Wednesday, June 30, 2004

That would be Erichs finger you see in the side of the picture. I'm too lazy to crop it out. :) Posted by Hello

The Ups and Downs

I'm feeling a bit better. Not 100% okay, but bearable. Part of it all may be hormones, as Mother Nature (that bitch) decided to come back after about 15 months (ya know, 10 months gestating, 5 months breastfeeding). I'm still exclusively breastfeeding, but am one of the lucky few who find themselves fertile again. Guess my body thinks it's time for another one! :) Maybe I should talk with Erich...

Let me say that you, my few readers, and every single person on my blogroll ROCK my world. I consider you all friends and care about each and every one of you. If I had a secret stash of never ending cash, I would be touring the country right now to meet each and every one of you. I hope Magdalena will someday find a network of friends like I have. To name just a two (not excluding any of you), but Jennifer dropped me a line saying she sent me a birthday gift. She is the coolest most thoughtful person I have never met. If all people were 10% of the person she is, we'd be very lucky. And Rachel. I have the privilege of having short conversations here and there on the phone or online with her. She is a super cool Mom and person, and I always walk away from the conversation feeling like I was talking to the coolest kid in school. It's a great feeling.

Have I mentioned that I miss reading AndreaQ?

That's all for now. I went to a friends house today and she helped make me a sling to take in the pool. (It's a beautiful sling, but not quite as special as my Maya so I needed one to "ruin") We also made some diapers for her son, and I took pride in feeling like the crunchy mama I am. I look at Magdalena and feel like I am doing *something* right and that's a super good feeling. I don't feel that way often, and I hope others feel the same way too. I'm going swimming with Alicia tomorrow. Yay. Water. I love water. Magdalena loves the bathtub. Here's hoping she likes the pool too.

Tuesday, June 29, 2004


On Friday, Magdalena figured out how to roll her way across the living room floor. It takes her a while to get there, but with determination, she gets there. And for the love of Pete, I feel the teeth, pop through already, those teeth are driving me batty.

Here there and everywhere

I'm around. I know I've been quiet. Some things are brewing around in my brain and I don't know how to pour them out on paper to be quite honest (or the web.) My birthday is coming up. I'm feeling a bit slighted. Mainly because everyone in RL seems to be overlooking my birthday. I realize that your birthday isn't as much excitement as when you turn five, but I'm feeling neglected. These feelings may be totally in my head and not a reality, but this is how I feel. I feel like I am taken for granted, that nobody really cares. Everyone expects me to something or be something or give something, without ever being acknowledged or thanked. I'm made to feel that I do nothing all day long, that my house is a wreck, that I'm not doing a good job when "all I do is stay home." I would like to point out that Magdalena is growing and happy and loving towards others and always giving us something new. I would like to think that I am a major part of that. Nobody else sees it that way though. She was born to be "sweet and easy to get along with" or "sweet wholesome and virtuous" (Alicia does this sound familiar?) and I have *nothing* to do with those qualities since I do not possess these qualities in others eyes. I would like to think that if it were not for my loving care, my always being here, my "staying home and doing nothing", my giving, giving, giving, to Magdalena then she wouldn't be like this. I think she would be screaming constantly and always in a bad mood. But then again I am wrong. I am never right. This bothers me a lot. I don't know how to make people stop, and when I do I'm just being "stupid, overly sensitive, and wanting the spotlight." Which is not the case at all I tell you. I just want people to stop making me feel this way. It doesn't feel good. And I don't know how to tell them that.