Goodbye Love

As some of you know, my dad gave me a dog before he died. I've had her since I was 8. She was my Christmas present. My parents got her at the humane society and we changed her name from Peaches to Gracy. At the ripe old age of 18, Gracy peacefully passed away yesterday morning. She was the most loving gentle and sweet little dog. She tolerated lots of kids poking and pushing and pulling without ever lashing out. She was the best dog ever and I don't I can't tell you how lucky we were to have her apart of our lives.

The past couple of days she had been acting weird and Erich and I both agreed that she was dying. She tried to get out of the fence area and Erich said she was probably going to find a place to die. Monday morning she was acting weird and it was warm outside (50ish) so I wrapped her in a towel and laid her out on the deck. She stayed there all day and I went out periodically to tell her how much I loved her and that it was okay to let go and I pet her little head. She was very peaceful there so I left her around midnight to head to bed, knowing that she wouldn't be there in the morning. I really don't think she was actually there, just her little frail body.

I checked on her first thing yesterday morning and she was indeed gone. Erich and I wrapped her up and I took her to my mom's property. My mom and I buried her along the treeline where she will lay in the sun half the day and shade the other half. She loved to do that. It felt very good to be able to say goodbye and bury her and have a place I know she will be safe as silly as that sounds. I imagine she was reunited with my dad and I know she is better off now.

http://flickr.com/photos/esfamily/58270070/

Mommy's Thankful For...

Panda Sneezes

Erich found this video and it makes me laugh every time I watch it.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=8922875251875301807&pr=goog-sl

She's Alive!

Super super busy around here. So a quick life in bulletin points:

• Magdalena is doing the Letter of the Week curriculum. She is beyond amazing and has really taught Erich and I how incredibly smart she actually is! ( We already knew she was smart in a this is my kid and she's smart kinda way, but this has surpassed our expectations.)
  
• Carmina started rolling from tummy to back at the end of September.
  
• Carmina has also started batting at toys and spending more amounts of time awake. She is a very smiley baby and has been laughing and giggling.
  
• Magdalena has become quite the social butterfly. She's enjoying hanging out with little people her age and grandparents and all of that good stuff. She then usually talks about her adventures for many days following.
• Erich has decided that he's ready for another baby. He's thinking blue now.
  
• We are getting ready to do our hugest house fixing ever. We are installing 26 windows, 2 doors, and are going to paint the house!
  
• I've been a knitting fool. My list grows and grows by the day of things I want to knit to.
• We've figured out what we are getting the girls for Christmas. It will be a very small Christmas this year due to all the house renovations, but they'll be warm this year. ;)
• I'll be buying those gifts probably this week so that I can avoid scrambling to find gifts in December like I did last year.
• I'm still posting pictures on Flickr. Go check it out or tell me your username so I can add you. And I post super secret not safe for public consumption stuff on my LJ. :)
  

To Do

I feel as if I'm drowning. So many things to do, but nothing seems to be getting done. Both girls are so time consuming, which isn't a bad thing at all, it's just, well, we're busy busy busy. Magdalena is sitting here at the table with me talking about how she played in the playroom. She talks to me all day long. Non stop. I love to hear her talk, but it's hard to hear my own internal dialogue that tells me what to do all day over her talking. She's eating a tuna sammich. She requested it. I ask her what she wants for lunch and she responds happily "TUMA!" I ask, "a tuna sandwich?" And she answers, "yes! A sammich!" heh.

Carmina is just as gorgeous and wonderful as her sister. She's trying to find some sort of balance between being awake and napping. She's making that transition where she doesn't just nurse and nap but needs some awake time. The problem is she just can't figure out how much of each she needs and it's been a bit difficult to get anything done. I'm sure it will work itself out.

