This was fun! :)


How evil are you?

I would like to have a moment of silence for dear Jennifer's cat, Chincey, who passed away this morning. :( Pets are gifts to us and become not just our companions but a member of the family. They weep with us when loved ones pass and rejoice with us during the happier times in life. My dogs have given me everything in the world. My oldest, given to me by my late father, saw me through his death and has been there forever. Ella, my puppy, continues to bring joy to me everytime I walk into the room. She thinks of me as mom and is teaching my husband to be a great father. And as much as she, or any other pet, annoys me, chews up my cell phone, or poops on the floor because she just can't hold it anymore, we wouldn't give them up for anything in the world. I know Jennifer and Anth must be feeling something awful. So let's send good thoughts there way with this moment of silence, remember the pets we have lost before, and dear Chincey. **silence**

Oh my gosh! I'm so happy! ***Note to reader: If you in anyway don't want to get up close and personal with me then I suggest skipping this entry. Remember that I don't have to post things that make others happy, this a documentation of my own life, my own journal by which you are choosing to celebrate the happenings in my life. :) Thank you for doing so! But as before mentioned, if you don't want to know the very nitty gritty don't read this entry! Tune in tomorrow! :) ***

AF arrived today. I haven't been visited by AF regularly since I stopped birth control in June. She last made a visit in November with the little aid of provera *drugs*. But today she came by herself *obviously prompted by the lower insulin levels due to the glucophage* and I welcomed her home with loving arms. To be truthful, as awful as she can sometimes be, I missed her terribly. All girls know this, even if they don't want babies. When you are growing up, you wait for the day that AF makes an appearance in your life. SHE is your defining moment of when you became a woman. Health class revolved around this one proud shining moment for many years! And when she finally came you felt like you could put your "training bra" on and walk with pride. :) You were now a true woman! AF, I've missed you so much. And as much as you are welcome, I would like a baby first, then for you to come and visit again on a regular basis. If you will all excuse me, I'm going to find my training bra to walk with pride...

I spent last night in the Emergency Room. Yesterday I went to work, didn't feel well, but went anyway. By 7:30 my stomach was cramping horribly. I took some medicine and walked around and such. By 12:30 I couldn't bare it anymore. By this time I had vomited and was literally at my wits end. I went to the ER, they gave me a pregnancy test, negative :(, and drew blood. My white blood cell count is 17,000 *very high* and my tummy is tender to touch everywhere. The high white blood cell count means that there is an infection somewhere. After two sticks for an IV, two morphine pushes, some phenegran, xrays, and a ct scan, they don't think it is appendicitis. Not to sure though. :(

Today I had to take the day off of work considering that I was very sick last night and had been in the ER until 5am. I went to my family doctor and she drew more blood. If my tummy doesn't get any better , it is still really tender to touch, then I should go see her again. She is checking to make sure my white blood cells are going down if not she'll do more tests. :( I don't want to have an appendectomy. Working in surgery has just made me even more scared of surgery because the unknown is all known. I have complete faith that they would take care of me and such but it's just scary. I'm afraid that if the pain doesn't go away or if it gets as severe again as it was last night that they will take my appendix just in case. I really don't know what else it could be. The plus side, they gave me some nice drugs to chase the bad pain away. The bad side, my tummy still really aches and I'm really sore and I have to go back to work tomorrow. I'm gonna go play some Sims, hopefully it will make me feel better. ;)

So yesterday morning before work I went down to the laundry room to work on (you guessed it!) laundry! So I put the clothes in the dryer and started up the washer and measuring soaps and such and went upstairs and went to work. When I got home I went downstairs, folded the clothes in the dryer, and opened up the washer and... there weren't any clothes in there. At this point I'm confused, I know that dryers eat socks, but the washer eating an entire load of laundry? That's ridiculous. Well folks, it turns out that I just forgot to put clothes in the washer. Yup, I ran an entire cycle with soap but no clothes! It's official, I've lost my mind...

Sometimes I just feel dumb. Downright stupid. The ladies I sit and eat lunch with at work were talking about the stock market and real estate and mortgages. I'm just now learning about mortgages and for the most part I still leave it up to my husband. Yes, I have the checkbook and I pay the bills and such but we really figure out where the money is going together. I rely on him to know the stuff about mortgages, the stock market, and what's going on in the world. And I hate it sometimes that I am more comfortable just keeping the house going, making sure everything is clean and that everybody has a full belly. Is that wrong? Should I be more "liberated" and "self-empowering" and learn this stuff? With the war stuff, I am such a worrier that "ignorance is really bliss" for me. Now I can debate some stuff. And I can carry on full conversations with you on the pros and cons of abortion, religion, immigration and lots of other colorful things. And I can get really charged up talking about this stuff. Is that enough though? As I said a couple of days ago, I hate feeling stupid and made to look stupid. And lately it has been happening a lot. And to be very honest, it's starting to piss me off!

