Go check out these ads for breastfeeding. Some are pretty funny! :)
BABIES ARE BORN TO BE BREASTFED! WOOT! :)
Thursday, August 05, 2004
Wednesday, August 04, 2004
Everybody Poops
As we were drying off after swim lessons today, some teenage girls swarmed around Magdalena (who was sitting in the stroller since I had to get in the pool.) Magdalena loves this since she loves "young" people and she loves attention. She is a diva, remember!? Here is the conversation that followed.
Girls: Oh she's so cute, even though I don't like babies. They poop to much.
Me: Well, she's a breastfed baby, so her poop doesn't stink. It makes it better.
Girls: REALLY? I'm breastfeeding ALL of my babies so their poop won't stink.
**grin** It warmed my heart. Now hopefully they'll remember that 10 years from now when they have babies.
Girls: Oh she's so cute, even though I don't like babies. They poop to much.
Me: Well, she's a breastfed baby, so her poop doesn't stink. It makes it better.
Girls: REALLY? I'm breastfeeding ALL of my babies so their poop won't stink.
**grin** It warmed my heart. Now hopefully they'll remember that 10 years from now when they have babies.
Tuesday, August 03, 2004
Dreamland
I had a dream last night that as I was walking through a restaurant with Erich, we bumped in to Dani and Dawn. They were with their husbands and Erich stopped to talk to the men, because apparently he knew them. I said hello to the ladies and Dani looked at me as if I were an alien. I said, "I know we've never met in person, but I'm Suzanne from 'happily ever after'" She gave me this half smile like "thats great, but I don't really care." Erich finished his conversation and we moved on. I felt a bit stung. Then I woke up to nurse a baby.
Is this dream weird? Why on Earth did I dream this? The randomness of my dreams lately is really bugging me. I'm wondering if the entire universe is a bit mixed up in some way that my subconscious is responding to. Has anyone else had really weird dreams lately?
Is this dream weird? Why on Earth did I dream this? The randomness of my dreams lately is really bugging me. I'm wondering if the entire universe is a bit mixed up in some way that my subconscious is responding to. Has anyone else had really weird dreams lately?
Friday, July 30, 2004
Is It Enough?
No matter how much I do in a day, I never seem to feel like I've done enough. I get the feeling that Erich feels the same way, but never says anything. I like to tell myself that it is all in my head, but it isn't helping.
And I'm tired. I'm more tired now then when I was pregnant. T is really really really wearing me out. Every task is a battle whether it's a meal, putting socks on, or going to the bathroom. She makes me want to stick my head in a pillow and scream. And even if you tell her not to do something, she does it anyways. I'll ask her, " why did you just do x when I told you not to?" Her response, "because I wanted to." AHHHH!
I start my new job next week. Erich is bugging me about going to Missouri to visit family. I don't think we have the cash to do it, nor do I feel like I have the energy to do it. He wants to ride with his brother and SIL. They don't have children. SIL doesn't seem to appreciate having children around. They want to go on Labor Day weekend and I'm not sure how they could deal with a 7 1/2 month old for 6-8 hours each way in a car. There is only so much car time she can handle. And they'd have to stop more than usual because they wouldn't be cool with me bf'ing in the car (and I don't think I'd be comfortable with them too) and she does eat an awful lot. I've postponed starting solids until 7 months and I'll re-evaluate then. So she eats a fair amount during the day. Do they realize what this entails?
Life can be so darn tiring.
And I'm tired. I'm more tired now then when I was pregnant. T is really really really wearing me out. Every task is a battle whether it's a meal, putting socks on, or going to the bathroom. She makes me want to stick my head in a pillow and scream. And even if you tell her not to do something, she does it anyways. I'll ask her, " why did you just do x when I told you not to?" Her response, "because I wanted to." AHHHH!
I start my new job next week. Erich is bugging me about going to Missouri to visit family. I don't think we have the cash to do it, nor do I feel like I have the energy to do it. He wants to ride with his brother and SIL. They don't have children. SIL doesn't seem to appreciate having children around. They want to go on Labor Day weekend and I'm not sure how they could deal with a 7 1/2 month old for 6-8 hours each way in a car. There is only so much car time she can handle. And they'd have to stop more than usual because they wouldn't be cool with me bf'ing in the car (and I don't think I'd be comfortable with them too) and she does eat an awful lot. I've postponed starting solids until 7 months and I'll re-evaluate then. So she eats a fair amount during the day. Do they realize what this entails?
