Sunday) as she's never been in it. I think it is a bit to windy outside though and I don't want sand in eyes. I'm getting excited about all the reading I'll get to do while the girls play in that sandbox this summer! It should be great.

TTC Game

If anyone is following along as Erich and I play the TTC Game, today is cycle day 1. Let's here it for another January baby!

Princess Pictures

We're around. Just enjoying the beautiful weather. Magdalena got a sandbox today! :) You can see a picture of her in it at the fotolog. Here are two pictures. (Everyone loves sandy baby toes, right?)

Babies

I should really stop watching "the baby story." All those tiny little babies and mamas birthing them. I so long to have another baby and I long to nurse a newborn. I want Magdalena to have a baby brother or baby sister to play with and love on. I want her to have the companionship. It does seem that everybody who has a baby Magdalenas age is now pregnant again. And I'd be lying to say that I wasn't just a bit bitter.

Yes I could be pregnant right this minute. But that doesn't stop me from feeling this way.

Magdalena is growing by leaps and bounds. A few new really funny things are that she can blow her nose, she covers her mouth when she coughs, and she knows how to rub antibacterial hand sanitizer into her hands at the ripe old age of 14 months. Can you tell we've been sick around here? :)

Pictures of a Spring Day

Thought I would share these. We're heading out to the P-A-R-K right now so more later. :)

Surviving the Easter Egg Hunt

We survived. Today I am super super super super super crampy? Is that supposed to happen? Has anyone experienced crampiness the day after ovulation? Seems to soon. I told Erich that something was going on in my uterus. I also said that I just hope his boys aren't yelling "abort mission abort mission!" Now was that TMI?

Super tired. I'll have a better update tomorrow. Okay?

The Easter Egg

Yesterday while cruising the web, I was reading about how eggs and easter came together and how eggs are a sign of fertility. Girls used to give there current interest an egg to let them know they were interested. Eggs seem to be a hot topic in my head these days. Today I am CD12 and still waiting to O. The two cycles I have used clomid on, I have ovulated on CD16. CD16 this cycle is Sunday and as many know Sunday is Easter. So hopefully my Easter Egg will turn into a tiny little baby. How appropriate that it falls on that day. Is it an omen? I'm really really hoping so, because I'd really like to get pregnant on Sunday.

A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood

While we were in the hospital, Erich and I talked about how we lacked exercise and the outdoors. So we made it a deal to get out and walk somewhere every day. We've been doing this and although it's been a bit cold, it's been gorgeous. The sun has been shining and the birds are chirping and other people are out riding bikes and generally getting ready for spring. So everyday we have some errand to run. We put our coats on and put Magdalena bundled up in to the stroller and wrapped with a blanket and take off. It's cold but it is wonderful to have the sun on us and the fresh air in our faces. I can't wait to get out into the yard and get some stuff done. Our crocuses are coming up and it's wonderful to see that hint of spring, even if they will only be around for a few weeks. I can't wait to get Magdalena outside in the yard to run around and play in the dirt. Spring is just around the corner and like everyone else, we seem to be really ready for it.

Double the Clomid, Double the Fun

With all the puking and pooping, my period and all of its glory was shoved to the back of the burner. While I am sad I didn't get pregnant this last cycle, it didn't surprise me. Erich and I admitted to each other Saturday that we both were kinda thinking in our head "why would we get lucky and get pregnant the first time like we did with Magdalena?" I call that the power of the mind. Oh and the fact that we were both super stressed during the "O" time of that cycle. We all had colds and my great aunt died. And with Magdalena sick, I didn't have the time to think and grieve about my period. I only had time to silently curse and call the nurse for a pad. (A gigantic plastic nasty pad BTW.) The next morning, I called my mom and asked if she could please bring me something since all of my cloth was at home and I really only have one days worth of cloth. (I just wash daily. I never buy more because I'm planning on getting pregnant! Then I'll stock up on PP pads) Anyways, she was sad as I think she was pretty hopeful and getting used to the idea of another baby coming.

So by the time I got home from the hospital, we were on CD4 and ready to start Clomid the next day. On Monday morning, I did get the call from the OB and I asked for clomid. I picked up the prescription and was surprised to find 10 tiny pills instead of the normal 5. I kept thinking, "they doubled my dose?" I always thought that since I did ovulate on 50mg, that they would just keep it at 50 mg. So, starting last Wednesday and through Sunday I pumped my body full of a total of 500mg of Clomid. The symptoms were awful. And now we wait for the O.

