Unconscious Mutterings

I say.. you think...

1. Natalie:: Nasty Warts (my very good friend Natalie was called this in show choir, it was a play on her last name. poor dear.)
   
2. Concrete:: sidewalk
   
3. AIDS:: epidemic
   
4. Rubber hose:: garden
   
5. Paper clip:: it
   
6. Route 66:: get your kicks...
   
7. Summer camp:: "this one time, at band camp..."
   
8. Coin purse:: grandma
   
9. Orion:: movie
   
10. Instigate::???
    

There's no place like home... There's no place like home (tap tap tap) there's no place like home.........

11 weeks today! I took a look in "your pregnancy week by week" and it shows an actual size of how big the baby is. He's huge! I can't believe that that little speck on a piece of paper has gotten that big! And it is inside of me! Wow. That's wild.

This is stinking hilarious.

Ya know, amazingly I'm feeling pretty good today (POUND ON WOOD!) My headache is a barely noticeable dull thing. The antibiotics must be kicking in and letting all that stuff out of my head because I'm not feeling so "stuffed". And maybe just maybe I'm getting close enough to second trimester that those hormones are calming down a bit and letting the placenta work. Even the light cramping from this morning is gone. I sure hope that kid is alright in there. Does everyone worry about this when they stop feeling sick?

Okay so I fell up the stairs this morning. That's right, I fell UP the stairs. heh. I'm fine really I am. Just mild cramping, no bleeding. Everyone else seemed more worried then me, I called the OB and she said that as long as I wasn't bleeding that I shouldn't worry. The cramping is probably from the stress. Yeah well nobody ever called me graceful.

I swear that the next person who comes up to me and says "Oh you poor thing, you get sick all day? I never once got sick during any of my 15 pregnancies" I will slap. Slap really really really really really really hard. I MEAN IT TOO!

I played with the template on my pregnancy blog. Please tell me what you think.

Why is it that my puppy dog, Ella, has to sleep in between Erich and I at night? I wake up with no covers because she anchors them to the middle of the bed and makes it IMPOSSIBLE to move. If she can't crawl in between us she sprawls across my legs. If she can't do that, she nudges her way up the side of me and sleeps in that little crook your body makes when you lay on your side. She even nudges her head underneath my arm so I have my arms around her. She is dying for my attention lately. She knows whats going on. It breaks my heart, but we are going to have to break her of sleeping in our bed BEFORE the baby gets here. I don't want her to associate baby as being the reason to be kicked out of bed. If she would lay at my feet (not Erichs, his feet hang over the bed since he is 6'4") it would be fine. I want a co-sleeper so I reason my body would cover up the opening to the sleeper. If she would stay at my feet like she used to it would be better but the farther we get in the pregnancy the closer she needs to be near me. I look at her and she loves me so much and I can tell just by her eyes. Is this what it will be like when I look at my baby?

I'm sorry I've just been really out of it lately. Went to the PCP and she diagnosed me with acute sinusitis. No duh. Which the sinus headache makes me dizzy, dizzy makes me puke, puke makes you feel awful, yet I still feel hungry and the cycle starts all over again. The storms have really been a hinder on my mood. Flooding all over around here and lightning that struck the steeple of my church. I didn't think God stroke his own, but it goes to show you. So every time I walk out my door I feel sadness in my heart (my house faces the church and you can see it from my LR window.) Erich says you can't hear the bells in the morning when church would start. It's a mixed blessing, I guess.

The basement is flooded so the carpet is smooshy. I gave in today and bought a deep cleaner since our little green machine just wasn't cutting it. So far I've pulled 2 1/2 gallons of water out of it. If it would freaking stop raining, I'm sure it would dry. It's just damp now so I'm hoping that with the fan running, things will look better in the morning.

I've been so gosh darn tired lately too. It's probably a combination of pregnancy, keeping up with this house, and my sinus cold. Come on second trimester energy. I'm so close to second trimester I can taste it. Yum. 10 weeks 4 days. Double digits. Man does it feel great.

I'm not complaining guys, just feeling a bit under the weather. (no pun intended). I usually enjoy summer storms but when it rains 8 hours every night it just brings awful things all over here. Crops are under rivers and I know that that is going to affect a bunch of my friends parents and such. I live in a small farming community. Crops are a big deal around here.

In brighter news, Rachel and Beanmom sent me books for my birthday. Aren't they the greatest? I think so. :)

With that, even though it is only 8:30, I'm going to go to bed and watch TV and read my new books and hope to stay awake until my very very hot husband comes home. :) Have I mentioned that I love him more than life itself?

Rachel rocks my world. I'll explain later, but right now I'm currently dying from a sinus headache/cold and pregnancy pukiness. Urgh.

I LOST MY POST.

Grab your boob... Latch on.... GO!

It was such a long weekend, and there is tons to tell, but not right now.

These really suck lately, but I'll try my best.

1. Fashion show:: ho
   
2. Boundaries:: lines
   
3. Roadkill:: road rules
   
4. Narcissistic:: flower
   
5. Authority:: rules
   
6. Martini:: olive
   
7. Personality:: "cause you've got..."
   
8. Comfortable:: pants
   
9. Symptom:: morning sickness
   
10. Dating:: sucks
    

It's my BIRTHDAY!!!! And a national holiday rolled into one. :) I always thought the fireworks were for me! My mom said that I came in with a bang, and I'll probably leave with a BOOM! :)

Should I be hoping for a girl?

I really want to rent one of these.

I don't feel good. I spent the morning at the BMV trying to renew my license. Hmph. Then had a heated discussion about finances with Erich. Then drove here to work in the blazing heat of 90 degrees plus humidity. I'm doing a wild goose chase on the internet. I'm tired, I have a headache, and the baked potato I ate is just turning in my stomach. When I get home there is no rest for the weary considering that I have to clean lawn chairs and get the house ready for the 11 people coming over to celebrate MY birthday. Which means I have to clean the house. Urgh. On the bright side, Saturday I will be 10 weeks. Double digits and a quarter of the way done. Thank God.

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Transplanted uterus?

Good news for bloggers.