Life can be so darn tiring.
Tuesday, July 27, 2004
Army Moves
While writing that entry, Magdalena army crawled backwards across the room. Have I mentioned that I'm tired?
Filling In The Blanks
I'm exhausted. This weekend was pretty good. Magdalena and I went up to see Grammy (my mom) and Grampy with Nana and Pa and enjoyed a steak dinner out. Yum. Erich went to his brothers house to help him do a landscaping job. Instead of coming back with cash, he came back with gravel. Nice gravel though that I think he'll be incorporating into the ongoing driveway project.
Saturday evening we joined our friends at the driven. We watched "the Bourne Supremacy" and " Spiderman 2." Fun fun, though very very late. We got home around 2am. Luckily I had given the diva a bath prior to leaving. She had also had some motrin because I assumed her teeth were bothering her (and she was running a fever of about a 100 or so). I hate giving her something when I don't really know what is bothering her, but I tried nursing, patting, bouncing, swinging (outside which she loves) and nothing helped. She even cried a bit in the bathtub which is so not like her. She slept from about 8 till midnight then woke to nurse.
Sunday I went to get groceries. I stopped in at Bed Bath and Beyond and bought a stockpot! yay! I've wanted a stockpot for a while. It's a small one, 8 quarts, but with the mail in rebate and coupon I had, it only cost me $5. It's big enough though that I'm having a hard time finding a proper home in the kitchen for it. I also made a trip to the evil store and Sams Club for some laundry stuff. Magdalena and I were both exhausted from the numerous in and out of the car routines we had to perform. We came home and chilled and watched the end of a movie with Erich. A bit later, Erich and I took the exersaucer out onto the porch and he weed eated the yard while I mowed (we were both watching M). We then took a gigantic walk on a perfect evening. The temperatures have cooled off considerably and haven't really gone above 70 since Saturday. So it was actually cold on our walk. It was very odd.
As of Monday, T is back with us fulltime. Well, 200 plus hours a month. It's exhausting. She threw a huge fit in the middle of the library (complete with screaming) and screamed even more when I dragged her out of the library and ended our visit early. I can not stand a 4 year old child screaming in the middle of a library. We had a long talk about how you listen when adults ask you to do things and that it isn't appropriate to throw tantrums. We also talked about how four year old girls getting ready to go to preschool in a few weeks shouldn't throw tantrums and that is unacceptable behaviour at school. We were supposed to go to swimming lessons after that (they were cancelled because it wasn't 70 degrees outside) and that during swim lessons I didn't want to even see her hesitate when she was asked to do something. She was perfectly behaved the rest of the day and even asked for seconds at lunch and asked me what kind of macaroni and cheese she was eating because it was deelicious. She cracks me up.
I also baked some bread over the weekend, cut a cantaloupe, and made PB cookies. I really really need to make some tortillas. I finished up all the corn tortillas I made last time by making tortilla chips. I should make the flour tortillas tonight so we can have cheese quesadillas tomorrow for lunch.
Yesterday I cleaned the LR from top to bottom and dusted lots of stuff that miss the usual go round. I even climbed on a chair and dusted my fan! I ran the vacuum, and I swear that there is enough hair in it to make another dog. I'm seriously going to shave Gracy bald. It will grow back, I promise. She looks like an over loved teddy bear. She really isn't into people lately. As Erich said, she acts as if she is bitter and hates the world.
As if I'm not doing enough around my house and watching T, I have a new part time job starting next week. I'll be doing some adult sitting (with Magdalena and T) about 3 times a week from 7am to noon. It's going to add about 45 to 50 hours a month to my work schedule and about 400 plus dollars to our income. We really need this, but I can't figure out how I'm working about 100 hours more a month than when I had an actual job and making half the money. It's depressing. Alicia said I need to get super organized which is the polite way of saying that I need to get my act together. I'm really going to have to focus and not lose track of my time or my house is going to slip more than I feel like it already is. I thought I was supposed to be a SAHM?
And here is my other dilemma. I quit my job to stay home with Magdalena. I'm worried that all this other activity is taking away from her. So I need to be super focused on her and make sure she gets 150% of the attention that I wanted her to have so I don't feel like I'm working myself to death and not giving her what she needs.
