Saturday, April 05, 2003

Friday, April 04, 2003

I just finished im'ing with Dawn. She is a neat girl! :) And we are both freaks ;) Isn't bonding with other freaks like yourself just grand?
Hello American Express! Let me tell you a few things.

1) My husband and I are married. We are one. This means that he nor I are primary cardholders. We use the card together and we both pay the bill together.

2) He doesn't allow me to use his password nor does he allow me to use the card. As a matter of fact, I'm the one who holds the checkbook.

3) In the future, kissing the butt of the spouse of the primary cardholder will do you a mountain of good.

It's been a real pleasure doing business with you.
Dawn always finds the neat quizzes! :)

Which of Henry VIII's wives are you?

this quiz was made by the groovy ghouls at Spookbot

Thursday, April 03, 2003

My shoes arrived!

Wednesday, April 02, 2003

I can't take it anymore. Here it is 1am, I'm supposed to be at work in less than eight hours, and I sit here crying because I'm not pregnant. My dh came home and told me that yet another person we know is pregnant. And I really just can't take it! I hurt so bad. I don't know what to do. I have no clue how these women try for years and years and years without success. I feel like this horrible horrible failure. I feel like it is never going to happen. I feel like all this time and effort and pain and meticulous steps are all in vain. Yay I'm not going to die for cervical cancer but since I'm allowing you to live (says God) you can have no babies.

No babies. The two words that frighten me. Those words plague my sleep, threaten lifelong saddness. Could it be that I will never hear the pitter patter of tiny feet running through my house? Will I never look out the window and see my dh playing with my babies and the dogs? WIll I never feel that kick from within, never experience that miracles that only others seem to be doing?

I feel like it's unfair. I feel like I don't deserve this. Hasn't my life been hard enough? I watched my dad die in two weeks from a rare, toxic blood disease when I was nine. I've worked since I was 13, fulltime since I was 16. I never got to do what others did after school, because I was wiping butts in nursing homes. I've missed out on so much. My dad didn't teach me to drive, he never met a date, he didn't see my graduate high school, or even help me move out the first time. Worst of all he didn't walk me down the aisle. The one most important moment in a girls life he was not there. And I MISS him. Damnit! I just want to run and scream.

Why can't this one thing be easy? WHY!? I found out today, in addition to that friend, that this chick at work is pregnant. Not married, and pregnant. And it feels so UNFAIR! I want to scream, "I'm doing it the right way! I'm married! I've found a nice stable home, with a stable guy!" "Are you there God, it's me, Suzanne. Please help! HELP HELP HELP!"

This pain is the worst. The emptiness.Maybe this outrage is just sparked by the extra progesterone they have me on. Or maybe it is the reality that is setting in. Childless Suzanne. I should forget about it. They say stupid stuff like, it happens when you least expect it, or when you arent' trying. Bullcrap. I'm tired of not trying, and I'm tired of trying. Heck, I'm just plain tired. And now all my blog readers think I'm psycho. Damnit.

Tuesday, April 01, 2003

I'm listed in Blogshares! Go, run, play! :)
Blogger is having issues. That's all I have to say about that.

Monday, March 31, 2003

Life can be so boring sometimes. My weekend came and went to fast. Saturday we ran some errands and then babysat in the evening. Sunday we went to Menards and returned some things. We then bought a prefabricated cabinet and paint and a countertop to go on it (butcher block). We assembled it and made it into our own little buffet to put the hutch on. I really like it too! It is painted a green called cactus green. Kind of resembles a lime cactus color though. :) If I ever find a place to post pictures I'll make sure and get one up so you can see it!

Today was boring at work. We are still really slow with Spring Break. I was done working at 4pm and then had to dodge my supervisor so I wouldn't get sent home. I'm now waiting for my dh. He should be here any minute and I wish he would hurry up! I am starving! I've debated walking across the street to Fazoli's to get something to eat but procrastinated because I don't have my phone with me or the coupons I found for Fazoli's. I'm thinking that some time this week I'm going to get a good book and go over there and have ahuge plate of spaghetti, read, and mooch off of the free breadsticks! :) Maybe he is on his way now... I'll go check.

Sunday, March 30, 2003

I'm such a follower!

Unconscious Mutterings

Smell :: Food!
Caramel :: Sundae
Parallel :: Park
Miami :: Beach
Sleep :: Walk
Double :: Dutch
Kiss :: French
History :: War
Vodka :: Daquiri
Click :: Your Mouse