An old man turned ninety-eight
He won the lottery and died the next day
It's a black fly in your Chardonnay
It's a death row pardon two minutes too late
Isn't it ironic... don't you think?

Well, did you all know that my birthday is on Friday? **sings** "Born on the fourth of July..." The anticipation doesn't feel like it is there,though this is a "landmark" birthday for me. Probably the last landmark birthday until I turn 40 which is quite a ways away. But the usual celebration for this type of birthday will not come for me, which is absolutely okay. The reasons are well worth giving up the party. I feel somewhat melancholy though. I'm not quite sure why. I miss my dad too. He would have been so excited about his first grandbaby. And he loved my birthday, the fireworks, the BBQ. Holidays just aren't the same as they used to be unfortunately.

I have been working on a wish list. It can be found here. Most of them are breastfeeding books, I feel the urge to aquire some knowledge. I really want that book "it could happen to you" sounds like entertainment. I need a bit of that these days. :) Now if my supervisor would ever get back so I can go to lunch. I'm huuungrry.

New picture in the fotolog.

I've oddly gotten hooked to Charmed lately.

what's wrong with this blog?

You are Tank, from "The Matrix." Loyal
till the end, you spare no expense in ensuring
the well-being of others.


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Work is extremely boring right now. I've been sitting here fora good two hours doing nothing. Well I've been surfing blogs which is fun but I want time to fly and not creep. Maybe after 12 I'll ask to go home, since that is considered a full day (leaving before four hours or half of your shift is an occurence). I've been working on the baby blankets and m mom was right (something you'll not hear me say often), it has calmed me down a bit. So I'm going to start baby blankets for those I like. :) I just need to sew up the open end of mine and put the yarn ties in it. I need a steel yarn needle though. I started another one and have it completely sewed, it just needs yarn ties, I'll do that tonight. It is for Erich's friend Jason and his wife Krista. I hope it will be a sort of peace offering. She is due in November and HATES me. I won't go into but she hates me for reasons that are none of her business and pertain to my dating Erich and such before we were married. Anyways maybe this peace offering will build a bridge so that Erich and Jason can hang out more regularly. And our kids will be close in age so it would be nice to have playdates and such.

I also need to start Melissa's blanket. She is due any day now with a c-section scheduled on July 18. She is a girl from work and I haven't had the cash to buy her an appropriate gift. I think this will be more personable.

I also want to make blankets for Shana and Rachel. I obviously need to start Rachels next. I'll email her after a bit to see if she has color preferences and such. :) I have a while for Shana's. ;)

I was given a great book but for the love of God I can't remember the name. It's fairly easy reading and goes pretty fast. I think Dawn would enjoy it immensely. I need to email her the name of it.

By the way, my grandmother came over and finally got the old model 15 singer sewing machine to work. She sat right down and said she had one just like that when she was a kid. Showed me the mechanics of that particular bobbin and got it working. Amazing. She said she has been sewing since age 4!

Bargain for that triple bypass surgery.

The next Lorraina Bobbitt?

Unconscious Mutterings

1. Trolling:: stroll
   
2. Profile :: murder
   
3. Tin:: man
   
4. Phenom:: snake?
   
5. Mug shot:: license
   
6. Tubular:: dude
   
7. Six Flags:: ohio
   
8. Pickup:: truck
   
9. Auction:: it
   
10. Astonishing:: times
    

By the way there are new pictures up on my fotolog of Erich and myself, from yesterday and today.

I'm not complaining but... Sleep doesn't seem refreshing anymore. **sigh** I wake up with aching bones, my boobs so sore they hurt just by the change in gravity, and my bladder so sore from being filled up once again. I wake about every 2 hours to go to the batheroom at night. It was bad in the beginning but then got better and now is back to being bad again. Really bad, worse than ever. Poor Erich was waking up everytime I got up for a few days there but him and the dogs have learned to sleep through it. Friday night I was so tired that it must have not woken me up for a while so when I did wake up and realize that I had to go to the batheroom I couldn't even stand up straight. I had to walk stooped over. I guess that little baby is making himself more room in there or something. Sheesh. And if anybody has any suggestions... what can I do for itchy nipples. Really really itchy nipples. I almost feel like walking around in the world just scratching myself, it's getting harder to be "discrete" about it!

This morning though I layed in bed till about twenty minutes ago. I fell in and out of sleep and it seemed to help the nausea. I think the fatigue has been making it a bit worse this past week. I figure I better learn to enjoy sleeping in because in about 6 and 1/2 months it will be a thing of the past. I can' t wait! :) Now back to my sewing...

My mom gave me this sewing machine (remember that I'm Betty Crocker) because I really wanted one. It came from a friend of hers and it is in a sewing cabinet (a very nice oak one) and to heavy and such to lug to her new house besides that my stepdad bought her one of those really really cool new ones with all the neatest stuff on it (and she doesn't use it! ha! go figure!). She said she thought it worked but I haven't had the time to sit down and play with it. She gave me some fabric the other day for me to make a baby blanket. The back side fabric is yellow and the front is moons and stars (yellow and blue). She said I could make a quilt and that it might help me calm down a bit since these have been a rough few weeks. (I also need to make drapes eventually for the nursery but also recover and drape box in the living room and make pillows for the couch and for our bed, did I mention that I am also Martha Stewart?) Anyways this model is EXTREMELY old and I can usually thread newer models after tinkering with them for a few minutes but this is a bit more complicated. So I figured I could probably hop online and find something that would help. The model number is 15. That's right folks. It is the 15th Singer model sewing machine. They have over 200 now! They charge $15 manuals but for this particular it is available as a free download. Like yeah you idiot, if you are too cheap to buy a brand new sewing machine, I doubt you'll buy a manual for a very old machine. I just found that very funny. **sigh** Someone please send my brain back to me!

