Sorry for my absence. I'm still on the edge. Two weeks until the ultrasound. All of the damn stinking possibilities keep running through my head: go to the ultrasound and no heartbeat, ectopic pregnancy, molar pregnancy. I know all of these are distant possibilities but they still plague me. I'm sure everything is fine. It's just that everybody is SO excited including us. **crying** I'm sure I'm still pregnant. I cried this mornning from watching the wedding story. LOL I cry all of the time in fact. And my temps are still up, no cramping, bleeding or spotting, and I'm still sick to my stomach.

Things are tough financially right now too. Erich missed two days of work and we spent so much money driving to that wedding over the weekend which not only meant gas, but time, eating out, Erich's tux (he was a groomsman) it's just put a huge toll on us. And I'm doing that damn baby shower for Melissa on Friday. I'm so excited for her it's just that when I took on getting the cake, and making all of the sandwiches, and making the punch I wasn't considering being pregnant and already INSANELY tired. I told her that this week is a pinch and that I won't be able to get her gift for another couple of weeks. She isn't due until July 26th (which dumbass me I'm on vacation and I feel horribly awful that I won't be here for that BUT I'm was the last one to get the PTO book and it was really the only full week that wasn't already taken!) so I have lots of time. She's scheduled for a c-section. It doesn't stop me from feeling awful though. Hmph.

I have to get back to work. I have an incredibly awful migraine, I'm tired, there are a bizillion things I need to be doing at home, work isn't going well today, and I have to find a damn electrician to put in a circuit breaker soon! (we lied and told the home insurance we had one when in reality we have a fuse box! heh. It saved us tons of money!) My father in law is an electrician maybe he'll be able to help us out. I gotta run. If you have any words of wisdom to pass on to me they would greatly be appreciated, I'm feeling really down in the dumps. Peace.

Hello all. Sorry I didn't post yesterday. I was in a hellish mood and left work early. I hate my job. It has become increasingly harder each day to come in. I dread work and I hate that. I also have the itch now to stay home which we are planning on doing anyways after the baby is born. It is so hard here though. I don't feel appreciated. I'm not really fond of the people I work with. I'm so tired that I feel like I can't even keep up with my work. It all sucks really bad and is not made any easier by the fact that I cry at the drop of a hat. That's right folks. I'm in full blown hormone overdrive.

Speaking of hormones, the doctor called and put me on progesterone. She said that my progesteron was in the normal limits but on the lower side of normal and that she was just being extremely cautious. Good. :) Which reminds me I have to go pick up the Metformin from the Associate Pharmacy. I will be on the Metfomin and the progesterone until 12 weeks.

I've lost the ability to suck it in. Not that I have a baby pouch yet. Just can't suck it in. I used to go around work constantly sucking it in, letting it out, sucking it in, letting it out. It's strange now because I can't sick it in. I feel like there is someone on the inside pushing against me when I try. Hm. Strange eh?

Also getting strange "tugging" feelings around my pelvic bone. Not cramps more like spasms. Uncomfortable but not horribly painful. Anyone know what it could be?

22 days till the ultrasound! I'm more relaxed lately. I know everything is okay except that some other part of me worries all of the time. My mom bought me "The Pregnancy Journal" and I love it! It tells me what is happening every day and that is really neat. I think Erich likes reading it too. It keeps him involved. I really want to get "The Expectant Father" for him. I might like to read it too, heh. Maybe I'll ask my mom or his mom to get it for him for Fathers Day or for his birthday this month!

WE ARE GETTING A NEW COMPUTER! Whoopee! :) This Saturday is when it will be ready and it is the computer of both of our dreams. Yay! I'll be back online at home Saturday evening. Erich's best friend is getting married that day and I'm on call but come hell or high water we are going to be online! I haven't been able to read SO many blogs because they are blocked from work. urghh.

