Can you see my teeth?
Friday, July 30, 2004
Is It Enough?
No matter how much I do in a day, I never seem to feel like I've done enough. I get the feeling that Erich feels the same way, but never says anything. I like to tell myself that it is all in my head, but it isn't helping.
And I'm tired. I'm more tired now then when I was pregnant. T is really really really wearing me out. Every task is a battle whether it's a meal, putting socks on, or going to the bathroom. She makes me want to stick my head in a pillow and scream. And even if you tell her not to do something, she does it anyways. I'll ask her, " why did you just do x when I told you not to?" Her response, "because I wanted to." AHHHH!
I start my new job next week. Erich is bugging me about going to Missouri to visit family. I don't think we have the cash to do it, nor do I feel like I have the energy to do it. He wants to ride with his brother and SIL. They don't have children. SIL doesn't seem to appreciate having children around. They want to go on Labor Day weekend and I'm not sure how they could deal with a 7 1/2 month old for 6-8 hours each way in a car. There is only so much car time she can handle. And they'd have to stop more than usual because they wouldn't be cool with me bf'ing in the car (and I don't think I'd be comfortable with them too) and she does eat an awful lot. I've postponed starting solids until 7 months and I'll re-evaluate then. So she eats a fair amount during the day. Do they realize what this entails?
Life can be so darn tiring.
And I'm tired. I'm more tired now then when I was pregnant. T is really really really wearing me out. Every task is a battle whether it's a meal, putting socks on, or going to the bathroom. She makes me want to stick my head in a pillow and scream. And even if you tell her not to do something, she does it anyways. I'll ask her, " why did you just do x when I told you not to?" Her response, "because I wanted to." AHHHH!
I start my new job next week. Erich is bugging me about going to Missouri to visit family. I don't think we have the cash to do it, nor do I feel like I have the energy to do it. He wants to ride with his brother and SIL. They don't have children. SIL doesn't seem to appreciate having children around. They want to go on Labor Day weekend and I'm not sure how they could deal with a 7 1/2 month old for 6-8 hours each way in a car. There is only so much car time she can handle. And they'd have to stop more than usual because they wouldn't be cool with me bf'ing in the car (and I don't think I'd be comfortable with them too) and she does eat an awful lot. I've postponed starting solids until 7 months and I'll re-evaluate then. So she eats a fair amount during the day. Do they realize what this entails?
Life can be so darn tiring.
Tuesday, July 27, 2004
Army Moves
While writing that entry, Magdalena army crawled backwards across the room. Have I mentioned that I'm tired?
Filling In The Blanks
I'm exhausted. This weekend was pretty good. Magdalena and I went up to see Grammy (my mom) and Grampy with Nana and Pa and enjoyed a steak dinner out. Yum. Erich went to his brothers house to help him do a landscaping job. Instead of coming back with cash, he came back with gravel. Nice gravel though that I think he'll be incorporating into the ongoing driveway project.
Saturday evening we joined our friends at the driven. We watched "the Bourne Supremacy" and " Spiderman 2." Fun fun, though very very late. We got home around 2am. Luckily I had given the diva a bath prior to leaving. She had also had some motrin because I assumed her teeth were bothering her (and she was running a fever of about a 100 or so). I hate giving her something when I don't really know what is bothering her, but I tried nursing, patting, bouncing, swinging (outside which she loves) and nothing helped. She even cried a bit in the bathtub which is so not like her. She slept from about 8 till midnight then woke to nurse.
Sunday I went to get groceries. I stopped in at Bed Bath and Beyond and bought a stockpot! yay! I've wanted a stockpot for a while. It's a small one, 8 quarts, but with the mail in rebate and coupon I had, it only cost me $5. It's big enough though that I'm having a hard time finding a proper home in the kitchen for it. I also made a trip to the evil store and Sams Club for some laundry stuff. Magdalena and I were both exhausted from the numerous in and out of the car routines we had to perform. We came home and chilled and watched the end of a movie with Erich. A bit later, Erich and I took the exersaucer out onto the porch and he weed eated the yard while I mowed (we were both watching M). We then took a gigantic walk on a perfect evening. The temperatures have cooled off considerably and haven't really gone above 70 since Saturday. So it was actually cold on our walk. It was very odd.
As of Monday, T is back with us fulltime. Well, 200 plus hours a month. It's exhausting. She threw a huge fit in the middle of the library (complete with screaming) and screamed even more when I dragged her out of the library and ended our visit early. I can not stand a 4 year old child screaming in the middle of a library. We had a long talk about how you listen when adults ask you to do things and that it isn't appropriate to throw tantrums. We also talked about how four year old girls getting ready to go to preschool in a few weeks shouldn't throw tantrums and that is unacceptable behaviour at school. We were supposed to go to swimming lessons after that (they were cancelled because it wasn't 70 degrees outside) and that during swim lessons I didn't want to even see her hesitate when she was asked to do something. She was perfectly behaved the rest of the day and even asked for seconds at lunch and asked me what kind of macaroni and cheese she was eating because it was deelicious. She cracks me up.
I also baked some bread over the weekend, cut a cantaloupe, and made PB cookies. I really really need to make some tortillas. I finished up all the corn tortillas I made last time by making tortilla chips. I should make the flour tortillas tonight so we can have cheese quesadillas tomorrow for lunch.
