Goodbye Love

As some of you know, my dad gave me a dog before he died. I've had her since I was 8. She was my Christmas present. My parents got her at the humane society and we changed her name from Peaches to Gracy. At the ripe old age of 18, Gracy peacefully passed away yesterday morning. She was the most loving gentle and sweet little dog. She tolerated lots of kids poking and pushing and pulling without ever lashing out. She was the best dog ever and I don't I can't tell you how lucky we were to have her apart of our lives.

The past couple of days she had been acting weird and Erich and I both agreed that she was dying. She tried to get out of the fence area and Erich said she was probably going to find a place to die. Monday morning she was acting weird and it was warm outside (50ish) so I wrapped her in a towel and laid her out on the deck. She stayed there all day and I went out periodically to tell her how much I loved her and that it was okay to let go and I pet her little head. She was very peaceful there so I left her around midnight to head to bed, knowing that she wouldn't be there in the morning. I really don't think she was actually there, just her little frail body.

I checked on her first thing yesterday morning and she was indeed gone. Erich and I wrapped her up and I took her to my mom's property. My mom and I buried her along the treeline where she will lay in the sun half the day and shade the other half. She loved to do that. It felt very good to be able to say goodbye and bury her and have a place I know she will be safe as silly as that sounds. I imagine she was reunited with my dad and I know she is better off now.

http://flickr.com/photos/esfamily/58270070/

Mommy's Thankful For...

Panda Sneezes

Erich found this video and it makes me laugh every time I watch it.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=8922875251875301807&pr=goog-sl

She's Alive!

Super super busy around here. So a quick life in bulletin points:

• Magdalena is doing the Letter of the Week curriculum. She is beyond amazing and has really taught Erich and I how incredibly smart she actually is! ( We already knew she was smart in a this is my kid and she's smart kinda way, but this has surpassed our expectations.)
  
• Carmina started rolling from tummy to back at the end of September.
  
• Carmina has also started batting at toys and spending more amounts of time awake. She is a very smiley baby and has been laughing and giggling.
  
• Magdalena has become quite the social butterfly. She's enjoying hanging out with little people her age and grandparents and all of that good stuff. She then usually talks about her adventures for many days following.
• Erich has decided that he's ready for another baby. He's thinking blue now.
  
• We are getting ready to do our hugest house fixing ever. We are installing 26 windows, 2 doors, and are going to paint the house!
  
• I've been a knitting fool. My list grows and grows by the day of things I want to knit to.
• We've figured out what we are getting the girls for Christmas. It will be a very small Christmas this year due to all the house renovations, but they'll be warm this year. ;)
• I'll be buying those gifts probably this week so that I can avoid scrambling to find gifts in December like I did last year.
• I'm still posting pictures on Flickr. Go check it out or tell me your username so I can add you. And I post super secret not safe for public consumption stuff on my LJ. :)
  

To Do

I feel as if I'm drowning. So many things to do, but nothing seems to be getting done. Both girls are so time consuming, which isn't a bad thing at all, it's just, well, we're busy busy busy. Magdalena is sitting here at the table with me talking about how she played in the playroom. She talks to me all day long. Non stop. I love to hear her talk, but it's hard to hear my own internal dialogue that tells me what to do all day over her talking. She's eating a tuna sammich. She requested it. I ask her what she wants for lunch and she responds happily "TUMA!" I ask, "a tuna sandwich?" And she answers, "yes! A sammich!" heh.

Carmina is just as gorgeous and wonderful as her sister. She's trying to find some sort of balance between being awake and napping. She's making that transition where she doesn't just nurse and nap but needs some awake time. The problem is she just can't figure out how much of each she needs and it's been a bit difficult to get anything done. I'm sure it will work itself out.

My other "dilemma" with her is if I should push the pacifier on her or not. She needs constant sucking. Constant. And she doesn't always want *me*. Her sister took a pacifier at night and it was pretty easy to break her from the paci. I knew she didn't need it and she fussed to have it occasionally. I think her main thing as it was more habit than need so I just put them away. I told her that all the pacis were gone and she wasn't happy with that, but she didn't protest. And the pacifier was gone. So it was easy to get rid of. However, Carmina likes to suck her fist. Well, she's trying to suck her thumb but can't figure out a good way. So she'll just shove her fist in or her fingers. And I'm kinda cool with the idea of her sucking her thumb, as I'm pretty sure it was an inutero habit as well considering she's been doing it from the very first second. She'll take the pacifier but not well. And she's recently learned how to pull the paci out. When she does this, then she'll just suck on her fingers while holding the paci, and occasionally stops to give me a big grin. I worry that getting her to stop sucking her fingers years down the road will be harder than just taking a pacifier away. She'll have me obviously until she self weans. I worry about her teeth, you know? I'm sure she'll show me what she needs.