My other "dilemma" with her is if I should push the pacifier on her or not. She needs constant sucking. Constant. And she doesn't always want *me*. Her sister took a pacifier at night and it was pretty easy to break her from the paci. I knew she didn't need it and she fussed to have it occasionally. I think her main thing as it was more habit than need so I just put them away. I told her that all the pacis were gone and she wasn't happy with that, but she didn't protest. And the pacifier was gone. So it was easy to get rid of. However, Carmina likes to suck her fist. Well, she's trying to suck her thumb but can't figure out a good way. So she'll just shove her fist in or her fingers. And I'm kinda cool with the idea of her sucking her thumb, as I'm pretty sure it was an inutero habit as well considering she's been doing it from the very first second. She'll take the pacifier but not well. And she's recently learned how to pull the paci out. When she does this, then she'll just suck on her fingers while holding the paci, and occasionally stops to give me a big grin. I worry that getting her to stop sucking her fingers years down the road will be harder than just taking a pacifier away. She'll have me obviously until she self weans. I worry about her teeth, you know? I'm sure she'll show me what she needs.

Speaking of weaning, Magdalena is still nursing strong. My new "milestone" is 3 years. When we hit that point, I'm not sure if I'll make another milestone. I had a hard time making a milestone after 2, but when I was pregnant and knew that she needed to nurse, I needed to make a milestone for myself to push through it.

She isn't potty trained yet either. There has been "encouragement" from my mother to "just do it" but honestly I don't have the time or energy to push it. I don't *want* to push it either. I don't want pt'ing to be this constant nagging on me, a reluctance for her, and end up being years of struggles. I'd like it to be her choice. I know that she has the capabilities of doing it cause when she runs around here nakey, she'll always go use the potty in the bathroom. I think she has a hard time distinguishing panties from diapers. And if I were buying diapers, it'd probably be more of a push for me to pt. But since I'm already washing diapers for her sister, what's a couple more? And here is my deep dark secret. As pro self weaning I am, I'd rather her potty train after she weans, because the thought of nursing someone who is potty trained is really hard to wrap my brain around. Of course, three years ago, nursing someone who was almost 3 years old was hard to wrap my brain around. So obviously, that deep dark secret could be for nothing in a few months time. Who knows.

I'm not sure how to end this rambling long post. So I'll end with a picture or two. These were taken on our venture out to go apple picking with Meemaw and Papa (Erich's parents).

For All The Cat Lovers

http://pagentsprogress.com/?p=281

3 Month Growth Spurts

I know I'm not doing well with the updating. Honestly, days pass by like hours around here. I'm not even getting stuff done that I *need* to be doing, like some knitting projects for both the girls and some stuff I wanted knitted for Manda since she was so kind to give me her PIS in trade. (I'm GOING to send that package out this week. I promise Manda! okay!? i promise!)

But this isn't going to be the greatest update. Carmina is going through her three month growth spurt. This girl is BIG. But she isn't chubby, she's LONG. My goodness. She almost comes up to Magdalena's shoulders when we stand them next to each other! Magdalena is my petite, lean toddler and Carmina is my tall, lean baby but they are both incredibly gorgeous. So gorgeous it makes me want to cry. And it makes Erich want to start digging the moat around the house because, dude, these girls are going to have boys lined up!

SO yeah, Carmina is growth spurting which means that she refused to unlatch for more than 5 seconds last night and she was fidgety and restless and she didn't want me to hold her but she didn't want to nurse at some points and she didn't want me to burp her but she wanted to sleep but she couldn't get into that place where sleep was nice and deep and lovely which means, that I did not sleep well. **yawn** And the toddler woke up FULL of energy! yay! I'm gonna take a LONG nap with Carmina and I'm going to convince Magdalena to lay down with some books and hope that she falls asleep after a few minutes and takes a long nap too.

Mommy Lessons

Whenever you stop and think "gee the baby hasn't pooped in a while", make sure that your laundry is caught up. Because if you think about the poop, the poop will come. And it won't all end up in the diaper. And you'll have to stop all of the laundry to push the swing cover to the front of the line so it doesn't stain. And you'll have to stop eating lunch to clean it up.

One would think I would have learned this lesson by now, huh?

Brrr!

It's 66* outside! It's practically jacket weather, or at least it feels that way. I was just thinking that last year at this time, Erich and I got up at the crack of dawn to evaluate our reproductive organs. I had that super painful HSG and Erich had the specimen collection that would have made the worlds funniest sitcom. The story was hilarious. Anyway, after that I was getting up at 5:30 just to make it to my daily ultrasounds and bloodwork. It's amazing that a year later I'm rolling over at 5:30am to nurse my 8 week old baby. It's awesome and amazing and wonderful. And I can't believe she's been here 8 weeks already. It's just going to fast. Luckily I've talked Erich into a definite third. ;) I'll wait until I'm pregnant again before I start asking for a fourth. Hahaha!