Oops I have to go to the weekly meeting and go to the potty! Hope all is well. I'll sit and write more later! :)

Okay I'm feeling a bit better today. Mainly because the nausea is coming back. For the past few days I hadn't been as sick as I had been before. That scares me. But it is coming back. And I know that the nausea probably got better because my nutrition was better. I've been eating a ton of fruits (it's about the only thing that tastes good!) and the prenatal vitamins probably help balance stuff out. I also started eating something every hour and a half to two hours. And I've been drinking TONS of H2O and rasberry lemonade (I can't get rid of that craving, yummm) I've cut back my caffeine intake to one coke a day (coca-cola that is) and I'm gradually weaning down to a smaller cup size all together (again the drink size. the other cup size is long gone) So the better lifestyle "should" make the nausea go away and it did. The OB calleld this morning to say that my progesterone is fine. I'm fine. STOP WORRYING! ha! I can't imagine that if I worry about him when he's in there all cozy and such, how will I ever deal with taking him out of my body. (I'm calling him him now. I don't like calling it it. And I don't like calling it embryo fetus etc etc etc. It's a baby to me. My baby, so I feel I should address him as a person of importance. )

23 days until the ultrasound!!! I really could just go back and get the ultrasound from one of the OR rooms and look for myself but it is hard to distinguish objects and such. I'll be glad when I get to the point at which I can hear the heartbeat on the doppler. We have a doppler in the OR and I have experience finding the heartbeat from when I worked in L&D so I can probably safely bet that is why I will go to work then. Just to hear the heartbeat, heh. I find myself feeling a lot like Shana. I'll be feeling a certain way or asking myself a certain question and I'll log onto the web and see her blog and feel reassured that she feels the same way too. I almost wanna call her up on the phone and talk to her, hehe.

The damn internet still isn't working and for the love of God I DON"T KNOW WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG! I'm about to give up and go buy a new computer. Erich thinks it maybe the motherboard and we've tried everything including standing on our heads holding our breath while jiggling the cord. Urgh. I will have internet by God and I want cable internet at that! Hmph.

Gotta go back to work. Later gators.

24 days till the ultrasound! Damn internet is STILL not working. It recognizes the modem now but the software won't install. We are about to give up and get DSL. It's driving me mad! So I have some things to do around the house when I get home but after that I'm going to make that damn computer connect to the internet if it is the last thing I do. I have to go back to work right now but I hope to be getting off very soon. I hate it here and I don't want to work at all. I'll write more later. (hopefully!)

I just wanted to jot down a really quick note. Seems that my network card is bad in my home computer. We'll stop and buy one tonight after we CLOSE! That's right folks today is the day we become homeowners! It just feels so right now that we have a baby on the way! Holy crap! We're having a baby! :) It seems to be sinking in more each day. I agree with Shana though that the days just pass very slowly and I'm always afraid something bad will happen. I am a bit more at ease today though. I had my blood drawn last night the HcG is now 1784!!! That's high and I think Erich is at home now pacing and trying to figure out what we would do with two of them! I'm elated. I feel much better now knowing that it is doubling. She says I have nothing to worry about. The light cramping is dying out, I haven't spotted or anything, I have sore boobs, nausea, a backache, and frequent pee visits and that sounds normal to her! There is no history of miscarriage in the family and that they tend to carry babys too long! yay! :) We will have an ultrasound on June 26 followed by my very first OB appointment! And we'll see the babys heartbeat! I can't believe it! :)

My mom bought me some stretchy pants yesterday and a nice maternity shirt (one that doesn't look like a maternity shirt for very early pregnancy). I needed something to wear to a wedding in two weeks and my pants are two uncomfortable! I know, I know! It's really really early but it hurts to put pressure on my lower belly and all of my clothes were already "fit" I needed something baggier!

Okay folks, the cable is hooked back up at home. The TV works and after we fix the network card (hopefully tonight) I should be back online! I'm still pregnant and it amazes me and I may just tell you everyday for the next 7 weeks that I am still pregnant each time I post! Ha! You are all going to be so annoyed by me that you won't come back.