Okay I'm officially nuts. E's mom called to say she saw the u/s picture yada yada yada. Then she said she had been out at rummage sales all morning and that she had bought like a bathtub, a swing, etc etc etc. I think it's great that she is excited and wants to buy us stuff, but I don't want all used stuff. I know that sounds really snobby but this is our first baby. I want new stuff (which the stuff she bought is stuff that people will buy us in showers anyways). I want new stuff now because I know that this won't be our only baby *God willing* and I want it to be nice and new so that it will last a long time. Is that wrong? It's exciting to think of all the new and pretty things. I could probably handle some second hand stuff from people we knew but these are from random strangers. I don't know where it's been and stuff like that. Now I don't mind hand me down clothes if they are stain ridden and so forth just because they are so expensive and are constant recurring needs, ya know? Am I being totally irrational and hormonal?

And on another note, I don't think it's wise to have all the "big" stuff before I get to 12 weeks. It isn't needed yet and I don't want her to jinx me. I don't think that nurseries or registrys or stuff like that need to be done until the late second trimester. My mom brings us small things, little tiny toys or a pair of socks, but mostly just stuff for me like stretchy pants and rasberry lemonade. I just don't want to go overboard. My gut says that this will last and to sit back and relax, I just don't want to do anything to mess it up, ya know?

Okay I've completely lost my mind probably and you all will think that I'm some silly hormonal pregnant woman sitting at the computer crying my eyes out but this is what goes through my mind. You guys seem to be my only friends right now. Most of my friends are finishing up college and my best friend Phoebe is touring the country speaking at bible camps. I miss her. I need a friend.

Why must nausea wake me up every morning?

I'm not feeling to terrific at all. I don't know if it was something I ate or if it is all the book rearranging or what, but I'm going to barf (again) . Bleh. Maybe I should go home.

"I still hurt real bad with it " and "they never told me nothing"

ROTFLMAO

A hero among all college students.

Wanna adopt a chicken?

oops

Will this stop HIV?

My birthday is in one week! Do you know how young I'll be?

Weird dream last night. I dreamt I was still pregnant but farther along. I could feel the baby kicking ( I thought of him as a him in the dream) and I could feel his little foot. It was way to cool. :)

A quote I'd like to share!

" What's the use of sending a $2 million missle into a $10 tent to hit a camel in the butt?"
--George W. Bush

Here is the latest ultrasound picture!

Sad news here at work. They are laying off a ton of people today. Sad, sad. Go here to learn more.

Messing with the comments section. Please bear with me.

I'm back from the doctor and the baby has gotten so big!! I can hardly believe it. And there his little heart was beating away at 178 beats a minute! Wow. It's finally sinking in. He measures right on schedule at 8 weeks 5 days. :) I'll post the picture when I get home. I'm not feeling to awesome so I may be leaving work early. Bah.

I'm off to see my baby on that cool little sound machine! I've been longing to see his little heart going bumpety bump bump bump since I saw it last Friday. I almost want to be back in surgery in a few weeks so I can regularly check up on him. :) I said almost. Though I do miss the few friends I had like Missy and Melissa. Had lunch with Melissa yesterday and that helps. She is scheduled for her c-section on the 18th but I don't think she will make it that long. She has dropped. He's moved his feet in a completely different angle and her back hurts and she walks like there is a head in between her legs. And she is having tummy troubles. I can't wait till its me.

I have to go shower so I can see my baby. My baby. Sounds so WEIRD! I know I'm a worry wart too. :( I'm kinda scared that the heartbeat won't be there just 6 days later. I know I know that it most likely will, but damn fear plays with you. More later. :)

First off I feel like I'm going to puke. No joke. I ate a baked potato and a cookie and i'm not thinking it was the best idea I've had today. I did however find out that tomorrow I am having ANOTHER ultrasound! Whoopee! :) That excites me I love seeing that heartbeat and I can't wait. It is hotter then hell on a hot summers day here. 90 degrees with at least 50% humidity and a dew point of 70. It's nasty. Gee I love Indiana. :) Storms should fly in tonight bringing a bit of a cold front.

I'm wearing maternity pants. They don't look maternity but they have a bit of extra fabric in the front for growth. I just couldn't stand my pants and my mom said that I looked very uncomfortable so she took me to Target and bought my a pair of khaki capris and jeans (both maternity). The jeans have elasic in the back so they don't look maternity either. I feel pretty dumb wearing them but hell, I'm so comfortable now! **sigh** More exciting library stuff to do. Later.

Am I fat or pregnant? You tell me.

You're a Ruby. You are very outgoing and wild. You
are confident, yet sometimes you go overboard.
You are vibrant and full of life...just like
the color red.


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That's my birthstone! How appropriate. :)

Speaking of losing my mind, I definitely have placenta brain. This morning, I left without my work badge leaving me unable to clock in and to eat lunch, beautiful huh? Last night I took a pizza out of the freezer and unwrapped it to make for Erich's dinner and left it sitting on the counter. Erich came in 20 minutes later to ask me where his dinner was, oops. And (this is the kicker) I ran the washer (yet again) with all the soap and NO LAUNDRY. Man, someone please keep tabs on me!

I'm definitely backlogged on these.

Week 18

1. Suspected:: killer
   
2. Indulgent :: chocolate
   
3. Advertising:: thief
   
4. Represent:: the public
   
5. Ethical :: dilemma
   
6. Witness:: eye
   
7. Triumph:: in Zion?
   
8. Talons:: fangs
   
9. Finals:: poor Erich
   
10. Squeak:: Squauk
    

Week 19

1. Arbitrary:: ??
   
2. Sweatshop :: Martha Stuart
   
3. Cotton ball:: rabbit
   
4. Intimate:: freak
   
5. Forgotten:: words
   
6. Photography:: pictures
   
7. Secretary:: boredom
   
8. Stadium:: football
   
9. Purpose:: greater
   
10. Shoe box:: cards
    

Week 20

1. Tumbler:: drink
   
2. Recital :: piano
   
3. Reform:: society
   
4. Nipple:: cracked
   
5. Jackal:: hyde
   
6. Mailtruck:: newman
   
7. Merchendise:: store
   
8. Comma:: mark
   
9. Erotica:: chocolate??
   
10. Ferment:: oil
    

I have definitely lost my mind, huh?

Yay, she is temporarily out of projects for me so i'm free to surf and blog! whoopee!

I had a dream last night that I've been thinking about all day. I thought I'd share it with you.