Yesterday I cleaned the LR from top to bottom and dusted lots of stuff that miss the usual go round. I even climbed on a chair and dusted my fan! I ran the vacuum, and I swear that there is enough hair in it to make another dog. I'm seriously going to shave Gracy bald. It will grow back, I promise. She looks like an over loved teddy bear. She really isn't into people lately. As Erich said, she acts as if she is bitter and hates the world.
As if I'm not doing enough around my house and watching T, I have a new part time job starting next week. I'll be doing some adult sitting (with Magdalena and T) about 3 times a week from 7am to noon. It's going to add about 45 to 50 hours a month to my work schedule and about 400 plus dollars to our income. We really need this, but I can't figure out how I'm working about 100 hours more a month than when I had an actual job and making half the money. It's depressing. Alicia said I need to get super organized which is the polite way of saying that I need to get my act together. I'm really going to have to focus and not lose track of my time or my house is going to slip more than I feel like it already is. I thought I was supposed to be a SAHM?
And here is my other dilemma. I quit my job to stay home with Magdalena. I'm worried that all this other activity is taking away from her. So I need to be super focused on her and make sure she gets 150% of the attention that I wanted her to have so I don't feel like I'm working myself to death and not giving her what she needs.
So beginning next week I'll be taking care of 5 other people on an almost daily basis. I'll be working 250 hours or so "outside" my home and have to keep my home together and keep my sanity. I'm thinking blogging may be a bit crazy while I get into the swing of things.
Saturday evening we joined our friends at the driven. We watched "the Bourne Supremacy" and " Spiderman 2." Fun fun, though very very late. We got home around 2am. Luckily I had given the diva a bath prior to leaving. She had also had some motrin because I assumed her teeth were bothering her (and she was running a fever of about a 100 or so). I hate giving her something when I don't really know what is bothering her, but I tried nursing, patting, bouncing, swinging (outside which she loves) and nothing helped. She even cried a bit in the bathtub which is so not like her. She slept from about 8 till midnight then woke to nurse.
Sunday I went to get groceries. I stopped in at Bed Bath and Beyond and bought a stockpot! yay! I've wanted a stockpot for a while. It's a small one, 8 quarts, but with the mail in rebate and coupon I had, it only cost me $5. It's big enough though that I'm having a hard time finding a proper home in the kitchen for it. I also made a trip to the evil store and Sams Club for some laundry stuff. Magdalena and I were both exhausted from the numerous in and out of the car routines we had to perform. We came home and chilled and watched the end of a movie with Erich. A bit later, Erich and I took the exersaucer out onto the porch and he weed eated the yard while I mowed (we were both watching M). We then took a gigantic walk on a perfect evening. The temperatures have cooled off considerably and haven't really gone above 70 since Saturday. So it was actually cold on our walk. It was very odd.
As of Monday, T is back with us fulltime. Well, 200 plus hours a month. It's exhausting. She threw a huge fit in the middle of the library (complete with screaming) and screamed even more when I dragged her out of the library and ended our visit early. I can not stand a 4 year old child screaming in the middle of a library. We had a long talk about how you listen when adults ask you to do things and that it isn't appropriate to throw tantrums. We also talked about how four year old girls getting ready to go to preschool in a few weeks shouldn't throw tantrums and that is unacceptable behaviour at school. We were supposed to go to swimming lessons after that (they were cancelled because it wasn't 70 degrees outside) and that during swim lessons I didn't want to even see her hesitate when she was asked to do something. She was perfectly behaved the rest of the day and even asked for seconds at lunch and asked me what kind of macaroni and cheese she was eating because it was deelicious. She cracks me up.
I also baked some bread over the weekend, cut a cantaloupe, and made PB cookies. I really really need to make some tortillas. I finished up all the corn tortillas I made last time by making tortilla chips. I should make the flour tortillas tonight so we can have cheese quesadillas tomorrow for lunch.
Yesterday I cleaned the LR from top to bottom and dusted lots of stuff that miss the usual go round. I even climbed on a chair and dusted my fan! I ran the vacuum, and I swear that there is enough hair in it to make another dog. I'm seriously going to shave Gracy bald. It will grow back, I promise. She looks like an over loved teddy bear. She really isn't into people lately. As Erich said, she acts as if she is bitter and hates the world.
As if I'm not doing enough around my house and watching T, I have a new part time job starting next week. I'll be doing some adult sitting (with Magdalena and T) about 3 times a week from 7am to noon. It's going to add about 45 to 50 hours a month to my work schedule and about 400 plus dollars to our income. We really need this, but I can't figure out how I'm working about 100 hours more a month than when I had an actual job and making half the money. It's depressing. Alicia said I need to get super organized which is the polite way of saying that I need to get my act together. I'm really going to have to focus and not lose track of my time or my house is going to slip more than I feel like it already is. I thought I was supposed to be a SAHM?
And here is my other dilemma. I quit my job to stay home with Magdalena. I'm worried that all this other activity is taking away from her. So I need to be super focused on her and make sure she gets 150% of the attention that I wanted her to have so I don't feel like I'm working myself to death and not giving her what she needs.
So beginning next week I'll be taking care of 5 other people on an almost daily basis. I'll be working 250 hours or so "outside" my home and have to keep my home together and keep my sanity. I'm thinking blogging may be a bit crazy while I get into the swing of things.
Tooth Fairy
You know how I've been telling you that Magdalena has some teeth and haven't really given you proof? Well, it's been really hard to get her to let us stick a camera in her mouth, but I present for your viewing pleasure, a picture of her teeth.
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