Nursing Babies, Nursing Toddlers

There is a lot of talk about the babytalk magazine lately. Erich heard them talking about it on the Bob and Tom Show (scroll down to see a comment and picture of of their take on the babytalk issue) where they talked about the benefits to both mother and baby while breastfeeding. I really enjoyed hearing about an all male radio show encouraging breastfeeding, and Erich has said that this isn't the first time breastfeeding has been referenced in this show.

I think my main problem with this scenario is not only the lack of breastfeeding in our society today, but the pettyness of it all and the fact that people can be so immature. Grow up people. It's a breast. I have two of them, in fact we all have them. I have a picture of Magdalena nursing somewhere, but I think I'd rather share one of Carmina. I don't have one of both of them nursing, though that's on my list of things to get before M weans (which I don't see coming anytime soon btw). I do want a picture so they can both have a copy so they can see how they loved on each other so early. Generally Carmina watches Magdalena and smiles at her while Magdalena strokes Carmina's hair. It's a beautiful time. We generally sit down together after bathtime and nurse. All three of us girls enjoying quiet peaceful time just loving each other. :)

Would you like the extended warranty?

YES! SAY YES! My laptop is broken, AGAIN! This time it was covered by the extended warranty and is in California. Power supply failure. You're probably saying "but Suzanne, doesn't your husband fix computers?" Yes yes he does, he just doesn't have time to fix *my* computer, thus we have the extended warranty. I say all this to complain and explain why my already infrequent updates get even more infrequent.

Life is SO busy around here. I've been busy knitting, keeping up with the house, a newborn, a toddler and it's so tiring! And to top it all off, we are heading into canning season. I canned 12 quarts of green beans last week. The tomatoes and pears are headed my way very very soon. My mom has been freezing corn too.

Did I mention that we kept Carmina's placenta? Well, we did. It's currently in a bucket frozen in my moms deep freeze surrounded by corn. heh. My mom is a little worried that my stepbrother is going to open it up. I think that's hilarious actually. I peaked in on it on Saturday and it was so cool. The part I could see was fetal side with that tiny cord. It's amazing that my body grew that and that fed a baby that lived INSIDE of me. It's just wild if you ask me.

Anyway, I'm typing this from our living room on our brand new computer. It's a desktop and it's the new family computer. (And dude, it's a dell. heh.) Anyway, this computer is the Media Center edition so it's like a brand new TIVO and I'm more than a little thrilled with this. I have it programmed to record something every single minute of the day, except for like four hours in the wee hours of morning when all that's on is paid programming. Erich laughed at me when I told him I actually went through the guide and found stuff to record at times that our favorite shows weren't on. I just told him that I'm trying to make sure that we really get our money out of buying cable each month. Heh.

I'm procrastinating right now though. Everyone is asleep. I need to bring the IPod over and update the songlists and such because tomorrow we are going to be in the car all morning. I have to run to the bank and do tedious tasks there. And I have to make a stop at half price books and drop off my paperwork at the mothers milk bank. I also need to make a return at Lowes and I'm hoping to go drool inside my local yarn store. So this means I need to get up early and get us out of here and back by the afternoon because the 2 year old turns into a pumpkin at noon. (well not a pumpkin but a pile of screaming toddler.)

Sisters

More pictures can be found on flickr...

One Month

I can't believe it's been a whole month. Carmina's been here a whole month. I have a hard time imagining a time without her and I come to realize that she's always been with me in some form. From a twinkle in my eye, the most intense desire to bring another child into the world, I realize I was fighting to bring her here. Not just any baby, *this* baby. I sometimes wonder if she was fighting just as hard.

I've watched her grow since last September. I watched little follicles grow and ripen. Then I cried when I saw that tiny sac with a tiny heartbeat. I've watched as she went from a fetal pole, to a little blob of baby, to this skeleton peaking at me through the u/s. We saw the chubby face in the last u/s sucking her fingers and grinning at me, but I never imagined she would be so beautiful. So perfect.