It was after the baby was born, there was a fire down the street. Erich and I picked baby up and ran down to see the blaze and make sure people were out, cops called, etc etc etc. It had to be in the middle of the night because I can remember the flames lit up against the midnight blue sky. Baby started to get hungry so Erich told me to nurse her. I remember it had to be really really new to me because I was still a bit nervous about it. I remember looking up after getting the baby to latch on and Erich's friends were there. I said, "shame on you staring. " That's all I really remember.

Oh and the baby was a baby girl. What do you make of that? :)

If I ever come running, screaming into my blog, shouting " I WANT TO BE A LIBRARIAN!!!" Shoot me. Don't hesitate, don't try and talk me out of it, just SHOOT ME! Today I've worked on making sure half of the *** library is in "perfect" order according to the catalog cards. The problem is that a lot of the catalog cards are out of order. And me, being way to good at this, says something and I end up having to fix it. When will I learn to keep my fat mouth shut!? And do you know what torture it is to be ten feet from a computer all day and have things to do so you can't access your email or blogs for fear of losing what could possibly be the MOST limited duty position in the hospital. At least this is better than my "regular" position. 45 minutes to go.

I'm officially on limited duty now. Now lifting, pushing, or pulling above 20 pounds. I'm working in the hospital library which is extremely boring except when I find cool books about pregnancy with neato doctor pictures in them. :) Today I filed catalog cards (which I found errors in and the librarian was impressed, damnit, I may be doing a hell of a lot more of that! eeK!) and I also made sure all the books were in the order of the catalog cards. Now wasn't that exciting?

These arrived! Woot! Now off to fill them out.

Happy Birthday Erich! :) I bless the day you came into my life and hope there won't ever be a day I don't wake up beside you. You are my everything. I praise God and thank you for giving me this little miracle, a little tiny baby, growing inside me. He (or she!) is part of you and part of me. You are forever a part of me and I couldn't think of anyone better to share this miracle with. I love you.

Wanna see my bundle of joy?

I forgot something! Erich is the most wonderful man ever. We had to drive two cars out to the doctors office (long story) anyways when he was pulling out he rolled his window down and yelled out to me, "Suzanne! You're my hero!" **tear** What a day!

There is an alien in my tummy!!!! :) With a beautiful heartbeat of 170 beats a minute. I'm in love. **tear** He's hanging around in there upside down and he moved! She was looking at him and measuring him and his little leg buds were squirming around in there! She said, "Look! There is the heartbeat! :)" Erich just said, " Wow, scary." I myself was bauling hysterically. We have a picture. As soon as Erich hooks up the scanner to this computer I'll scan it in and get an account on Fotolog for you to see my little bundle. Wow. Oh yeah, he measures 7w 6 d (Close, huh, Shana?) which makes our due date January 31, 2004. I can't wait!

My first real pregnancy scare. I had a belly ache last night that made my uterus start cramping uncontrollably and it HURT. I called the OB on call and she said to lay low as long as I wasn't bleeding. I am going in for an ultrasound right now. Please think of us. I'm so terrified that there won't be a heartbeat guys. :( I guess the cramps are somewhat good because it moved up the ultrasound. I'm just scared. I think they are going to put me on limited duty too. A lifting restriction will ship me out of the surgery department, which may be a good thing depending on where they send me. I might need a change of scenery to get me away from the stress in my department. Okay so here we go. I'll update when I get back.

I've officially seen the weirdest search ever. Someone landed on my site after searching google for: +"laundry" +sorority +naked What the hell were they looking for? Neverwho that-- what the hell was I writing about!!

A few quotes:

"There is no finer investment for any community than putting milk into babies." --Winston Churchill

"Children seldom misquote you. They more often repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said." --Mae Maloo

"Pregnancy defined is: Getting company inside one's skin." -- Maggie Scarf

"Childbirth is more admirable than conqest, more amazing than self-defense, and as courageous as either one." -- Gloria Steinem

"Kids really brighten a household. They never turn off the lights." --Ralph Bus

"In their eagerness for their children to acquire skills and to succeed, parents may forget that youngesters need time to think, and privacy in which to do it." --James Cox

"There is only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it." -- Old English Proverb

oh! oh! I want one of these after the baby is born too! :)

Aww the luxury of having internet at home. :)

My mom bought me some of these. I've had one before and they burn very very clean and smell very good and not overwhelming. She bought me another "snickerdoodle" and "clean linen". My house smells like clean laundry and freshed baked cookies. :)

I want some of these. I know that most everyone knows about the pregnancy but they don't know a due date. I figure it would be a neat way to announce it. :) I just don't want to buy them until I know that a) there is a heartbeat. I know that there probably is (temps are up, feeling pukey, sore boobs still!) but I have the horrible thought pass through my head once in a while. Like Erich says, it's highly unlikely but every mom probably worries about it. And b) I want to make sure there is only one of them! If there are two then obviously we would need the twin cards. :)

Speaking of candles, please light a candle for a good friend of the family, Heather. Heather is a younger lady (say thirties) who has a schoolage daughter. She is a very good friend of my mothers and was maid of honor at my mom and dads wedding. She had a stroke a few days ago, we just found out from her sister at the grocery store. :( I told my mom that the funny thing is a few days ago I had a dream about her. She used to live in the duplex right next door to my moms house (which is now mine and Erichs house). Anyways, I remember when she brought her daughter home and I would always go over to bug her because I loved babies. She used to let me feed her and I just fell in love with the baby. SO I had this dream a few days ago. I was going over to her house to see her baby and I was trying to talk to her but I couldn't understand her. It was completely muffled and babbling and so forth. Currently they say that she has minimal movement in her right side only and she is only able to say words like yes and no and sometimes shake her head. That is so wierd, huh? It really rocked my mom and I. So please light a candle, say a prayer, go hug your babies, maybe just a thought. It could happen to us, ya know? She wasn't old. She's young. Scary. Life is so precious.