So since my last post I have conquered the next goal in Sims! Finished up cleaning the living room (which was the zone for this week), and started laundry. Currently working on that while playing openended Sims (no levels, no goals, just playing) on the freeall cheat mode with my husband. :) This cheat lets you buy anything and everything for free! :) I love my strategy book!

So today I've mainly cleaned and played Sims. We went to Kokomo and did a bit of shopping. We bought three playstation2 games from Target (buy two at $19.99 get one free!) and a Sims for Playstation2 strategy guide. The strategy guide has made all of the difference and allowed me to conquer the level I had been stuck at. :)

Thought I would share this with you. Today we were walking through Sam's Club and I'm telling my husband about my week. I was telling him how this chick at work eats Grape jolly ranchers all of the time and it makes me absolutely just want to puke. And the other day he put BBQ sauce on his pepperoni pizza and that thought plus the smell made me puke. So we are walking through Sams and there are all of these deserts and such and I just want to eat them! Mind you, I'm not much of a sweet/desert kind of person, especially since they put me on MetforminXR (glucophage). At this time I realize that I have to go to the batheroom (for like the tenth time in three hours). He asks me "are you pregnant?"

This catches my surprise for a few reasons. A) I haven't even thought about it. Most of the time I'm telling myself that I should just give up because it won't happen. B) I realize that I still haven't gotten my period and on Monday it will be four weeks since starting the glucophage. I get my blood redrawn to check insulin levels on Friday. C) In the past it has always been me who suggested that I was pregnant. He never suggests it. D) I've been having really bizarre vivid dreams lately. And I'm having a recurring dream about a baby girl. In the dream, she is so real that I can smell her and my heart and breast ache when she cries. It is absolutely the weirdest thing.

So maybe quite possibly God has shown his loving face upon us and is sending me a baby. I sure hope so. :)

The Friday Five

1. What is your favorite type of literature to read (magazine, newspaper, novels, nonfiction, poetry, etc.)?
I prefer fiction. I like getting lost in a different life, which is probably why I love the stage, acting, and performing. I currently subscribe to REDBOOK, just because it always has neat ideas for working ladies. :) I finally fit into that married category.

2. What is your favorite novel?
I absolutely LOVE "She's Come Undone" by Wally Lamb. EVERYONE SHOULD READ IT! I've read it at least 15 times, and I think I'll go pull it off the shelf and start it again. :) I always get something new from it.

3. Do you have a favorite poem? (Share it!)
My favorite peom is "Ad Finem" by Ella Wheeler Wilcox.

AD FINEM

On the white throat of the useless passion
That scorched my soul with its burning breath,
I clutched my fingers in murderous fashion,
And gathered them close in a grip of death;
For why should I fan, or feed with fuel,
A love that showed me but blank despair?
So my hold was firm, and my grasp was cruel--
I meant to strangle it then and there!

I thought it was dead. But with no warning,
It rose from its grave last night, and came
And stood by my bed till the early morning,
And over and over it spoke your name.
Its throat was red where my hands had held it,
It burned my brow with its scorching breath;
And I said, the moment my eyes beheld it,
"A love like this can know no death."

For just one kiss that your lips have given
In the lost and beautiful past to me,
I would gladly barter my hopes of Heaven
And all the bliss of Eternity.
For never a joy are the angels keeping
To lay at my feet in Paradise,
Like that of into your strong arms creeping,
And looking into your love-lit eyes.

I know, in the way that sins are reckoned,
This thought is a sin of the deepest dye;
But I know, too, if an angel beckoned,
Standing close by the Throne on High,
And you, adown by the gates infernal,
Should open your loving arms and smile,
I would turn my back on things supernal,
To lie on your breast a little while.

To know for an hour you were mine completely--
Mine in body and soul, my own--
I would bear unending tortures sweetly,
With not a murmur and not a moan.
A lighter sin or a lesser error
Might change through hope or fear divine;
But there is no fear, and hell has no terror
To change or alter a love like mine.

Poems of Passion by Ella Wheeler
Chicago : Belford, Clarke & Co, 1883


4. What is one thing you've always wanted to read, or wish you had more time to read?
More books!

5. What are you currently reading?
Catching up on Redbooks before I a) find a book I want to read and b) find the money in which to pay for the book I want to read.

