Stress

I'm a bit stressed right now. It seems for every two steps you take forward, you always take one back. I'm stressed about money. The hospital just came out with the new insurance plans. Instead of the I don't pay anything my HMO pays 100% that I have now, my plan changes to 80%/20%. (me paying 20% with a deductible.) Someone said, it's just like everyone else who doesn't have hospital insurance, but I say thats crap. People that generally pay 20% aren't limited by networks. I'm not going to freak out about this right now. I know in my heart that things will work out. Heh, maybe I should stick a paypal button up "help me deliver my child!" I'll worry about it when E's insurance stuff comes out. Maybe if I wish really really hard, one of his plans will pick me up pregnant. One can hope, right?

A highlight of today is that I saw baby. :) It is really slow in the OR so Mel and I went and played on the u/s machine. She's in there alright, and I'm still saying she because we saw a head, spine, a butt, two legs, two arms, some fingers, and some toes and NO penis. :) She does look a little cramped with those long legs though. She had her feet around her ears. :) And she's head down. She sucked her thumb and we saw her doing the "mimicking" breathing, which was way cool. When we took the probe and poked it into my tummy, she promptly gave us swift thump right at the probe! When we talked to her, she responded to our voices. It was really great. We printed a lot of pictures but only two are really great. One of her beautiful spine ( I love seeing all those vertabrae!) and one of her head and toes! Those tiny toes! And she has gotten so big since just 6 weeks ago. I fall more in love with her everyday and I just can't believe it.

Anywho, if you get a moment, send a silent thought our way that things will work out like they are supposed to in January. I'm sincerely scared, and working full time isn't an option. I'm going to try and babysit once a week and take baby with me. I'm also going to try and get a house to clean biweekly. Hopefully that will pull us through. I just know in my heart that I need to be home with baby, and E doesn't seem to be as worried about the $$. The thought of having to pay 20% is a bit daunting at this point though. This is boring to you guys, I know. I'm sorry.

I'm going to go fold some baby clothes that a lady I know gave us and set them on the changing table. I think laying them and seeing what I have and need will help. I'll wash them in December. I'm getting ready to order my clothe dipes pretty soon too. Official nesting has begun I believe. Night night, sweet dreams, and don't let bed bugs bite.