I have to run and work on straightening up the house. I'll be back later. :)

OH SWEET JESUS! :) I'm connected to the internet... at home! :) The new computer came today.. a whole day early. I went to set up everything and the modem wouldn't do it. It was the damn ****** modem in the first place, but we have a new computer that is one payment away from being paid off whoo hoo. A new modem, new speakers, new keyboard. We do need a new monitor but it'll will have to wait. **sigh** Now I need to sell the old computer to pay for the new modem and try to get rid of that old modem. Good bye and good riddance you d-link piece 'o crap! Now I have to eat and redownload all my stuff. :)

Sorry about the absence. Things stay the same though. Work sucks, I'm always sick and dizzy, and I have tons to do. I did a whole bunch of laundry then discovered that Erich has poison ivy and carried all the clothes upstairs ( it's all over his arms) so I brought everything back down to the basement and washed it all again with soap and technu (stuff to put on yourself, dogs, and laundry to get the poison ivy oil off) Speaking of poison ivy makes me want to sing the song "poison ivvyyyyyy poiiissson iiivvvy eee ee e e, late at night when your sleeping poison ivy comes a creepin' arrou-oun-ou-ou-ou-ound" :) I actually think I am eight weeks 1day pregnant. I guess we'll see for sure next week at the ultrasound! woo woo! I think we are going to try and ultrasound Melissa tonight at work so maybe I'll get down and we'll see if we can find some heartbeat(s). :) Gotta run dilly-o's . Computer will be here on THURSDAY! I have to figure out how to be at work and at home to sign for the computer --which is more important-computer or work. hmm... probably the computer. :)

I'm feeling a bit better. I've been really sick the past couple of days. It turns out, I'm not eating enough. MAN! I NEVER thought I would hear myself say that! :) I need to be eating every hour (something small like cheese cubes or popsicles) and drinking lemonade and water at least once every two hours trying to EVERY hour. Working makes that difficult though. I need a couple of days off. Maybe I'll call in sometime next week. :) Gotta go home now, baby is hungry AGAIN! :) Made some really great spanish rice and I pour a bunch of salsa on it and I LOVE it. Thank God that stays down, I'd be sad without it. :) Oh and new blog started for family, It isn't much really yet though. I don't want to make this public to them so I figured that a new one would be best. You are welcome to visit it here

Okay so sometimes people really know how to piss me off. I'm so pissed off that I can't even blog about it. Urgh. I hate my job. I should set up a paypal button so that giving, nice, sweet people could donate money to get me out of debt so I could be at home and concentrate on staying pregnant and not stressing myself out by the mean, rude, awful, terrible, horrible people at work. Damn the raging hormones.

Sorry for my absence. I'm still on the edge. Two weeks until the ultrasound. All of the damn stinking possibilities keep running through my head: go to the ultrasound and no heartbeat, ectopic pregnancy, molar pregnancy. I know all of these are distant possibilities but they still plague me. I'm sure everything is fine. It's just that everybody is SO excited including us. **crying** I'm sure I'm still pregnant. I cried this mornning from watching the wedding story. LOL I cry all of the time in fact. And my temps are still up, no cramping, bleeding or spotting, and I'm still sick to my stomach.

Things are tough financially right now too. Erich missed two days of work and we spent so much money driving to that wedding over the weekend which not only meant gas, but time, eating out, Erich's tux (he was a groomsman) it's just put a huge toll on us. And I'm doing that damn baby shower for Melissa on Friday. I'm so excited for her it's just that when I took on getting the cake, and making all of the sandwiches, and making the punch I wasn't considering being pregnant and already INSANELY tired. I told her that this week is a pinch and that I won't be able to get her gift for another couple of weeks. She isn't due until July 26th (which dumbass me I'm on vacation and I feel horribly awful that I won't be here for that BUT I'm was the last one to get the PTO book and it was really the only full week that wasn't already taken!) so I have lots of time. She's scheduled for a c-section. It doesn't stop me from feeling awful though. Hmph.

I have to get back to work. I have an incredibly awful migraine, I'm tired, there are a bizillion things I need to be doing at home, work isn't going well today, and I have to find a damn electrician to put in a circuit breaker soon! (we lied and told the home insurance we had one when in reality we have a fuse box! heh. It saved us tons of money!) My father in law is an electrician maybe he'll be able to help us out. I gotta run. If you have any words of wisdom to pass on to me they would greatly be appreciated, I'm feeling really down in the dumps. Peace.

Hello all. Sorry I didn't post yesterday. I was in a hellish mood and left work early. I hate my job. It has become increasingly harder each day to come in. I dread work and I hate that. I also have the itch now to stay home which we are planning on doing anyways after the baby is born. It is so hard here though. I don't feel appreciated. I'm not really fond of the people I work with. I'm so tired that I feel like I can't even keep up with my work. It all sucks really bad and is not made any easier by the fact that I cry at the drop of a hat. That's right folks. I'm in full blown hormone overdrive.

Speaking of hormones, the doctor called and put me on progesterone. She said that my progesteron was in the normal limits but on the lower side of normal and that she was just being extremely cautious. Good. :) Which reminds me I have to go pick up the Metformin from the Associate Pharmacy. I will be on the Metfomin and the progesterone until 12 weeks.

I've lost the ability to suck it in. Not that I have a baby pouch yet. Just can't suck it in. I used to go around work constantly sucking it in, letting it out, sucking it in, letting it out. It's strange now because I can't sick it in. I feel like there is someone on the inside pushing against me when I try. Hm. Strange eh?

Also getting strange "tugging" feelings around my pelvic bone. Not cramps more like spasms. Uncomfortable but not horribly painful. Anyone know what it could be?

22 days till the ultrasound! I'm more relaxed lately. I know everything is okay except that some other part of me worries all of the time. My mom bought me "The Pregnancy Journal" and I love it! It tells me what is happening every day and that is really neat. I think Erich likes reading it too. It keeps him involved. I really want to get "The Expectant Father" for him. I might like to read it too, heh. Maybe I'll ask my mom or his mom to get it for him for Fathers Day or for his birthday this month!

WE ARE GETTING A NEW COMPUTER! Whoopee! :) This Saturday is when it will be ready and it is the computer of both of our dreams. Yay! I'll be back online at home Saturday evening. Erich's best friend is getting married that day and I'm on call but come hell or high water we are going to be online! I haven't been able to read SO many blogs because they are blocked from work. urghh.