And I guess I should mention that during the end of the last cycle, I had dreams of four positive pregnancy tests. The important part of that dream was that the tests were store bought and not the internet tests we have been using. I also had a dream that I gave birth to twin boys. And my friend had a dream that I gave birth to a baby boy. Since taking all of that clomid, I've had the twin dream two more times. I really think the double dose has morphed my brain. heh. So we're all hopeful around here and Erich and I are both thinking "why wouldn't it work this cycle?" :) I think we are all thinking that a Right Before Christmas Baby would be total bliss (and get me out of cooking a Christmas dinner!).

The Weary Mother

It occurred to me that most people are probably thinking that I am an over reactor. They probably thought, "sheesh, her daughter just had the stomach flu! Big deal!" Well, I was thinking the same thing until my mom of all people said "it's a good thing you took her to the hospital when you did." So let me paint the picture for you.

Saturday morning, Magdalena started fussing like she wanted to nurse. I moved her in the bed to nurse on a different side and as I lifted my shirt up, she puked. So I handed her to Erich to take to the tub. When I handed her to Erich, she puked all over his back. (Apparently, he now has Daddy Powers that make him immune to feeling ill over bodily fluids. Yay.) So I bathed her and brought her a new pair of PJs and got her out of the tub. Erich got in the tub at that time and while I was dressing her, she puked again. This marks 3 times in the course of about 15 minutes. So back to the shower she went with Daddy and after she got out, you guessed it!, she puked again. This continued for the next hour and a half until I finally just took her to the ER. In the fifteen minute drive she puked three or four times. It was awful. In the ER, they took chest Xrays and blood work to make sure she wasn't housing any pneumonia. The entire time at the ER she continued puking every five minutes. She was miserable. They brought her some phenergran and she promptly fell asleep. At that time, I felt like we could go home and they agreed. My mom and StepDad met me at my house and Magdalena continued to sleep for about an hour or so. This was at about 11am or 1130. At noon, she woke and started puking again. We tried giving her some pedialyte because she was wretching and fussing. She nursed often out of choice, but immediately after unlatching, she'd vomit everywhere. At around 1pm she started with the liquid poop. She had liquid poop every fifteen minutes and in between the liquid poop she would vomit. This continued and at about 3pm I called the on call doctor. I was informed that he wouldn't be picking up messages until 6pm, but I could speak to the ER doc since I had been there that morning. The ER called some phenegran in. We gave it to her and she slept a bit, but every time she woke up she puked and pooped. Around 8pm Erich got home (he had to do a service call on a computer) and I had already placed a call to on call doctor. So much was coming out of her, nothing was going in not even breastmilk, and she was just laying there. When the oncall doc called back, he thought that we were losing the fight. He had us bring her in as a direct admit for IV fluids. He thought we would only be there overnight and that the next day she would be "as good as new."

Sunday morning when he came in, she wasn't perky. She was still just laying there so he decided that we should probably keep her another day. Let me back up a bit, Saturday night she started running a fever. Her little body felt like it was on fire. I kept asking them to take her temperature. When they did, they'd take it under the arm and get numbers like 97.7 or 98.5 and said she was fine. Sunday morning after the doctor left the room, I had the nurse take it again but this time they took it in the ear. 103.7. I was furious. Magdalena was absolutely miserable and they ignored me when I told them over and over and over that she really did have a fever. They started giving her motrin and tylenol and her fever held steady at 102 to 103 all day long on both meds. This continued through the night sometimes reaching 104.1 on both meds. They eventually just left thermometer in the room with me. heh. I think they got sick of me asking to take her temp. Sunday night I put cool cloths on her back and held her all night long. She hadn't puked, but the liquid poop was still very persistent.

Monday morning, our regular doctor came in to see us. He felt that her temperature was "impressive" and that meant a lot coming from him, as he isn't one to get excited over fevers. He felt we needed to stay in and keep an eye on her fever and keep her fluids going since the fever was so high with meds. I also asked for a clear fluids diet to be started.

By Monday evening, she was feeling a bit better but still pretty mellow. She played with me for about an hour that night, which made me feel good. By Tuesday morning, when Dr. S got there, I had already packed up our stuff and was ready to go home! She was holding down fluids and I think we both needed the comforts of home. He agreed and that ended our very first hospital visit (and hopefully our last!).

