Saturday, December 31, 2005

See You Next Year...

Last post of the year. January marks three years of blogging for me. I feel like most of it has been baby centered, but my life in the past three years really has been baby centered.

This year has been such a trying time for me and yet, I've also had some of the greatest moments. I watched my baby learn to walk, start talking, enjoy her first mobile summer. She made friends, she developed her personality, she danced and sang and I was here to witness every single one of those moments. I'm lucky.

And in between all of the laughter and dancing, I grew as a mother. I realized how much I wanted more family. I struggled with infertility. I cryed, I screamed, I sat with despair in my eyes and wondered "why me?"

I spent the last half of my year driving forty minutes each way to the doctors office. I did this every other day for two weeks of each month. I was prodded, poked. I had ounces and ounces of precious blood drawn. I poked myself with needles, sometimes three times a day. I had vaginal ultrasounds. I prayed. With every passing day I looked forward to phone calls from nurses telling me my numbers. I learned about my body's faults.

But I also learned how my body can nurture and that sometimes it can do things right. That even though it was hard to get pregnant, my body embraces pregnancy. It nurtures this baby. Yes, my body suffers through hyperemesis with my pregnancies, but that's just a small price to pay. It's all a small price, the pokes, the blood, the tears, it was all worth it for that baby who measures a tiny 4.5 inches and weighs only 2 ounces.

This past week or so I've marveled at how my body still takes care of my toddler and this unborn baby. I've cried when I sat down to nurse my toddler, not from pain, but from the realization that at that moment my body is nurturing my toddler and my unborn baby. They both sit in my lap, listening to my heart, and feeling my love surround them. And that is so unbelieveably awesome and such a giant thing to grasp in my tiny little mind.

It's been a great year. And I know that next year will be just as wonderful. It will have just as many hard times I'm sure. And I'm positive I'll complain. But I'll also welcome our second baby into our lives. I'll watch my baby girl become a big sister. I'll watch her turn two. I'll enjoy another summer with both my babies. Another anniversary with my Prince Charming will come. And it will be wonderful.

Happy New Year, may yours be filled with love, happiness, and all around good times.

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