Yesterday was awful. I hate that people see me as not being as intelligent as they are just because I hold a job below them. Do they not realize that I am working towards a degree? Do they not realize that not only did I graduate high school, but that I went to a very sophisticated private school. I went to DePauw University. It is ranked in the top 50 schools in America. Only the best of the best survive. I have also been a nurse aide since I was 16. I know my way around. I have been very good at learning this job. I always listen and observe in an effort to learn. I have taken classes to learn about aseptic technique, positioning the patient for surgery, and prepping the surgical site. I am efficient in and outside the OR. A lot of times, I know how to find different things and tools in the OR that even the nurse doesn't know. So why do you treat me badly? Why don't you recognize that I am a human being, an adult, someone who understands English? In fact, I'm bilingual! I'm an important tool that makes your job all the easier. Yet you spit on me. You insult me by explaining things to me as if I were a child. And it hurts! I would rather you talk to me as if I understood everything you understand and allow me to ask when I feel l don't know. I'll write a more cheerful blog later...

Today has just been awful. :*( Last night we had just climbed into bed when we heard someone pounding on the front door. So, like normal, sane people, we get a bit freaked out because who knocks on the door at 11 o'clock when all the lights are out, right? We worry. There is a man at the front door, says he just got off of work from around the corner, and he just watched this woman hit our truck!!! So we throw on shoes grab our coats and run out there (we park along the street-- no garage or driveway--extremely small town w/ pop. at about 10,000). Sure enough some dumb ***** lady (sorry I'm angry) hit our truck. The tail light is smashed the driver side panel is dented and crunched. But the story gets even better. She took off. That's right folks, a hit and run. So now I'm more upset when Mr. Good Samaritan tells me he got the license plate number and called the cops. AND that the cops had just dug this chick out of a snow drift down the street. Mr. G. Samaritan had watched while waiting for his wife to pick him up from work. So about this time the police car pulls up. (we live about a block away from the police station/fire station, a fact that calms my soul) He says he knows who hit it and they are looking for her and running her plates. :/ So when he left us he was going to her house where they had called her and she was there and had admitted to being in accident. SO WHY THE HECK DID YOU FLEE THE SCENE? Mr. Good Samaritan says that by the way he was driving she looked drunk. Mr. Police Man says that when digging her out of the snow drift she had seemed nervous but didn't notice physical drunkeness but that she had gotten in the car and sped off in a hurry. urggh...

This morning we got up and went to get estimates for repair. They are quoting about $2000. She better have insurance cause if not I'm taking her butt to court. No doubt about it. I don't have the $$$ to fix it myself or pay my deductible and have my insurance go up. Nor do we deserve to have to drive a truck around that's been smashed. She also lost her mirror in the accident. I told the guy at the body shop (who is a close friend of the family) that if a grey Monte Carlo comes in for work and she is missing her passenger side mirror, that I've got it and I'm looking for her!!! Where ever you are Ms. I-drive-a-stinking-Monte-Carlo-and-I-was-drunk-and-hit-poor-suzanne's-husbands-truck-and-took-off-like-a-dumbass I'm looking for you! You have to fix my truck! **anger!**

I've been meaning to share this with you guys, I received it in an email. I hate forwards but thought you would appreciate it. Here goes:


MOM - Job Description

POSITION: Mother, Mom, Mama

JOB DESCRIPTION: Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES: The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION: Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION: Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS: While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.

I am so proud of myself! I have actually been doing what FlyLady says. And when she says to do something that is already done, I do an extra thing in the house like sweep or vacuum. Last night, the husband went with a friend to see a movie. I came home and watched the Joe Millionaire recap (I only actually watched the first episode of JM, the finale, and the recap.), washed dishes, read blogs, cut coupons (in the breakroom at work people bring in coupons that they don't use and put them in a coupon box, I took advantage of it!), washed dishes, set the trash out for pickup this morning (usually a husband job), and walked Ella (usually a husband job!). :) I was so proud that I did so much. I felt like I had accomplished something. This morning I got up and went to the dentist and then vacuumed the living room and entry way. That helps out a lot with the dog hair. Tomorrow I am going to pick up a family friends dog, Bailey. He is pretty cool, just really hangs out. They are going out of town on vacation and I just scooped up the chance to make an extra $100. I really need the cash. Okay break is over! Must get back to work! :) Have a great day!

FYI: Merriam-Webster says that eejitous is not found or not a word! :) I found this really cool website, actually I found it in my REDBOOK magazine, that has been a lot of help lately. I figured I should share it with you, so you can make all of your lives easier! It is REFDESK. Hope it helps!

I'm an irredeemably eejitous, moderate, disgustingly generous, relatively well adjusted human being!
See how compatible you are with me!
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey

I'm sick. YUCK. I have a headache-becoming-a-migraine that has persisted to get worse and worse since last night. My tummy is turning and my head is spinning. I feel like I'm going to toss my cookies. :( Work has been really slow today and it looks like Monday is going to be just as slow. I may have to go home today. Who wants a sick person coming to get them for surgery? It would make me nervous if some obviously sick girl came to get them for a surgery in which their belly would be open and then sick girl would be in the room. Can we say infection?

I joined the FLYLADY group. It sounds like a pretty smart way of getting and keeping the house in shape. My husband is just as excited.