Oops I have to go to the weekly meeting and go to the potty! Hope all is well. I'll sit and write more later! :)

Okay I'm feeling a bit better today. Mainly because the nausea is coming back. For the past few days I hadn't been as sick as I had been before. That scares me. But it is coming back. And I know that the nausea probably got better because my nutrition was better. I've been eating a ton of fruits (it's about the only thing that tastes good!) and the prenatal vitamins probably help balance stuff out. I also started eating something every hour and a half to two hours. And I've been drinking TONS of H2O and rasberry lemonade (I can't get rid of that craving, yummm) I've cut back my caffeine intake to one coke a day (coca-cola that is) and I'm gradually weaning down to a smaller cup size all together (again the drink size. the other cup size is long gone) So the better lifestyle "should" make the nausea go away and it did. The OB calleld this morning to say that my progesterone is fine. I'm fine. STOP WORRYING! ha! I can't imagine that if I worry about him when he's in there all cozy and such, how will I ever deal with taking him out of my body. (I'm calling him him now. I don't like calling it it. And I don't like calling it embryo fetus etc etc etc. It's a baby to me. My baby, so I feel I should address him as a person of importance. )

23 days until the ultrasound!!! I really could just go back and get the ultrasound from one of the OR rooms and look for myself but it is hard to distinguish objects and such. I'll be glad when I get to the point at which I can hear the heartbeat on the doppler. We have a doppler in the OR and I have experience finding the heartbeat from when I worked in L&D so I can probably safely bet that is why I will go to work then. Just to hear the heartbeat, heh. I find myself feeling a lot like Shana. I'll be feeling a certain way or asking myself a certain question and I'll log onto the web and see her blog and feel reassured that she feels the same way too. I almost wanna call her up on the phone and talk to her, hehe.

The damn internet still isn't working and for the love of God I DON"T KNOW WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG! I'm about to give up and go buy a new computer. Erich thinks it maybe the motherboard and we've tried everything including standing on our heads holding our breath while jiggling the cord. Urgh. I will have internet by God and I want cable internet at that! Hmph.

Gotta go back to work. Later gators.

24 days till the ultrasound! Damn internet is STILL not working. It recognizes the modem now but the software won't install. We are about to give up and get DSL. It's driving me mad! So I have some things to do around the house when I get home but after that I'm going to make that damn computer connect to the internet if it is the last thing I do. I have to go back to work right now but I hope to be getting off very soon. I hate it here and I don't want to work at all. I'll write more later. (hopefully!)

I just wanted to jot down a really quick note. Seems that my network card is bad in my home computer. We'll stop and buy one tonight after we CLOSE! That's right folks today is the day we become homeowners! It just feels so right now that we have a baby on the way! Holy crap! We're having a baby! :) It seems to be sinking in more each day. I agree with Shana though that the days just pass very slowly and I'm always afraid something bad will happen. I am a bit more at ease today though. I had my blood drawn last night the HcG is now 1784!!! That's high and I think Erich is at home now pacing and trying to figure out what we would do with two of them! I'm elated. I feel much better now knowing that it is doubling. She says I have nothing to worry about. The light cramping is dying out, I haven't spotted or anything, I have sore boobs, nausea, a backache, and frequent pee visits and that sounds normal to her! There is no history of miscarriage in the family and that they tend to carry babys too long! yay! :) We will have an ultrasound on June 26 followed by my very first OB appointment! And we'll see the babys heartbeat! I can't believe it! :)

My mom bought me some stretchy pants yesterday and a nice maternity shirt (one that doesn't look like a maternity shirt for very early pregnancy). I needed something to wear to a wedding in two weeks and my pants are two uncomfortable! I know, I know! It's really really early but it hurts to put pressure on my lower belly and all of my clothes were already "fit" I needed something baggier!

Okay folks, the cable is hooked back up at home. The TV works and after we fix the network card (hopefully tonight) I should be back online! I'm still pregnant and it amazes me and I may just tell you everyday for the next 7 weeks that I am still pregnant each time I post! Ha! You are all going to be so annoyed by me that you won't come back.

I feel like someone punched me in the back. Ouch! And I'm soooo tired. And I LOVE it! :) My temps are still up and I still feel pregnant which makes me feer grrreat! I'm loving this! Even the sore boobs. Can they actually get any sorer?

Last night when I went to babysit I fell asleep on the couch with the ten month old baby. The three year old passed out during the Clifford movie on the floor (butt straight up in the air). I really wasn't asleep asleep, I was opening my eyes every once few minutes and the three year old always asks me before going to potty or rewinding tapes, etc. I still felt a tiny bit bad when they came home and we were all asleep. They said it was cute though. You decide. ;)

Gotta go back to work ladies.

I forgot to mention that the HPT I took last night was positive. :) My level came back today!! At 17 dpo I was at 700 mil/unit or whatever measurable unit they use. :) Not too high and I like that but higher than the "statistically high average for singleton HcG levels" according to Babymed.com. So I'm happy! Tomorrow, another blood test yay! :)

I have realized that I have late day/evening sickness verses morning sickness. As the day passes I get increasingly sicker especially after lunch. But hey I don't care! :) Whoopee I'm pregnant!

(Can you tell that it hasn't quite sunk in yet?)

I am soooo tired. I could seriously sleep standing up. I think the sleep effect is made worse by the fact that my OR rooms were both on hold most of the morning so I had little to do. If I keep moving it keeps me awake.

This is something I also think you guys will know about, but I have come to realize that there is a very fine line between hunger and nausea. Hot dogs and fruit seem to be what this baby likes. Everything else makes me hurl. At least I'm eating a ton of fruit. I need to start carrying snacks with me in my purse and some to put in the locker in the department. If I don't keep eating something every couple of hours I get really really really sick.

I'm waiting for a call back from the OB. They should have the HcG level back. I just want to make sure there is only alien in there. Two would be super and I'd be happy and everything but it would be shocking! One is perfect, but hey I'll take what I can get if you know what I mean! :) I've been having dreams that they call and say they think there are two, come in for the ultrasound. It could just be my nervous fears playing with me though.