Speaking of weaning, Magdalena is still nursing strong. My new "milestone" is 3 years. When we hit that point, I'm not sure if I'll make another milestone. I had a hard time making a milestone after 2, but when I was pregnant and knew that she needed to nurse, I needed to make a milestone for myself to push through it.

She isn't potty trained yet either. There has been "encouragement" from my mother to "just do it" but honestly I don't have the time or energy to push it. I don't *want* to push it either. I don't want pt'ing to be this constant nagging on me, a reluctance for her, and end up being years of struggles. I'd like it to be her choice. I know that she has the capabilities of doing it cause when she runs around here nakey, she'll always go use the potty in the bathroom. I think she has a hard time distinguishing panties from diapers. And if I were buying diapers, it'd probably be more of a push for me to pt. But since I'm already washing diapers for her sister, what's a couple more? And here is my deep dark secret. As pro self weaning I am, I'd rather her potty train after she weans, because the thought of nursing someone who is potty trained is really hard to wrap my brain around. Of course, three years ago, nursing someone who was almost 3 years old was hard to wrap my brain around. So obviously, that deep dark secret could be for nothing in a few months time. Who knows.

I'm not sure how to end this rambling long post. So I'll end with a picture or two. These were taken on our venture out to go apple picking with Meemaw and Papa (Erich's parents).

For All The Cat Lovers

http://pagentsprogress.com/?p=281

3 Month Growth Spurts

I know I'm not doing well with the updating. Honestly, days pass by like hours around here. I'm not even getting stuff done that I *need* to be doing, like some knitting projects for both the girls and some stuff I wanted knitted for Manda since she was so kind to give me her PIS in trade. (I'm GOING to send that package out this week. I promise Manda! okay!? i promise!)

But this isn't going to be the greatest update. Carmina is going through her three month growth spurt. This girl is BIG. But she isn't chubby, she's LONG. My goodness. She almost comes up to Magdalena's shoulders when we stand them next to each other! Magdalena is my petite, lean toddler and Carmina is my tall, lean baby but they are both incredibly gorgeous. So gorgeous it makes me want to cry. And it makes Erich want to start digging the moat around the house because, dude, these girls are going to have boys lined up!

SO yeah, Carmina is growth spurting which means that she refused to unlatch for more than 5 seconds last night and she was fidgety and restless and she didn't want me to hold her but she didn't want to nurse at some points and she didn't want me to burp her but she wanted to sleep but she couldn't get into that place where sleep was nice and deep and lovely which means, that I did not sleep well. **yawn** And the toddler woke up FULL of energy! yay! I'm gonna take a LONG nap with Carmina and I'm going to convince Magdalena to lay down with some books and hope that she falls asleep after a few minutes and takes a long nap too.

Mommy Lessons

Whenever you stop and think "gee the baby hasn't pooped in a while", make sure that your laundry is caught up. Because if you think about the poop, the poop will come. And it won't all end up in the diaper. And you'll have to stop all of the laundry to push the swing cover to the front of the line so it doesn't stain. And you'll have to stop eating lunch to clean it up.

One would think I would have learned this lesson by now, huh?

Brrr!

It's 66* outside! It's practically jacket weather, or at least it feels that way. I was just thinking that last year at this time, Erich and I got up at the crack of dawn to evaluate our reproductive organs. I had that super painful HSG and Erich had the specimen collection that would have made the worlds funniest sitcom. The story was hilarious. Anyway, after that I was getting up at 5:30 just to make it to my daily ultrasounds and bloodwork. It's amazing that a year later I'm rolling over at 5:30am to nurse my 8 week old baby. It's awesome and amazing and wonderful. And I can't believe she's been here 8 weeks already. It's just going to fast. Luckily I've talked Erich into a definite third. ;) I'll wait until I'm pregnant again before I start asking for a fourth. Hahaha!

Nursing Babies, Nursing Toddlers

There is a lot of talk about the babytalk magazine lately. Erich heard them talking about it on the Bob and Tom Show (scroll down to see a comment and picture of of their take on the babytalk issue) where they talked about the benefits to both mother and baby while breastfeeding. I really enjoyed hearing about an all male radio show encouraging breastfeeding, and Erich has said that this isn't the first time breastfeeding has been referenced in this show.

