Saturday, September 06, 2003


I said I would post yesterday and I didn't. Sorry! I ended up being pretty busy, though I have no clue what I did. I'm to tired to post now. Been out at the festival. Baby seemed to like the marching bands of the parade again. When they went by baby would start kicking and flipping, it was kinda cool. I'm anxious for Monday, and I just want to see my babys face. I'd like to see what's in between the legs too, heh, but I can live with not knowing. :) Isn't anyone else a teeny bit excited to know what's in there? My MIL is. My mom is like me, just wants a healthy baby, and E is the same way. My aunt and Nana gave me props today for saying I was very adament on breastfeeding and decided to clothe diaper. That made me happy. Though my other aunt said, "cloth diaper? well, i'll say $5 you give that up within a month." Which with the mood I've been in lately, I say SCREW YOU! I actually didn't say that. I said something like, "Well Erich, remember that we need to collect our $5 in March." She generally pisses me off. Like yesterday when we got to Nanas and I was pooped from walking all over town with E and I said, "Dang I'm exhausted, too much exercise for me today!" And she came back with a snide remark, "Well, when I was pregnant I worked out at the gym until I was 7 1/2 months." I wanted to say " I DON"T FREAKING CARE!" I didn't, I was a good girl. I said, " well, I didn't work out before, so I guess I shouldn't start now." She said you don't want to gain to much weight. To date folks I've lost 22lbs and gained back 3lbs. I think I'm okay. Back off! My nerves are wearing thin lately and she wasn't helping. She ticked E off pretty bad too. Erich made the comment earlier that 20 years ago EVERYONE cloth diapered. It was unheard of to use disposable. Why must people comment on my choices? I don't care if you don't agree with it, and I understand, five years ago I would have thought it was pretty out there. But we must remember that I worked in nursing homes, changed old peoples diapers (and yes the Veterans home uses clothe) and had to take them and spray them out which was truly the most disgusting thing ever. I can handle baby poop and I can handle spending less money, and YOU aren't going to be doing MY laundry. Feh. I need to go to bed I'm just working myself up again. But I will say...

That I've made choices that I don't voice to a lot of people. Like extended breastfeeding, using a co-sleeper, and clothe diaper. I don't vocalize to others about their choices. I realize that the mainstream was made to believe that formula is best and disposables are common. I may say, well breast is best, but I'm to passive to go stomping in and saying this is wrong. NOT that I think people who say that sort of stuff are bad, kudos to be able to voice your opinion. I'm just to passive too. I keep to myself. I think as long as I do what I think is best for my child, then I can say I gave it my all, right? So why do others try to impend and make me feel bad for saying that I'm going to clothe diaper or assuming that I won't be able to do it? I just don't understand why people insist (I'm talking about "real life" people) on thinking my ways are wrong, and that only they can teach me the "right" way. I've got to stop. This is making me cry. I just hear the phrase in my head, "why can't we all just get along?" But I understand that it takes passive people like me and aggressive people to make the world work correctly. But lecturing and yelling and frowning tend to make us passive people feel like complete cow crap. That's all. I hope you are all still reading and still my friend. Though I can only think of a couple of people that I read aggressively that would make me hurt if they turned away from me. I'm sure others have left my boring life long ago.

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