Thanks

Magdalena wanted me to thank you all for the well wishes. The stay was uneventful, but having worked in a hospital, some things really ticked me off. I'm so glad to be home, though we are still dealing with some nastiness associated with the illness. And since coming home from the hospital, M has become really really really clingy, but she is getting back to her old self by the day.

Home Sweet Home

We're home. I'll update about our stay after a bit.

Update

Not pregnant. Started period Saturday night. It's okay. They are calling in a new script for another round of clomid. Crossing my fingers and feeling really good about this next cycle.

Magdalena is not doing well at all. We came back to the hospital Saturday night as a direct admit. We thought we'd be home yesterday morning, but she wasn't feeling much better. The vomiting has stopped, just dealing with diarrhea. They have her on IV fluids and breastmilk. She got to start clear fluids this morning. She has been battling a really impressive fever. Yesterday her fever held steady at 103 reaching sometimes to 104 on both motrin and tylenol. They are keeping us another day and are hopeful that we'll be home tomorrow. I'll try to update then.

I Can Hold Out On Testing...

but my husband can't. :) He made me test at 13dpo. And at 13dpo he saw a very very very very very very very faint second line. At 15dpo, he made me test again and it was negative. Heh. So I went to the doctor to get my blood drawn. I ran out of tests and I'm dirt poor. Why am I paying for insurance just to sit there? They should have had my blood work back by days end, but didn't get a chance to call me. :( Still no signs of AF. And my face! Oh my face has broken out like it has never ever ever broken out. I didn't even look this bad as a teenager! So something is going on. I'm well aware that you aren't supposed to test until at least 18dpo to reduce the risk of false negatives, so please tell my husband that. :) I should know more Monday. I'm prepared for a negative result. I am still hopeful for a positive though. My mind says "Maybe I'm pregnant and it's a boy because my face never broke out with Magdalena. I'm not puking, though I'm a bit queasy. And it's taking forever to find out..." So who knows. Sorry to keep ya hanging.

Shana (and Manda): I didn't get a temp this morning because I woke up with a toddler puking. Two baths later, an hour, and puking every five minutes I loaded Magdalena into the car and we enjoyed our First Visit to the ER. We spent the morning there and after blood tests and Xrays we ruled out pneumonia and ear infection and crap like that. (You should have seen the look on the Xray techs face when I told her I may or may not be pregnant. I think she wanted to make me test before she would let me in the room! But I prevailed and I was there to comfort my babe and my maybe unborn babe was covered by a sheet of thick lead. So everything is OK. ) So we're home and she is still puking. I called the ER back at 3pm and asked for a script for phenegran suppositories. She had that at 3:30 and she can have one every 12 hours. Problem is that she is still puking through the medicine so I'm wondering how long we continue until we go back to the ER for some dehydration. So yeah no temp this morning. Sick baby. I guess she wanted to take my mind off the waiting. heh.

Shana, do you have a site back up? If you do let me know! I've missed you! Email me with the email at the top so we can catch up, okay? :)

Manda, I promise to email you soon. I'm so looking forward to the mail on Friday. :)

Ovaries! And Elbows! And Legs! Oh My!

Okay, so Mamabear implied that I haven't updated my blog. I'm really sorry. Things have been busy, and I haven't really been feeling that great. So here is my update.

Today I am 7dpo. I think I had a pretty clear ovulation, with pains and mucous and temps. Gross, huh? I'm pretty sure we timed this correctly. (As a side note, it's so much harder to muster up the energy to procreate with a toddler around. I'm pretty sure it didn't take so much effort last time. heh.) I was a bit crampy pre-o and a bit crampy post 0. I was really crampy for about an hour in the evening at 5dp0, which someone thinks may have been implantation. Here is a link to my chart. You can see Magdalena's chart on the same page for reference. I have a pap on Monday. I'm hoping she can give me hope or confirmation or something. Sunday I will be 10dpo, which means I could possibly get a positive test. This 2ww business is rough.

The lady I take care of in the mornings broke her elbow really bad. She was with her daughter when it happened. She also has a hairline fracture in a hip. She had outpatient surgery and they sent her back to the assisted living place. I deemed it completely inappropriate for her to be in that environment and said that I wasn't able to take care of her in this condition. She needed/needs nursing home care until the cast comes off of her elbow and she has some physical therapy. So she is in a swing bed in the hospital. I feel like the Bad Guy for sending her out of her home, but really I think it was the best case for everybody.