I feel like someone punched me in the back. Ouch! And I'm soooo tired. And I LOVE it! :) My temps are still up and I still feel pregnant which makes me feer grrreat! I'm loving this! Even the sore boobs. Can they actually get any sorer?

Last night when I went to babysit I fell asleep on the couch with the ten month old baby. The three year old passed out during the Clifford movie on the floor (butt straight up in the air). I really wasn't asleep asleep, I was opening my eyes every once few minutes and the three year old always asks me before going to potty or rewinding tapes, etc. I still felt a tiny bit bad when they came home and we were all asleep. They said it was cute though. You decide. ;)

Gotta go back to work ladies.

I forgot to mention that the HPT I took last night was positive. :) My level came back today!! At 17 dpo I was at 700 mil/unit or whatever measurable unit they use. :) Not too high and I like that but higher than the "statistically high average for singleton HcG levels" according to Babymed.com. So I'm happy! Tomorrow, another blood test yay! :)

I have realized that I have late day/evening sickness verses morning sickness. As the day passes I get increasingly sicker especially after lunch. But hey I don't care! :) Whoopee I'm pregnant!

(Can you tell that it hasn't quite sunk in yet?)

I am soooo tired. I could seriously sleep standing up. I think the sleep effect is made worse by the fact that my OR rooms were both on hold most of the morning so I had little to do. If I keep moving it keeps me awake.

This is something I also think you guys will know about, but I have come to realize that there is a very fine line between hunger and nausea. Hot dogs and fruit seem to be what this baby likes. Everything else makes me hurl. At least I'm eating a ton of fruit. I need to start carrying snacks with me in my purse and some to put in the locker in the department. If I don't keep eating something every couple of hours I get really really really sick.

I'm waiting for a call back from the OB. They should have the HcG level back. I just want to make sure there is only alien in there. Two would be super and I'd be happy and everything but it would be shocking! One is perfect, but hey I'll take what I can get if you know what I mean! :) I've been having dreams that they call and say they think there are two, come in for the ultrasound. It could just be my nervous fears playing with me though.

In other news the home mortgage guy really pissed me off this morning. He pages me (I carry a pager at work) and I call him back and I am told that he is on the phone. That ticks me off big time. So he pages me again and he tells me that he needs to know who is going to be carrying the home insurance RIGHT NOW. Now this thoroughly pisses me off because a) you didn't tell me you wanted it today at 10:30 and b) WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO ABOUT IT AT WORK? I tell him he needs to call Erich, that Erich is taking care of it, and he will be out of class and at work between 12:15 and 1:00. The guy says that won't work. He needs it NOW. I almost want to yell at him, "WELL TOO BAD! I CAN'T DO ONE DAMN THING ABOUT IT NOW!" But I refrained from yelling at him, so where is my damn cookie?

I have to go back to work. Have a great day ya'll!

Okay, so I have comments to respond to comments. Did that make sense? First off I think Rachel is the funniest lady ever since one post there is a comment that reads " I agree sweet baby. {Annika} Now can you update? Like, about you?" then goes on to another comment reading "I just saw your chart! I just saw your chart! Yippee!" Hahaha. Cracked me up! To answer Shana: this is the first time I ovulated ( I think.) Erich says he has super sperm! I think we will be having baby towards the end of January first of February. I'll have a better date probably next week. I just had my blood drawn. We have to make sure there is only one baby in there. (There is increased risk since we took Clomid. Neither he or I have hx of twins so are chancing went from nil to 10% which in my eyes is a pretty big jump!) Speaking of Clomid I would love to kiss the man/woman who invented it!