I think my main problem with this scenario is not only the lack of breastfeeding in our society today, but the pettyness of it all and the fact that people can be so immature. Grow up people. It's a breast. I have two of them, in fact we all have them. I have a picture of Magdalena nursing somewhere, but I think I'd rather share one of Carmina. I don't have one of both of them nursing, though that's on my list of things to get before M weans (which I don't see coming anytime soon btw). I do want a picture so they can both have a copy so they can see how they loved on each other so early. Generally Carmina watches Magdalena and smiles at her while Magdalena strokes Carmina's hair. It's a beautiful time. We generally sit down together after bathtime and nurse. All three of us girls enjoying quiet peaceful time just loving each other. :)

Would you like the extended warranty?

YES! SAY YES! My laptop is broken, AGAIN! This time it was covered by the extended warranty and is in California. Power supply failure. You're probably saying "but Suzanne, doesn't your husband fix computers?" Yes yes he does, he just doesn't have time to fix *my* computer, thus we have the extended warranty. I say all this to complain and explain why my already infrequent updates get even more infrequent.

Life is SO busy around here. I've been busy knitting, keeping up with the house, a newborn, a toddler and it's so tiring! And to top it all off, we are heading into canning season. I canned 12 quarts of green beans last week. The tomatoes and pears are headed my way very very soon. My mom has been freezing corn too.

Did I mention that we kept Carmina's placenta? Well, we did. It's currently in a bucket frozen in my moms deep freeze surrounded by corn. heh. My mom is a little worried that my stepbrother is going to open it up. I think that's hilarious actually. I peaked in on it on Saturday and it was so cool. The part I could see was fetal side with that tiny cord. It's amazing that my body grew that and that fed a baby that lived INSIDE of me. It's just wild if you ask me.

Anyway, I'm typing this from our living room on our brand new computer. It's a desktop and it's the new family computer. (And dude, it's a dell. heh.) Anyway, this computer is the Media Center edition so it's like a brand new TIVO and I'm more than a little thrilled with this. I have it programmed to record something every single minute of the day, except for like four hours in the wee hours of morning when all that's on is paid programming. Erich laughed at me when I told him I actually went through the guide and found stuff to record at times that our favorite shows weren't on. I just told him that I'm trying to make sure that we really get our money out of buying cable each month. Heh.

I'm procrastinating right now though. Everyone is asleep. I need to bring the IPod over and update the songlists and such because tomorrow we are going to be in the car all morning. I have to run to the bank and do tedious tasks there. And I have to make a stop at half price books and drop off my paperwork at the mothers milk bank. I also need to make a return at Lowes and I'm hoping to go drool inside my local yarn store. So this means I need to get up early and get us out of here and back by the afternoon because the 2 year old turns into a pumpkin at noon. (well not a pumpkin but a pile of screaming toddler.)

Sisters

More pictures can be found on flickr...

One Month

I can't believe it's been a whole month. Carmina's been here a whole month. I have a hard time imagining a time without her and I come to realize that she's always been with me in some form. From a twinkle in my eye, the most intense desire to bring another child into the world, I realize I was fighting to bring her here. Not just any baby, *this* baby. I sometimes wonder if she was fighting just as hard.

I've watched her grow since last September. I watched little follicles grow and ripen. Then I cried when I saw that tiny sac with a tiny heartbeat. I've watched as she went from a fetal pole, to a little blob of baby, to this skeleton peaking at me through the u/s. We saw the chubby face in the last u/s sucking her fingers and grinning at me, but I never imagined she would be so beautiful. So perfect.

She looks just like Magdalena. And she looks just like Erich. And I see myself in her too. The color of her eyes right now look just like my Dads and they have that same twinkle. I realize that dream is ture. He *is* here. He's a part of her and me and Magdalena. Most of all, Carmina is herself. She's a combination of all the people that love her most. She has bits of personality that show themselves everyday. I pick her up and see Erich and feel a wave of love for all three of them. I'm truly blessed. Erich and I both realized just how blessed we are.

I love climbing into bed at night and Erich and I lay and marvel at her size. "She's so tiny! So Perfect!" I don't think we ever felt like this with Magdalena. Sure she was tiny and we think she's perfect to, but we were always anxious for what was ahead. "Just wait till she says Daddy!" or "I can't wait till she can walk!" With Carmina I find myself saying "you're growing to fast! stay small!" I'm definitely savoring each moment a little longer.