Magdalena is walking. She toddles just about everywhere these days and it is absolutely adorable. She learned how to eat with a spoon too, I just have to scoop the food into it first. She is a lot of fun. She currently has 10 teeth! Both molars on the top have popped through and I feel a third molar. Poor baby has been miserable the past few days. She'll ask for cheerios then put one in her mouth and scream in pain. :(

Not much else going on. Just hanging out and waiting to test.

Who Links Here

The Big Secret

I'm on clomid. Day 2 of clomid, Day 6 of my cycle. I had my cycle induced a few weeks ago. I took provera for 5 days and then 3 days afterward I started to bleed. I really worried for a while there that I wouldn't bleed. Clomid was prescribed for days 5-9. I started it yesterday. Today I'm feeling a bit hot flashy. I just found out that a friend is pregnant. She cycled once completely and on the second she got pregnant. I'm not sure if it's the drugs or if I would react this way normally, but I'm angry, hurt, sad, and scared. I realy don't understand why it can be so easy for some people and not so easy for others. The stupid part of me thought that all the hurt and suffering of losing a father so young was enough. I thought maybe I had paid my dues. But it wasn't easy to get pregnant with Magdalena. And the another stupid part of me thought that maybe when I tried to get pregnant again, it would be easy. Obviously I'm pretty dumb. It took one round of clomid to get pregnant with Magdalena, so hopefully I'll be pregnant next week. So could ya'll send me some heavy duty baby dust?

And if you're keeping track it's:

Infertility 2
Suzanne 1

Why Did They Rob Me?

Today started out so well. I went to a see a friend who is staying in a hotel to go swimming. We had fun in the pool and such and then went back to the room to rinse off and give the babies a bath. I heard my cell phone ringing and answered it. It's a credit card company saying that they think there is fraudulent activity on my card. And there is. An hour earlier someone had tried to charge over a $100 at banana republic. Obviously, it was a good thing I had told the credit card company my dress size when I applied for the card, because any sane person realizes that not only would I not buy Banana Republic, their clothes would not fit me. Hrmph. Not only that but they also had other charges through the week amounting upwards of $600. They denied the BR charge and I'm not sure about the other charges. I've been locked out of accessing my account online. They've closed the account and are starting an official investigation. Grr. This really really really ticks me off. I feel so violated too. Grr.

On a good note, when I got home there was a box from Adagio Teas with a starter set and a teapot. Lovely. It's delicious. I'm sitting here, fuming about the unfortunate events of my life, and drinking very very delicious tea.

A Year Goes So Fast

I really have neglected my blog. Sorry, lots going on that I feel like I can't talk about here just yet, but I'll talk soon though. Promise.

Magdalena has been up to so much! Here are the highlights!

