Wednesday, November 05, 2003

Big Fat Jerks

Why is it that I am not allowed to say I am uncomfortable or that I hurt? I have a bruise on my belly that hurts worse than any other bruise I've ever had in my entire time on this Earth. I think it hurts so bad because my uterus is now pushing on it from the inside and my waistband pushes on it from the outside and my muscles just get so tired by the end of the day. Someone asks me, "so how are you feeling?" And I say, "honestly I'm not feeling great. this bruise on my belly hurts and my hips hurt something awful." This person responds with, " Well, didn't you want to get pregnant? Didn't you actually physically seek getting pregnant?" I respond, " yes I did." She answers, "then you shouldn't complain."

WTF? Why is it that every other pregnant woman on this planet is allowed to "complain" but because I struggled to get pregnant and took a little clomid I'm supposed to be some damn friggin' saint who doesn't mouth a complaint. I am SO happy to be pregnant and I LOVE every minute of this somewhat hellish pregnancy I've had. ( We do remember that unlike the average pregnant woman I lost 22 pounds, puked every day multiple times for over 12 weeks, battled a stomach flu and kidney stones, and was admitted to the hospital for dehydration, right? OH and lets not forget being hit by a 300lb motorized cart directly in the belly.) SO yeah, I love being pregnant, I tried to get pregnant but it's taking its toll. The average pregnant woman isn't spending 8+ hours on her feet constantly pushing, pulling, and lifting fat asses off of surgery tables (sorry I really am a compassionate person. ) :(

I am at the point where I feel like I've been pregnant forever and I feel like I have forever left. OH and at what point do I go from being pregnant to "that pregnant." To the MALE anesthisiologist who made me run for a lightwand, "SCREW YOU JERK!" The story behind that is: we put this patient on the table and he put him to sleep then decides he wants a light wand ( an instrument that is a long thin stick of sorts with a light on the end of it. They use it during difficult intubations to shine a light directly in the throat then thread the tube in the throat.) So anyways, he realizes he has no lightwand in the room (gee, think you should have thought ahead?) then looks at me and says "run and get me a lightwand from the anes. work room. And I do mean run because he is out completely." Okay so me and my belly and almost 3lb baby go running down to the work room (on the other side of surgery) then run back with the lightwand and obviously when I get back I'm huffing and puffing (did I mention there are feet or arms in my ribs?) and joke with the nurse saying something like, " I don't think pregnant women are meant to run like that. heh." He responds, " well you are not THAT pregnant." Excuse me? Let me have you run your ass off all day long after not sleeping the night before. I'll pump you full of hormones then shove a 3lb baby up you with placenta and amniotic fluid etc etc etc and see how well you run and how you like it. Ugh.

I don't like being like this. And the hostility makes me even more hostile if that makes sense. I just want compassion from other people. I'm gosh darn tired, why won't anyone acknowledge that? I know of people who aren't working who are pregnant and say they are tired and people go, "oh I'm sorry you must be." But if I say I'm tired (after having worked a shift) they respond with something like, " well you wanted this." or " you made your bed, now lie in it." Jerks. I'm sick of it.

Oh and thanks for all of you who said you read. I'll try and be comical and bright and funny and witty. Operative word= try since I don't think I achieve that now. Heh. I'll be happier tomorrow. I'm spending an entire day with my Prince Charming. He is going with me to the hospital to do the GTT and then we are going to see the Matrix Revolutions. (we opted to not do it tonight and see a cheaper matinee tomorrow.) I'm also going to clean and relax. I need it.

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