So beginning next week I'll be taking care of 5 other people on an almost daily basis. I'll be working 250 hours or so "outside" my home and have to keep my home together and keep my sanity. I'm thinking blogging may be a bit crazy while I get into the swing of things.
Saturday evening we joined our friends at the driven. We watched "the Bourne Supremacy" and " Spiderman 2." Fun fun, though very very late. We got home around 2am. Luckily I had given the diva a bath prior to leaving. She had also had some motrin because I assumed her teeth were bothering her (and she was running a fever of about a 100 or so). I hate giving her something when I don't really know what is bothering her, but I tried nursing, patting, bouncing, swinging (outside which she loves) and nothing helped. She even cried a bit in the bathtub which is so not like her. She slept from about 8 till midnight then woke to nurse.
Sunday I went to get groceries. I stopped in at Bed Bath and Beyond and bought a stockpot! yay! I've wanted a stockpot for a while. It's a small one, 8 quarts, but with the mail in rebate and coupon I had, it only cost me $5. It's big enough though that I'm having a hard time finding a proper home in the kitchen for it. I also made a trip to the evil store and Sams Club for some laundry stuff. Magdalena and I were both exhausted from the numerous in and out of the car routines we had to perform. We came home and chilled and watched the end of a movie with Erich. A bit later, Erich and I took the exersaucer out onto the porch and he weed eated the yard while I mowed (we were both watching M). We then took a gigantic walk on a perfect evening. The temperatures have cooled off considerably and haven't really gone above 70 since Saturday. So it was actually cold on our walk. It was very odd.
As of Monday, T is back with us fulltime. Well, 200 plus hours a month. It's exhausting. She threw a huge fit in the middle of the library (complete with screaming) and screamed even more when I dragged her out of the library and ended our visit early. I can not stand a 4 year old child screaming in the middle of a library. We had a long talk about how you listen when adults ask you to do things and that it isn't appropriate to throw tantrums. We also talked about how four year old girls getting ready to go to preschool in a few weeks shouldn't throw tantrums and that is unacceptable behaviour at school. We were supposed to go to swimming lessons after that (they were cancelled because it wasn't 70 degrees outside) and that during swim lessons I didn't want to even see her hesitate when she was asked to do something. She was perfectly behaved the rest of the day and even asked for seconds at lunch and asked me what kind of macaroni and cheese she was eating because it was deelicious. She cracks me up.
I also baked some bread over the weekend, cut a cantaloupe, and made PB cookies. I really really need to make some tortillas. I finished up all the corn tortillas I made last time by making tortilla chips. I should make the flour tortillas tonight so we can have cheese quesadillas tomorrow for lunch.
Yesterday I cleaned the LR from top to bottom and dusted lots of stuff that miss the usual go round. I even climbed on a chair and dusted my fan! I ran the vacuum, and I swear that there is enough hair in it to make another dog. I'm seriously going to shave Gracy bald. It will grow back, I promise. She looks like an over loved teddy bear. She really isn't into people lately. As Erich said, she acts as if she is bitter and hates the world.
As if I'm not doing enough around my house and watching T, I have a new part time job starting next week. I'll be doing some adult sitting (with Magdalena and T) about 3 times a week from 7am to noon. It's going to add about 45 to 50 hours a month to my work schedule and about 400 plus dollars to our income. We really need this, but I can't figure out how I'm working about 100 hours more a month than when I had an actual job and making half the money. It's depressing. Alicia said I need to get super organized which is the polite way of saying that I need to get my act together. I'm really going to have to focus and not lose track of my time or my house is going to slip more than I feel like it already is. I thought I was supposed to be a SAHM?
And here is my other dilemma. I quit my job to stay home with Magdalena. I'm worried that all this other activity is taking away from her. So I need to be super focused on her and make sure she gets 150% of the attention that I wanted her to have so I don't feel like I'm working myself to death and not giving her what she needs.
So beginning next week I'll be taking care of 5 other people on an almost daily basis. I'll be working 250 hours or so "outside" my home and have to keep my home together and keep my sanity. I'm thinking blogging may be a bit crazy while I get into the swing of things.
Tooth Fairy
You know how I've been telling you that Magdalena has some teeth and haven't really given you proof? Well, it's been really hard to get her to let us stick a camera in her mouth, but I present for your viewing pleasure, a picture of her teeth.