• Her hair has been growing like crazy. It's all wild and I had to pick out the first knot in the back the other day!
• She has NINE teeth! She's had eight since the beginning of last month. Last night while brushing her teeth I found a molar! Crazy. I can feel the molar on the other side too so sleepless nights are in my future I think.
• Her vocabulary increases by the hour. She mocks so much that we say and puts it into action later. She now says "Mommy, Dada, Hi, Bye, OK" and she barks like a dog. The barking is stinking hilarious. Tuesday night we were watching TV and Gracy walked by. Magdalena got down on all fours and started barking.
• She has a "magdalena sized" chair that she climbs on and off all day. The other day Daddy turned some cartoons on for her and she sat in the chair and watched TV. (Mommy was busy, Daddy was in charge.) Occasionally she would stand up on the chair to see where I was and yell "hi!"
• She waves Bye bye now, but only if she knows you. Strangers still make her shy!
• She still loves to give kisses.
• She cuddles a lot. She comes up to you and gives you a hug and pats your back. It's too cute. (One day Erich and I were talking and he said " you know, Magdalena has really started to cuddle a lot more. I reallly like that." **swoon** He hates it when I tell that story. heh.
• She can walk. She is a chicken. She doesn't voluntarily choose to walk. :) After seeing other walking babies, she walks more. And daily she seems to get a tiny bit braver. It doesn't bother me though, since I know that she can walk.
• She loves to play the come and get me game. She'll crawl away from me and look back to see if I'm following her. I come up behind her and say "mommy's going to get you!" and she squeals and starts crawling towards the stairs and up them as fast as she can. When you finally get her she squeals and claps with delight!
• She tickles me and loves it! She puts her little fingers on my neck and move them randomly and says (while laughing) "ticky, ticky, ticky!" She squeals with delight when I laugh and say "oh that tickles Mommy! Oh no! hehe" (there is another word she says "ticky")
• She is such a girly girl. She squeals and laughs and flirts. I didn't think my house would be filled with squealing girly laughter yet, but it is, and we LOVE it!
• She claps all of the time. She claps when I put the legos away (probably because I clap when she does it! heh). She claps when people on TV clap and when she hears a song she likes. She also claps when she walks ( I wonder where she picked that up!)
• She points when she wants something.
• She has started to eat three meals a day, plus your meals, plus snacks. She drinks a bit of cows milk every few days, lots of water, and breastmilk.
• Despite all the food she shoves into her tiny body, she weighs 17lbs 5 ounces and is 28 inches long. She's a tiny petite thing!
• I finally moved all of the 3-6 month clothes out of her dresser and put it away. She still wears the 3-6 month onesies though. She is in 6-9 month clothing. I also put her in some 12 month clothing for length, but they have so much room in there! Insane!
• She brushes her teeth after I brush her teeth. If you forget to hand her her toothbrush after we're done, she protests loudly. I must not do a good enough job.
• She loves to have her hair brushed, but only by me and Daddy. She won't let my Mom brush her hair for some reason. At night we have to go through a routine where I brush Magdalena's hair and then she brushes Mommy's hair and then she brushes Daddy's hair. She finishes this up by giving him a big kiss. :)
• She likes to pick the baby doll Abby up, give her a big hug, and saying "ah" and then she tries to steal the baby's pacifier. heh.
• She likes to pull her socks off and stick her foot in my nose when changing diapers. When I smell her feet I squeal "oooo shoowee! Stinky feet!" and she giggles uncontrollably.
• Whenever you hand her the phone, she puts it up to her ear and says "HI!" Sometimes she holds conversations, "HI! babybbbaabbabab. dddd. pftttt! Bye" Recently when I'm on the phone, she MUST say hello to the person on the other end. If not she cries and cries and cries. When she's done saying hi though, she gladly gives the phone back to me.

That's all I can think of now, though I'm sure I'm forgetting something. She changes daily. I'm amazed at how she becomes more and more like a little girl instead of a baby every day. I'm still reminded of how babyish she still is though, when she climbs into my lap, lays down, and nurses to sleep.

Tea Time

Hey, while you're reading some blogs, go check out Adagio Teas!

Tea

Tide and Boobs

If I didn't know any better, I would think that all I did all day long is do laundry and breastfeed. Now lately I've been keeping up with the HA forums and read about 10 books, but whenever Erich asks me what I've done today, the only things that pop into my head are doing laundry and nursing the baby. Take today for instance, I went to the assisted living place and **drumroll** did the laundry. I did about four loads there while nursing the baby in between each load. Afterwards I came home and nursed the baby to sleep. While she was sleeping, I started our laundry. I've done about three loads so far and probably have 3 more plus diapers. (How on earth do we create that much laundry in a week? sheesh.) I also cleaned out the nursery clothes, creating a giant pile of 3-6 month clothes that she finally outgrew. I have the task of sorting the clothes into girl clothes and nuetral clothes and putting them in bins and storing them in her closet. A few weeks back, I sorted the diapers and put newborn diapers in a bottom drawer and current diapers in the top drawer.

So now you know why Tide and Boobs are the only things I can recall doing today.

No strings attatched...

I've got no strings to pull me down...

Hey, I'm in my living room connected to the internet! I'm sitting on the couch! Erichs friend gave him a laptop yesterday that didn't work and he couldn't fix it. My super husband had it working within 20 minutes of getting home! Yeehaw! So today we purchased a wireless connection (something we've been talking about forever) and now he's in the office playing on the internet and I'm in the LR. That really rocks dude. No more fights over the computer AND I can be where the kids are and on the internet at the same time! I can take the internet into the kitchen and not run back and forth to the office to check conversions, search for subsitutes, or go to my alltime favorite recipe site www.allrecipes.com! Life feels good right now. :) Now I'm pretty sure I need to work on making sure everything else gets done in the house! :)

I need to go because Erich needs me to download ZoneAlarm. :) Now hopefully I'll update more often.