The HPT Story

The PIL came over on Sunday. Erich was just positive I was pregnant, MIL suspected, and I doubted. I didn't want to take the test because I HATE the negative results. They left and we went to bed and I was very very sick to my stomach. He fell asleep and I decided, to hell with it, I'm taking the damn test. I went in POTS and watched as one line appeared then two. I fumbled for directions and figured out what that meant (even though I knew what it meant) and ran and got Erich out of bed screaming " Erich come here! Erich come here!" He got to the batheroom, looked at my two lines, asked "what does that mean?" I threw the directions at him and he said, "you're pregnant. SUZANNE! I THOUGHT THE HOUSE WAS ON FIRE!" Then he was excited. I then called mi madre. The end.

Well I'm off to take another test! Hey, what can I say? I like taking the test when it comes out positive! :) More tomorrow.

We still don't have internet which is the reasoning for my absence over the long weekend. It should be installed by then and Erich promises to have the computer fixed (it doesn't recognize the modem that is working) So I'll be back up then. And it appears I will have to start blogging more since Jennifer has noticed that we are due to have a royal child towards the end of January beginning of February-ish. I'm going today after work to get my blood drawn, buy a pregnancy book (one that has pictures and details each week, especially for Erich to read I think it will help bring him into the pregnancy) I might start another blog especially about the pregnancy for the family i.e. Erich's mom. She is excited! Erich is nervous and I am in shock. I feel somewhat pregnant though. I walked into the cafeteria a few minutes ago and almost tossed my cookies with the awful combination of food smells and sights. Yuck. I've only been tolerating hot dogs and fruit. My breasts are sore and heavy.I can hardly walk down the hallway without the "jiggle effect" (that's what I call it!) causing terrible pains. And this may sound like me complaining, BUT I'M LOVING EVERY MINUTE OF IT! So make me puke baby! I'm to excited about what's growing in there. I can't wait to meet you! :)

Another I say... You think...

1. Badminton:: baby
   
2. Obsessive compulsive :: babies?
   
3. Prosthetics:: baby
   
4. Sophistication:: pregnant! yay!
   
5. Hiphop :: baby
   
6. Stammering:: i'm gonna have a baby!
   
7. Property taxes:: holy crap!
   
8. Lowrider:: can it be?
   
9. Blowtorch:: baby baby baby!
   
10. Formality:: I'm gonna get fat! Whoopee!
    

Okay so can you tell what's on my mind? :)

Hey you might want to check out my chart again. And I changed the description of my blog. Look up and tell me what you think! Off to work!

She had her baby!!! I logged on to her husband's site and there she is! The sweetest baby ever! :) Congrats Dawn and Quinn! Welcome to the world baby!

1. Naked:: Man!
   
2. Singular:: Sensation
   
3. Particle:: article
   
4. Unified:: user?
   
5. Lion:: witch, and the wardrobe
   
6. Capitulate:: ???
   
7. Quantum:: reasons
   
8. Celestial:: Tea
   
9. Motion:: Lotion ha!
   
10. Delight::ful
    

Rob's Amazing Poem Generator created this for my blog.

And a positive but
lately and
start to watch
her. and fix it. Dh
will try to go and
sitting in a warning we started
building the other dream about stuff but
lately In there?
On day wish.
That even though my business, go
to get that
is SO wanted and the yard inside
the test
I just found out of
here And sitting in the lives of this guy knew that
I wonder if some embryo was going
to you
understand. I
want to the part that everyone can tell you make
of his 10 favorite bloggers
better than
what do my temps dropped significantly
on Monday.

Urgh. I had this huge post and now it is gone. Damn Blogger. Anyways, as I said before, I skipped work because I am under the weather. Very nauseous. I feel sick and as soon as I lay down and get that feeling to go away I and start to think about food again I get very sick again. Dh says maybe it's morning sickness. One could only hope, right?

It's cycle day 22 and my temps are still up. Is there a little watermelon seed in there? Maybe even two? Heh.

I've been having really weird dreams lately. The other day I dreamed that I was pregnant but I had just found out (opposed to all the dreams I had and I was gigantic pregnant) Anyways I had to go to the batheroom. And the urge was so terribly bad and I'd find a batheroom, do my business, go back to something and I would have another horrible urge to go again. This continued on about 25 times! When I woke up in real life I had to use the batheroom so bad that I could hardly stand up and waddle to the batheroom!