She looks just like Magdalena. And she looks just like Erich. And I see myself in her too. The color of her eyes right now look just like my Dads and they have that same twinkle. I realize that dream is ture. He *is* here. He's a part of her and me and Magdalena. Most of all, Carmina is herself. She's a combination of all the people that love her most. She has bits of personality that show themselves everyday. I pick her up and see Erich and feel a wave of love for all three of them. I'm truly blessed. Erich and I both realized just how blessed we are.

I love climbing into bed at night and Erich and I lay and marvel at her size. "She's so tiny! So Perfect!" I don't think we ever felt like this with Magdalena. Sure she was tiny and we think she's perfect to, but we were always anxious for what was ahead. "Just wait till she says Daddy!" or "I can't wait till she can walk!" With Carmina I find myself saying "you're growing to fast! stay small!" I'm definitely savoring each moment a little longer.

So I say all this to apologize for my lack of updates. I spend most days running around. Carmina is different from her sister and refuses to be set down for to long. So she snuggles in the sling and then Magdalena comes and takes up the rest of my lap, so there's no room to type and share. My lap is as full as my heart is at this point. So if you wonder what I'm doing, I'm singing Elmos World while holding that tiny perfect person to my breast. I'm marveling at how wonderful my daughters are and falling in love with my husband constantly over and over again for giving me such a wonderful life. He gave me these wonderful babies that I have the awesome privilege of knowing and loving.

I worked for an entire year to bring a baby into our lives. And she has done so much for me. She brightens my day. She fills a spot in my heart. She fits in. I know now I fought so hard because she is supposed to be here. I won't say that our family is complete, because I'm not sure that it is. But for now, our hearts are full and our days are filled with smiles and laughter. What more could a Mommy ask for?

Say Cheese!

This morning I had portraits taken of the family. These were real portraits to. I was really excited because they weren't going to be the usual Sears or JCPenny portraits, these were going to be done by a professional photographer in town. This is the guy who took pictures of our wedding. So excited, and I'm sure it's cool to see us walk down the aisle and then capture us as a new family of four.

So I get up this morning, shower, do my hair and start getting everyone dressed. Both girls had baths last night (Carmina had her first tub bath!) but Magdalena climbed in the shower with me this morning, so she was extra squeaky clean. I dressed them both in cute jean dresses and t shirts and Erich had his nice khaki shorts on. I even put on some prepregnancy pants!

We get to the studio and everyone acts like the camera is shooting arrows at them. I kid you not. Magdalena LOVES to have her picture taken, but not today. The camera man annoyed her then she KNOCKED DOWN A BACKDROP. To say I was mortified, would be the understatement of the year. Carmina screamed. I nursed her, she'd act as if she was going to doze off then SCREAM again. Heh. It was lovely. She did open her eyes a bit and Erich smiled pretty well and then I was able to convince Magdalena to say cheese and not stick her tongue out at the same time while the photographer lured her with candy. I think they'll be OK.

We had our picture taken outside as a family of four. I'm excited to see them. I'll go on Friday to look at them and pick stuff out and hand over my wallet. I'm also taking my mom with me so that she can um, bring her wallet too. ;)

So I'm exhausted now, and it isn't even noon.

10 Days

Today was Carmina's due date. We're all so glad to have had these last ten days getting to know her. We're all completely in love.

Pictures?

I have some posts swarming around in my head but haven't been able to sit down and "spit" them out. I want to talk about nursing a newborn again, sisterhood, the csection, and tandem nursing. All in good time though. So here are some pictures to hold you over, k?




Magdalena calms Carmina down.



Sugar and Spice ;)

Flickr!

More pictures posted at flickr. And that maxed out my account. Boo. I need an upgrade.

She's Here!

Carmina Gabriela made her debut at 8:16am Thursday June 15, 2006. She weighed 7 pounds 4 ounces, 19 inches long, and has lots of dark dark black hair. She has long fingers and toes and giant skinny feet. :) She looks just like Erich and Magdalena is in love.

She nurses well, but it takes her a few times to figure out what to do at the breast. More details to follow later...

oops! She only weighs 7#4oz, so not much bigger than 6#. ;)

End of the Road

Last belly pictures taken on Sunday (38 weeks). We'll probably take more in the morning. More photos uploaded on Flickr! :)