Friday, July 23, 2004
Not a creature was stirring...
not even a mouse.
Naptime. Never has such a word seemed so glorious to me. Naptime. T and Magdalena are asleep. Amen! We went to the grocery store this morning, dropped the groceries off at the house for Erich to put away, went to Nanas, then to eat lunch, then to the park, back to Nanas. Then we took Nana with us to the library for a special presentation (Bobby T Bookworms Magical Library Adventure) then went to Nanas and helped her clean up for her company. Now we are back home and everyone is asleep. I'd like to join them, but diapers need to be washed along with a few dishes and I need to make pizza dough for dinner. I also need to make some bread, corn tortillas, tortilla chips, and flour tortillas. Oy.
Naptime. Never has such a word seemed so glorious to me. Naptime. T and Magdalena are asleep. Amen! We went to the grocery store this morning, dropped the groceries off at the house for Erich to put away, went to Nanas, then to eat lunch, then to the park, back to Nanas. Then we took Nana with us to the library for a special presentation (Bobby T Bookworms Magical Library Adventure) then went to Nanas and helped her clean up for her company. Now we are back home and everyone is asleep. I'd like to join them, but diapers need to be washed along with a few dishes and I need to make pizza dough for dinner. I also need to make some bread, corn tortillas, tortilla chips, and flour tortillas. Oy.
Thursday, July 22, 2004
Hot and Moldy
It's been terribly hot around here. And a storm ripped through last night that really actually scared me. I was at Alicia's house at the time and her husband gets "excited" about storms since the tornados that went through there a few weeks back. Her power went out 3 or 4 times in a matter of 10 minutes or so, so it was a bit scary. Another storm is about to rip through here any minute.
We have the window air conditioners running, but it seems like they are constantly trying to keep up. I'm sure I'll have mild heart attack when the electric bill comes. And the bread I made at the end of last week went moldy early because of the humidity. Oh well, I need to make corn tortilla chips for the salsa still left in the fridge, flour tortillas, and corn tortillas (since I'll use up the reserve making chips!), so I'll just add bread to the list. I found a recipe for dog biscuits (I know you are laughing at me now!) and I'd like to try that and see how that goes over with Ella and Gracy. It would be really nice to make them considering buying them is so expensive.
Okay, I'm going to turn off the computer since the storm is almost here. I'm going to try and get to Nana's while it's still dry with Magdalena. I find I prefer these storms with others because of Magdalena. :) Adios!
We have the window air conditioners running, but it seems like they are constantly trying to keep up. I'm sure I'll have mild heart attack when the electric bill comes. And the bread I made at the end of last week went moldy early because of the humidity. Oh well, I need to make corn tortilla chips for the salsa still left in the fridge, flour tortillas, and corn tortillas (since I'll use up the reserve making chips!), so I'll just add bread to the list. I found a recipe for dog biscuits (I know you are laughing at me now!) and I'd like to try that and see how that goes over with Ella and Gracy. It would be really nice to make them considering buying them is so expensive.
Okay, I'm going to turn off the computer since the storm is almost here. I'm going to try and get to Nana's while it's still dry with Magdalena. I find I prefer these storms with others because of Magdalena. :) Adios!
My How They Grow...
Magdalena is moving. Inch by inch, slowly, scooting across the Living Room floor. I noticed this yesterday at Alicia's house. I set a toy out of her reach and about five minutes later she got to it. Yes, she moves slowly, but the point is that she's moving. And she rolls completely over all the way across the living room floor, until she bumps into something. At which point she whines for me to move that something (or her) or she starts in the other way. And she sits unassisted, did I tell you that? She has been for a few weeks now. Oh, and this morning while at Nana's Erich and I watched as she got up on all fours and started rocking back and forth. I have no doubt that once she gets going, it will only be a short time before she's up on two legs.
She hasn't had any solid food yet. I think that people are just plain sick of asking and me telling them no, cause they seemed to have stopped asking. heh. :)
She hasn't had any solid food yet. I think that people are just plain sick of asking and me telling them no, cause they seemed to have stopped asking. heh. :)
Tuesday, July 20, 2004
Who took my baby?
This morning I reached in Magdalena's mouth, it's become a morning ritual. Her other bottom tooth poked through. :( Two bottom teeth. I didn't cry this time, but it's still bittersweet. She isn't a tiny baby anymore. She's growing up way to fast!
