Monday, February 14, 2005

The Big Secret

I'm on clomid. Day 2 of clomid, Day 6 of my cycle. I had my cycle induced a few weeks ago. I took provera for 5 days and then 3 days afterward I started to bleed. I really worried for a while there that I wouldn't bleed. Clomid was prescribed for days 5-9. I started it yesterday. Today I'm feeling a bit hot flashy. I just found out that a friend is pregnant. She cycled once completely and on the second she got pregnant. I'm not sure if it's the drugs or if I would react this way normally, but I'm angry, hurt, sad, and scared. I realy don't understand why it can be so easy for some people and not so easy for others. The stupid part of me thought that all the hurt and suffering of losing a father so young was enough. I thought maybe I had paid my dues. But it wasn't easy to get pregnant with Magdalena. And the another stupid part of me thought that maybe when I tried to get pregnant again, it would be easy. Obviously I'm pretty dumb. It took one round of clomid to get pregnant with Magdalena, so hopefully I'll be pregnant next week. So could ya'll send me some heavy duty baby dust?

And if you're keeping track it's:

Infertility 2
Suzanne 1

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