The other dream I had was last night. Dh and I were with some friends somewhere and I told him I couldn't take it anymore and that even though we weren't 18 dpo that I was taking a test. I took the test and left it with him to watch for results and went down (the beach?) to hang out with some friends. A few minutes later I heard him yelling," come here come here come here!!" As I went back up and looked at the test I saw two gigantic, fat lines. I said, " what does that mean?" (as if I didn't know! hah!) And he said, "It's positive!" I said, "uh huh" and he said "yes! it is! we're going to have a baby!" Then I woke up. So what do you make of that?

18 dpo is a very long time to wait. Each passing day seems to get a bit longer than the one before. I yearn to know that the test will come out positive but fear it won't just like every other test. I don't want to do another round of this again. I want to be preg. It sucks. I'm so anxious at this point. I never knew that days could last so long. I try to fill up days without thinking about stuff but it doesn't work. So there really isn't much to say. I'm completely excited that Dawn is almost there. On a good note though, my temps are still up. Yee haw. Soon. Soon we will know. I'm off to be anxious elsewhere.

Hi all. I've been quiet lately. In fact I've been quiet ALL of the time. It has been such an emotional month. I'm 6 days past ovulation today. 12 more and that would mean I would most likely be pregnant. Man I want it so bad. I'm sure you understand. I think about it all day and dream about it all night. I was having weird muscle cramps/ovary cramps the other night while laying in bed with DH watching TV. He looks over at me and says, " wouldn't it be great if some embryo was just burying itself in you right now? " Yes it would. It makes me want to cry to think that him and I could create a baby. A baby that is so wanted and will be so loved that I feel at times I am just going to burst. Okay, now I'm crying and I'm sitting in the hospital library so I probably look like a freak!

Now I wonder if I should test on day 28 of my cycle or wait to see if I get to 18 dpo. Hmm. Man I don't want to see AF.

So I've been quiet lately and tired. It seems I have left my brain in other places because I can't seem to remember simple stuff. I don't know what it is but I hope I feel back to normal soon, whatever the hell that may be. I hate work. I dread it, which isn't like me. It just seems now that the shit is hitting the fan and it awful to be here. I don't want to be here. I'm tired of seeing pregnant bellies (though I would like to see Dawn's) I actually love preg bellies but lately I just can't seem to get happy for "real life" people. I'm ecstatic about Dawn though. And I can't wait to see a picture of her and hear her name! I will get that package in the mail Dawn, I promise! I'm running out of time! :)

Thanks to Jennifer for the Mothers Day wish. That also made me cry. :)

Just as a warning we still do not have internet at home. I just need to copy all of the blog addresses down and then reformat the computer. I think somethings bad in there so might as well. That damn computer is probably nearing the end. I just pray it holds on a couple of more months. I will try and get to the library to post if I can't get it to work at home. If not I'll talk to you all on Monday. Have a fabulous weekend.

Hi all. I've been quiet lately. In fact I've been quiet ALL of the time. It has been such an emotional month. I'm 6 days past ovulation today. 12 more and that would mean I would most likely be pregnant. Man I want it so bad. I'm sure you understand. I think about it all day and dream about it all night. I was having weird muscle cramps/ovary cramps the other night while laying in bed with DH watching TV. He looks over at me and says, " wouldn't it be great if some embryo was just burying itself in you right now? " Yes it would. It makes me want to cry to think that him and I could create a baby. A baby that is so wanted and will be so loved that I feel at times I am just going to burst. Okay, now I'm crying and I'm sitting in the hospital library so I probably look like a freak!

Now I wonder if I should test on day 28 of my cycle or wait to see if I get to 18 dpo. Hmm. Man I don't want to see AF.

So I've been quiet lately and tired. It seems I have left my brain in other places because I can't seem to remember simple stuff.