PS no crying, no screaming, nothing. Just a new tooth and a big grin. How did I get so lucky?
PS no crying, no screaming, nothing. Just a new tooth and a big grin. How did I get so lucky?
Monday, July 19, 2004
Sunday, July 18, 2004
What weekend?
I'm tired. I'm currently the only one awake right now because I'm stripping diapers. You see, we've been battling a diaper rash for.ever. I couldn't figure out what the hell it was and I tried everything including standing on my head while changing her diapers. It was driving me mad. I took her to the doctor at the end of June (actually we saw the NP who I don't care for) and she gave me Nystatin cream, which didn't work. I bought OTC clotrimazole and it worked better than the Nystatin, but didn't make it go away completely. Anyways, she had her 6month checkup this week and he gave me a Nystatin cream with some other miracle drug mixed in and it cleared up completely in 12 hours. Praise God. Anyways, I threw a scoop of Oxyclean in one of the loads of diapers, on accident mind you, and now Magdalena has a flaming rash in her crack. (sorry for the description!) It's not the same spots as the other places mind you , a completely new place. And the only thing I can think of is that damn Oxyclean reacted with her pee or poo. The girl poops more now then she ever did as a newborn which makes me feel good that her body is flourishing, but, well you know the other side. My mom laughed in my face because I asked her if everyones poop holes were red! I mean, if you poop a lot wouldn't it get irritated? I should shut up. Anyways, so I think it may be the oxyclean. This would be a easily fixed problem since it was only one load, but I've been lazy about bringing up the diapers everyday from the washer, so I threw them all in one big hamper to be brought upstairs, so their all mixed and I don't know which ones had oxyclean. So they're all going through again. Feh.
My in laws came over today. It was nice that FIL could help Erich in the yard. (Erich is currently working on a driveway project.) I believe that MIL secretly despises me because Magdalena screams if left alone with her. heh. Of course, they arrived exactly in the middle of Magdalenas naptime. Then they look at me as if I put her to sleep on purpose because they were coming. Um, no, she sets a schedule for herself and I merely follow it while in the home. I believe that children need to learn to be flexible, and Magdalena does really well when "off schedule" (she really doesn't have a strict schedule) while out, but at home, I think she deserves the right to have naptime when she wants. Is it my fault they have such awful timing?
Anyways, MIL brought stuff to make dinner. Corn from the farmers market and pork cutlets to be fried. I don't care for pork much, unless it's a butterfly chop. I love those, so tender and juicy. This pork was dry and tough. Anyways, I hate when other people cook in my kitchen. Aside from the 25 million questions they have to ask me about where everything is, I'm picky about the way my pans are treated and the way things are done. The only people that I ever feel comfy with is my mother and Alicia. Don't ask me why, they don't bother me really. Anyways, the sink is full of dishes and the kitchen smells like burnt flour. Another feh. I did tell her not to do the dishes though. I hate not being able to find things after people guess where they go and I'm picky and I couldn't help her because Magdalena wasn't cooperating with that plan. She had another plan. :) So I told her to leave them. Now my sink is full of dishes, as it has been off and on all week. It seems as soon as I finish washing dishes, within an hour it's full again. **sigh**
I did steam clean the batheroom carpet upstairs. Yippee! :) (aren't you proud of me Alicia?) I've only been saying I need to do it for about 2 weeks. I'm on the last half of the diapers and I'm about to fall over from exhaustion. The first load that came out stripped felt nice and soft so I'm a bit excited about the whole ordeal. (not the rash, just the softness)
Maybe it's in the air, but I haven't been sleeping well lately. I'm having crazy crazy dreams. Magdalena is nursing a lot at night but I don't think it's because of her. I don't think I'm cycling through sleep the way I'm supposed to. I have so much on my mind, yet nothing at all. Is that odd?
I've been dreaming about Magdalena crawling, probably because it is in the very near future. She's been demanding a ton of my time because she is so stinking frustrated that she isn't moving. She can roll her way from one end of the living room to the other. She'll get on her belly then move her knees up under her and start to move her arms then.... flop, she's back face to face with the floor and it pisses. her. off.