In other news the home mortgage guy really pissed me off this morning. He pages me (I carry a pager at work) and I call him back and I am told that he is on the phone. That ticks me off big time. So he pages me again and he tells me that he needs to know who is going to be carrying the home insurance RIGHT NOW. Now this thoroughly pisses me off because a) you didn't tell me you wanted it today at 10:30 and b) WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO ABOUT IT AT WORK? I tell him he needs to call Erich, that Erich is taking care of it, and he will be out of class and at work between 12:15 and 1:00. The guy says that won't work. He needs it NOW. I almost want to yell at him, "WELL TOO BAD! I CAN'T DO ONE DAMN THING ABOUT IT NOW!" But I refrained from yelling at him, so where is my damn cookie?

I have to go back to work. Have a great day ya'll!

Okay, so I have comments to respond to comments. Did that make sense? First off I think Rachel is the funniest lady ever since one post there is a comment that reads " I agree sweet baby. {Annika} Now can you update? Like, about you?" then goes on to another comment reading "I just saw your chart! I just saw your chart! Yippee!" Hahaha. Cracked me up! To answer Shana: this is the first time I ovulated ( I think.) Erich says he has super sperm! I think we will be having baby towards the end of January first of February. I'll have a better date probably next week. I just had my blood drawn. We have to make sure there is only one baby in there. (There is increased risk since we took Clomid. Neither he or I have hx of twins so are chancing went from nil to 10% which in my eyes is a pretty big jump!) Speaking of Clomid I would love to kiss the man/woman who invented it!

The HPT Story

The PIL came over on Sunday. Erich was just positive I was pregnant, MIL suspected, and I doubted. I didn't want to take the test because I HATE the negative results. They left and we went to bed and I was very very sick to my stomach. He fell asleep and I decided, to hell with it, I'm taking the damn test. I went in POTS and watched as one line appeared then two. I fumbled for directions and figured out what that meant (even though I knew what it meant) and ran and got Erich out of bed screaming " Erich come here! Erich come here!" He got to the batheroom, looked at my two lines, asked "what does that mean?" I threw the directions at him and he said, "you're pregnant. SUZANNE! I THOUGHT THE HOUSE WAS ON FIRE!" Then he was excited. I then called mi madre. The end.

Well I'm off to take another test! Hey, what can I say? I like taking the test when it comes out positive! :) More tomorrow.

We still don't have internet which is the reasoning for my absence over the long weekend. It should be installed by then and Erich promises to have the computer fixed (it doesn't recognize the modem that is working) So I'll be back up then. And it appears I will have to start blogging more since Jennifer has noticed that we are due to have a royal child towards the end of January beginning of February-ish. I'm going today after work to get my blood drawn, buy a pregnancy book (one that has pictures and details each week, especially for Erich to read I think it will help bring him into the pregnancy) I might start another blog especially about the pregnancy for the family i.e. Erich's mom. She is excited! Erich is nervous and I am in shock. I feel somewhat pregnant though. I walked into the cafeteria a few minutes ago and almost tossed my cookies with the awful combination of food smells and sights. Yuck. I've only been tolerating hot dogs and fruit. My breasts are sore and heavy.I can hardly walk down the hallway without the "jiggle effect" (that's what I call it!) causing terrible pains. And this may sound like me complaining, BUT I'M LOVING EVERY MINUTE OF IT! So make me puke baby! I'm to excited about what's growing in there. I can't wait to meet you! :)

Another I say... You think...

1. Badminton:: baby
   
2. Obsessive compulsive :: babies?
   
3. Prosthetics:: baby
   
4. Sophistication:: pregnant! yay!
   
5. Hiphop :: baby
   
6. Stammering:: i'm gonna have a baby!
   
7. Property taxes:: holy crap!
   
8. Lowrider:: can it be?
   
9. Blowtorch:: baby baby baby!
   
10. Formality:: I'm gonna get fat! Whoopee!
    

Okay so can you tell what's on my mind? :)

Hey you might want to check out my chart again. And I changed the description of my blog. Look up and tell me what you think! Off to work!

She had her baby!!! I logged on to her husband's site and there she is! The sweetest baby ever! :) Congrats Dawn and Quinn! Welcome to the world baby!

1. Naked:: Man!
   
2. Singular:: Sensation
   
3. Particle:: article
   
4. Unified:: user?
   
5. Lion:: witch, and the wardrobe
   
6. Capitulate:: ???
   
7. Quantum:: reasons
   
8. Celestial:: Tea
   
9. Motion:: Lotion ha!
   
10. Delight::ful
    

Rob's Amazing Poem Generator created this for my blog.

And a positive but
lately and
start to watch
her. and fix it. Dh
will try to go and
sitting in a warning we started
building the other dream about stuff but
lately In there?
On day wish.
That even though my business, go
to get that
is SO wanted and the yard inside
the test
I just found out of
here And sitting in the lives of this guy knew that
I wonder if some embryo was going
to you
understand. I
want to the part that everyone can tell you make
of his 10 favorite bloggers
better than
what do my temps dropped significantly
on Monday.

Urgh. I had this huge post and now it is gone. Damn Blogger. Anyways, as I said before, I skipped work because I am under the weather. Very nauseous. I feel sick and as soon as I lay down and get that feeling to go away I and start to think about food again I get very sick again. Dh says maybe it's morning sickness. One could only hope, right?

It's cycle day 22 and my temps are still up. Is there a little watermelon seed in there? Maybe even two? Heh.

I've been having really weird dreams lately. The other day I dreamed that I was pregnant but I had just found out (opposed to all the dreams I had and I was gigantic pregnant) Anyways I had to go to the batheroom. And the urge was so terribly bad and I'd find a batheroom, do my business, go back to something and I would have another horrible urge to go again. This continued on about 25 times! When I woke up in real life I had to use the batheroom so bad that I could hardly stand up and waddle to the batheroom!