Okay I gotta go "toss my cookies" Sorry for the graphic description, girls. I'll write more later after I take some (baby-safe) drugs. No, I don't know if I am pregnant, I don't think I am, but the OBGYN went ahead and prescribed me baby-safe medicine for my migraines just in case we get there. :) Drugs are a beautiful thing...

I feel like I am just kinda here. It is terribly slow today at work. I'm looking forward to 3:00 though because that is when we get our checks. I would like to just go home then and pay bills! and clean my house, but maybe not. I need to stay here to make money because we need it so desperately. But I hate it when it is slow and I finished my book *by the way it was awesome! you should read it too* I'm going to join this "FLY LADY" person I keep hearing about. I'll give you a link when I get home from work. Tomorrow is supposed to be slow too. I have SO MUCH to do I may slip out of here early but take VTO *voluntary time off. you don't get paid but you get the hours credited to you so you get your retention bonus. the rb comes around quarterly and you have to have worked like at least 500 hours to get it. VTO allows you to go but still get the hours so you get the bonus. And it saves the department money.*
I can't believe it is Thursday. PRIME TIME TV! whoopee. Which is why I'd like to go home early. So I can clean and then sit down with the laundry and watch my shows. Ella got a bath this morning. The husband and I jumped in the shower and had to take her in there with us (so she doesn't find her way into trouble). When we got out I told him to just throw her in too. But the older dog, Gracy, the one who has bladder control issues, needs a bath too. If I got home early I could do that and blow dry her. (it's too cold outside and in our drafty 100 yr old house to leave her wet)
I'm gonna go find the Thursday Thumb Twiddler and see if it is worth completing. I'll talk at you later. Adios....

I didn't take the test. I'm a chicken. :) I think I'm just going to wait it out and stop thinking about it. It's kinda stressing me out which doesn't help the getting pregnant part. So I'm just going to enjoy the "getting" pregnant part **wink wink** and see what happens. :)

Not much of a big day. Went to work and then the Suture Boys took us out to bw3's for happy hour. It was cool to hang out with the people I work with all day. They are a fun group. Not to mention the suture guy Gary is a lot of fun ** I have to suck up to him because 1) he did me a favor and 2) he made me tell him my blogsite addy so he's gonna come visit. :) But he really is cool, and he got lucky on Valentines Day because I gave him a good idea. :) LOL Okay I'm going back to my book. Talk atcha later!

Okay everybody is driving me nuts today. I am not pregnant, if I am, I don't know it. I'm tired of walking the halls at work and seeing big pregnant bellies. And all those babies! I want one! I'm tired of people asking me "are you pregnant?" NO! I AM NOT ******* PREGNANT! I WILL LET YOU KNOW! And there is the other, "heh, well are you doing it right?" urgh. If little girls who haven't graduated high school can concieve I am sure that my husband and myself, two college educated individuals, can concieve. STOP ASKING. IT ISN'T HELPING.

It's my body and it is stupid. Stupid, stupid body. The medicine that is supposed to make my body work right makes me so terribly terribly sick. I hate it. :( But I want a baby so bad. And I might be pregnant. I've been on this medicine almost three weeks. Maybe my body got the message released an egg and my hunny's "swimmers" greeted it with open arms. Okay so that was a bit graphic, but it's highly possible, right? **agree with me, I'm trying to be positive" So with that in mind I bought a pregnancy test. Two to be correct. I figured that if I wasn't I would need one next month. And if the first one was positive, then I would want to take another one to make sure. heh. Think good thoughts and I'll take this test in the morning. I'm so tired of disappointment. And I hate only seeing one line. I hate it. HATE HATE HATE. urgh. I'm gonna get back to my book. ** New book. "Fast Women" by Jennifer Cruise ** I'll see you tomorrow kiddies...

**note to self: must blog more** I've been so wrapped up in my book that nothing in the world matters. Plus, it has been so cold that I just don't feel like doing anything. I did finish my book, I Don't Know How She Does It, which was an AWESOME book. :) I've been doing laundry today and playing the sims. I'm trying to beat the game so I can unlock all of the cool stuff and use it during the open ended version that my husband and I have started. I also need to mop floors but that might have to wait. This house is so big and hard to keep up with. I don't know how my mom did it all those years, except for the fact that she LOVES to clean which probably makes it a lot easier. What the heck are we going to have for dinner/lunch. I would like to go to Superwalmart in Kokomo, IN but since I'm on call for the hospital I can't go that far north in case I get called in. I called them this morning and the call board looked dead so I don't think that I would get called in, but one can never assume, it makes an ass out of u and me. ;) **sigh** I have to go cut coupons out of the Sunday paper, practice the piano *that is fun* and clean.

We did get snow here by the way, it snowed, and snowed, and snowed, and snowed. And today it's supposed to snow, snow, snow, sleet, snow, hail, snow.... And tomorrow.....