Her second tooth is bulging too. Her bottom left is through (her left) and it's very pretty (and small) except that she wants to chomp on our hands to get the other one through like she did the first, and that little damn tooth is sharp!
I really lucked out. I've seen fussy babys and babys with colic and babys that are just pissed off at the world and she is not one of them. She sleeps so well at night and is so happy and healthy. I sometimes sit and think to myself, how did I end up with such a great baby? I don't ever think of myself as doing anything right to end up so well off, ya know? I was told I was going to get paid back for my youth, where is the payback? Or is it that I just love her so incredibly much that her cries don't seem awful? They are more like little knives in my heart because I can't figure out what she needs fast enough. Or someone squeezing my heart when she cries during a diaper change when all she really wants is to curl up and nurse, though I know that she needs her diaper changed. I'm so damn lucky. And sometimes I don't realize it until I walk upstairs and see my husband asleep with his little girl curled up next to him. And I just want to sit on the bed and cry and thank whoever sent me this wonderful life.
My in laws came over today. It was nice that FIL could help Erich in the yard. (Erich is currently working on a driveway project.) I believe that MIL secretly despises me because Magdalena screams if left alone with her. heh. Of course, they arrived exactly in the middle of Magdalenas naptime. Then they look at me as if I put her to sleep on purpose because they were coming. Um, no, she sets a schedule for herself and I merely follow it while in the home. I believe that children need to learn to be flexible, and Magdalena does really well when "off schedule" (she really doesn't have a strict schedule) while out, but at home, I think she deserves the right to have naptime when she wants. Is it my fault they have such awful timing?
Anyways, MIL brought stuff to make dinner. Corn from the farmers market and pork cutlets to be fried. I don't care for pork much, unless it's a butterfly chop. I love those, so tender and juicy. This pork was dry and tough. Anyways, I hate when other people cook in my kitchen. Aside from the 25 million questions they have to ask me about where everything is, I'm picky about the way my pans are treated and the way things are done. The only people that I ever feel comfy with is my mother and Alicia. Don't ask me why, they don't bother me really. Anyways, the sink is full of dishes and the kitchen smells like burnt flour. Another feh. I did tell her not to do the dishes though. I hate not being able to find things after people guess where they go and I'm picky and I couldn't help her because Magdalena wasn't cooperating with that plan. She had another plan. :) So I told her to leave them. Now my sink is full of dishes, as it has been off and on all week. It seems as soon as I finish washing dishes, within an hour it's full again. **sigh**
I did steam clean the batheroom carpet upstairs. Yippee! :) (aren't you proud of me Alicia?) I've only been saying I need to do it for about 2 weeks. I'm on the last half of the diapers and I'm about to fall over from exhaustion. The first load that came out stripped felt nice and soft so I'm a bit excited about the whole ordeal. (not the rash, just the softness)
Maybe it's in the air, but I haven't been sleeping well lately. I'm having crazy crazy dreams. Magdalena is nursing a lot at night but I don't think it's because of her. I don't think I'm cycling through sleep the way I'm supposed to. I have so much on my mind, yet nothing at all. Is that odd?
I've been dreaming about Magdalena crawling, probably because it is in the very near future. She's been demanding a ton of my time because she is so stinking frustrated that she isn't moving. She can roll her way from one end of the living room to the other. She'll get on her belly then move her knees up under her and start to move her arms then.... flop, she's back face to face with the floor and it pisses. her. off.
Her second tooth is bulging too. Her bottom left is through (her left) and it's very pretty (and small) except that she wants to chomp on our hands to get the other one through like she did the first, and that little damn tooth is sharp!
I really lucked out. I've seen fussy babys and babys with colic and babys that are just pissed off at the world and she is not one of them. She sleeps so well at night and is so happy and healthy. I sometimes sit and think to myself, how did I end up with such a great baby? I don't ever think of myself as doing anything right to end up so well off, ya know? I was told I was going to get paid back for my youth, where is the payback? Or is it that I just love her so incredibly much that her cries don't seem awful? They are more like little knives in my heart because I can't figure out what she needs fast enough. Or someone squeezing my heart when she cries during a diaper change when all she really wants is to curl up and nurse, though I know that she needs her diaper changed. I'm so damn lucky. And sometimes I don't realize it until I walk upstairs and see my husband asleep with his little girl curled up next to him. And I just want to sit on the bed and cry and thank whoever sent me this wonderful life.
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