So I say all this to apologize for my lack of updates. I spend most days running around. Carmina is different from her sister and refuses to be set down for to long. So she snuggles in the sling and then Magdalena comes and takes up the rest of my lap, so there's no room to type and share. My lap is as full as my heart is at this point. So if you wonder what I'm doing, I'm singing Elmos World while holding that tiny perfect person to my breast. I'm marveling at how wonderful my daughters are and falling in love with my husband constantly over and over again for giving me such a wonderful life. He gave me these wonderful babies that I have the awesome privilege of knowing and loving.

I worked for an entire year to bring a baby into our lives. And she has done so much for me. She brightens my day. She fills a spot in my heart. She fits in. I know now I fought so hard because she is supposed to be here. I won't say that our family is complete, because I'm not sure that it is. But for now, our hearts are full and our days are filled with smiles and laughter. What more could a Mommy ask for?

Say Cheese!

This morning I had portraits taken of the family. These were real portraits to. I was really excited because they weren't going to be the usual Sears or JCPenny portraits, these were going to be done by a professional photographer in town. This is the guy who took pictures of our wedding. So excited, and I'm sure it's cool to see us walk down the aisle and then capture us as a new family of four.

So I get up this morning, shower, do my hair and start getting everyone dressed. Both girls had baths last night (Carmina had her first tub bath!) but Magdalena climbed in the shower with me this morning, so she was extra squeaky clean. I dressed them both in cute jean dresses and t shirts and Erich had his nice khaki shorts on. I even put on some prepregnancy pants!

We get to the studio and everyone acts like the camera is shooting arrows at them. I kid you not. Magdalena LOVES to have her picture taken, but not today. The camera man annoyed her then she KNOCKED DOWN A BACKDROP. To say I was mortified, would be the understatement of the year. Carmina screamed. I nursed her, she'd act as if she was going to doze off then SCREAM again. Heh. It was lovely. She did open her eyes a bit and Erich smiled pretty well and then I was able to convince Magdalena to say cheese and not stick her tongue out at the same time while the photographer lured her with candy. I think they'll be OK.

We had our picture taken outside as a family of four. I'm excited to see them. I'll go on Friday to look at them and pick stuff out and hand over my wallet. I'm also taking my mom with me so that she can um, bring her wallet too. ;)

So I'm exhausted now, and it isn't even noon.

10 Days

Today was Carmina's due date. We're all so glad to have had these last ten days getting to know her. We're all completely in love.

Pictures?

I have some posts swarming around in my head but haven't been able to sit down and "spit" them out. I want to talk about nursing a newborn again, sisterhood, the csection, and tandem nursing. All in good time though. So here are some pictures to hold you over, k?




Magdalena calms Carmina down.



Sugar and Spice ;)

Flickr!

More pictures posted at flickr. And that maxed out my account. Boo. I need an upgrade.

She's Here!

Carmina Gabriela made her debut at 8:16am Thursday June 15, 2006. She weighed 7 pounds 4 ounces, 19 inches long, and has lots of dark dark black hair. She has long fingers and toes and giant skinny feet. :) She looks just like Erich and Magdalena is in love.

She nurses well, but it takes her a few times to figure out what to do at the breast. More details to follow later...

oops! She only weighs 7#4oz, so not much bigger than 6#. ;)

End of the Road

Last belly pictures taken on Sunday (38 weeks). We'll probably take more in the morning. More photos uploaded on Flickr! :)

The Plague

I remember, I have a blog. OOps. Sorry about not updating. Don't worry. STILL pregnant.

Last week, we all got sick. Really really really sick. It started on Friday the 2nd, Erich came home not feeling well. By the middle of the night it was apparent that he had the stomach flu. Blech.

Monday, Magdalena woke up puking. Joy. We took her to the doctor to get some anti nausea meds and to get Erich a note for work because he wasn't feeling well.

On Tuesday (6.6.06), I started puking. And I kept puking and puking and puking. It became apparent around 7pm (after starting this sickness around noonish) that I needed some help. So off to the maternity ward I went. They ran in one liter of saline and some phenegran and..... I was still puking! Only me, seriously. So I was admitted to the labor room and given some other stuff. I was up and down all night to the bathroom (this virus was BRUTAL) and Magdalena and Erich went home to rest. Oh and I might mention that I was contracting every three minutes. Apparently, Bambina was thinking that she was jumping this ship. Heh. I went home Wednesday morning, but still didn't feel good.

And then, because this was the flu that never ends, Wednesday night Magdalena started puking again. We didn't all feel okay until the weekend and even then Magdalena and I were having tummy troubles. We still have the remnants of this stinking bug, but we can eat and keep it down. Our tummies just act a little funny still.