The other dream I had was last night. Dh and I were with some friends somewhere and I told him I couldn't take it anymore and that even though we weren't 18 dpo that I was taking a test. I took the test and left it with him to watch for results and went down (the beach?) to hang out with some friends. A few minutes later I heard him yelling," come here come here come here!!" As I went back up and looked at the test I saw two gigantic, fat lines. I said, " what does that mean?" (as if I didn't know! hah!) And he said, "It's positive!" I said, "uh huh" and he said "yes! it is! we're going to have a baby!" Then I woke up. So what do you make of that?

18 dpo is a very long time to wait. Each passing day seems to get a bit longer than the one before. I yearn to know that the test will come out positive but fear it won't just like every other test. I don't want to do another round of this again. I want to be preg. It sucks. I'm so anxious at this point. I never knew that days could last so long. I try to fill up days without thinking about stuff but it doesn't work. So there really isn't much to say. I'm completely excited that Dawn is almost there. On a good note though, my temps are still up. Yee haw. Soon. Soon we will know. I'm off to be anxious elsewhere.

Hi all. I've been quiet lately. In fact I've been quiet ALL of the time. It has been such an emotional month. I'm 6 days past ovulation today. 12 more and that would mean I would most likely be pregnant. Man I want it so bad. I'm sure you understand. I think about it all day and dream about it all night. I was having weird muscle cramps/ovary cramps the other night while laying in bed with DH watching TV. He looks over at me and says, " wouldn't it be great if some embryo was just burying itself in you right now? " Yes it would. It makes me want to cry to think that him and I could create a baby. A baby that is so wanted and will be so loved that I feel at times I am just going to burst. Okay, now I'm crying and I'm sitting in the hospital library so I probably look like a freak!

Now I wonder if I should test on day 28 of my cycle or wait to see if I get to 18 dpo. Hmm. Man I don't want to see AF.

So I've been quiet lately and tired. It seems I have left my brain in other places because I can't seem to remember simple stuff. I don't know what it is but I hope I feel back to normal soon, whatever the hell that may be. I hate work. I dread it, which isn't like me. It just seems now that the shit is hitting the fan and it awful to be here. I don't want to be here. I'm tired of seeing pregnant bellies (though I would like to see Dawn's) I actually love preg bellies but lately I just can't seem to get happy for "real life" people. I'm ecstatic about Dawn though. And I can't wait to see a picture of her and hear her name! I will get that package in the mail Dawn, I promise! I'm running out of time! :)

Thanks to Jennifer for the Mothers Day wish. That also made me cry. :)

Just as a warning we still do not have internet at home. I just need to copy all of the blog addresses down and then reformat the computer. I think somethings bad in there so might as well. That damn computer is probably nearing the end. I just pray it holds on a couple of more months. I will try and get to the library to post if I can't get it to work at home. If not I'll talk to you all on Monday. Have a fabulous weekend.

Hi all. I've been quiet lately. In fact I've been quiet ALL of the time. It has been such an emotional month. I'm 6 days past ovulation today. 12 more and that would mean I would most likely be pregnant. Man I want it so bad. I'm sure you understand. I think about it all day and dream about it all night. I was having weird muscle cramps/ovary cramps the other night while laying in bed with DH watching TV. He looks over at me and says, " wouldn't it be great if some embryo was just burying itself in you right now? " Yes it would. It makes me want to cry to think that him and I could create a baby. A baby that is so wanted and will be so loved that I feel at times I am just going to burst. Okay, now I'm crying and I'm sitting in the hospital library so I probably look like a freak!

Now I wonder if I should test on day 28 of my cycle or wait to see if I get to 18 dpo. Hmm. Man I don't want to see AF.

So I've been quiet lately and tired. It seems I have left my brain in other places because I can't seem to remember simple stuff.

Whoa, I am not a tramp! I think it may be all the raging hormones affecting my subconscious.

Tramp Bear


Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?
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Try this link for my chart.

Stolen from Dawn.


Let's not bicker and argue about who killed who!


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Still no internet!!! I spoke with the cable company this morning. They can't see my computer, the comp says "cable unplugged", and the modem responds when they ping so the problem is on my end. Maybe dh will be in a better mood tonight and can take a look at it and fix it.

My temp chart looks very promising! yay! So I'm going to go and try and figure out how I can link it so you guys can tell me if you think it looks promising.

I was reading dh copy of "Wired" magazine last night. They were talking about blogspace. It was said that this guy knew what was going on in the lives of his 10 favorite bloggers better than what was going on in the lives of his "real life" closest friends, and it is SO TRUE! It makes sense though. I tell you guys everything and I don't speak much anymore in real life, though I am a big talker. Oh well. I catch you all on the shizzy (I've been reading stuff on the Shizzolator too much!)

This time I have an excuse for not blogging! :) The storm knocked out the cable sometime Saturday afternoon. Hopefully I will be able to get online. We finished our fence this weekend. It is SUPER nice and Ella LOVES it. Dh joked that you can almost hear her singing "Let freedom ring!" out in the yard while she is running around! It's fun to watch her.

My BBT temps dropped significantly on Saturday and shot back up Sunday and a bit higher today. Hopefully that is good news. I'm hoping to get out of here early today so I can go home and finish mowing the lawn. I got the yard inside the fence mowed now just need to do the part that everyone can see! :) Back to hell, I mean work.

I know this is late but I've avoided reading others to be untainted! :)

1. Nanny:: Rich
   
2. Weight:: Loss
   
3. Deep:: Sorrow
   
4. Sock:: Holey
   
5. 24 hours:: a day, 7 days a week
   
6. Tongue:: hehehe
   
7. Fees:: money
   
8. Champagne:: Toast
   
9. Bruise:: ouch
   
10. Pancakes:: breakfast
    

Sorry about my absence. I've not been feeling well the past few days. Yesterday dh and I had the day off. We started building the fence. It is almost finished. yay! :) Last night I had horrible "ovary" pains. My ovaries felt like they were splitting open. Hopefully that is a good thing. A girl at work who took clomid said that that is what it felt like too. I think I had a positive OPK this morning but both lines were faded but they were both the same darkness. The temps are staying about the same but the same girl also said that her temps didn't change on clomid. So we'll see! I've got to write out bills now. I'll blog more lately. :)