So yeah, that completely trashed my house and buried me in a piles and piles and piles of laundry. I lost a lot of the time I thought I had to get ready for Bambina's arrival. Last Friday I had an OB appointment. It was pretty uneventful. My blood pressure is behaving and everything is all set for Thursday morning.

That's right folks. THIS Thursday we're having a baby. We had an u/s a few weeks ago and it looks as if this Bambina is going to be just about the same size as Magdalena was (6#10oz) She is fully formed and has super super super long legs that measure way ahead. She was pouting too, to cute.

Today I had a tour of the Maternity ward and talked with the Director of Nursing. She drew all of my pre-op labs and we talked about the "birth plan." She said she "likes how I do things" since we talked about me refusing a full course of prophylactic antibiotics. And I wanted to confirm if I needed to make little signs politely declining formula, bottles, sugar water and pacifiers. (We apparently don't.) And we talked about how once this little girl is taken out of my body, she doesn't leave the eyes of Erich or myself.

So Magdalena and I came home, visited the library, and came back to work on the house. I cleaned the bathroom and master bedroom yesterday. Today I vacuumed and dusted the downstairs, sorted itty bitty baby clothes, and put them away. I've divided all the diapers for both girls so we have two diaper stations, one upstairs and one downstairs.

Tomorrow we'll mop floors, finish up ALL the laundry, and pack. We have to be at the hospital at 5:30am which means we need to leave here at 5am (which means I have to up at **cough** 3:30am) The hospital has high speed internet (can I say YAY!) and so look for an update and pictures (!!!) Thursday evening. I won't be able to get out of bed until the evening so I'll update then. And it's shaping up to be a busy busy day.

Magdalena is talking about her baby constantly. We are talking about sharing the "durses" and she seems prepared. We washed her big sister shirt and it has a matching onesie for the baby. So today she folded her shirt and her "didters" shirt too. She's excited about a BAYBEE and how she'll help Mommy by getting diapers and holding her and kissing her. So cross your fingers that things go well.

Belly pictures to come later when I stick batteries in the camera.

Hot Hot Hot

It's MAY fercryingoutloud! It isn't supposed to be 90 stinking degrees outside! I'm miserable. I can't say that enough. I made Erich put the window a/c unit in our bedroom last night. I couldn't really sleep the night before, and it was even hotter yesterday. We ended up spending a large chunk of time outside at my Mom's house in the 90* hot humid heat and I started to look, well, large. Erich made the comment that I looked a bit bigger. I asked if it was bigger in tummy or just bigger and if the change had come from the day before. Definitely was a difference from the day before and I attributed it to heat and swelling. So we sorta enjoyed a cool night, but I was still sweating even with the a/c on.

I'm a bit on guard at this point. I'm 36 weeks today and at this point in my pregnancy with Magdalena, my blood pressure was creeping up, I started swelling and my hours were cut at work. By the 37th week I was on limited bed rest (only get up if you really really have to), and she was delivered at 38 weeks when my body said "I'm done with this stuff!" So the swelling starts to make me nervous, even though my blood pressure was great last week (108/60) and I know it's just really really hot outside.

Things seem to be gearing up inside my body. Apparently my uterus didn't get the memo that I scheduled a csection. I've had almost constant contractions with intermittent breaks here and there. They are consistent, they have no pattern. Some hurt, some don't. There is definite cervical pressure and pain though. I popped my hip during my "nap" this afternoon (it really wasn't a nap, it was me trying to get in a comfy position with Magdalena crawling around on my head for a few hours). After my hip popped I felt bambina slide right into my pelvis, which was a really weird feeling. Since then, more intense cervix pressure and cramping.

I was told by my OB to go into labor this weekend. She's on call, it's air conditioned at the hospital (heh), and since bambina is smaller she has a greater chance of making it out. Erich is down with that game plan. I'm feeling like if my water would just stinking break I'd be golden. She'd be coming out either way. Even if I didn't go into labor, they'd section me now and put me out of my misery. Erich has had some grand ideas about how to go about getting my water to break, but his ideas sound none to appealing thankyouverymuch.

Other than that, things are good. Bambina was transverse at my last appointment, but now I feel like she's firmly head down. Not that it really matters you know, unless I go into labor. I'm feeling okay with the idea of the section and the idea of doing this on my own. I know that if it's meant to be, I'll go into labor and try the vag exit route. If not, it isn't. I'm at peace with our decisions, and I know that they are the right ones for our particular situation. I'm not scared of labor, I've had vivid flashbacks of my 26 hours of labor (22 unmedicated on pit!) and if it's going to happen, I just wish this show would get on the road! On Wednesday we have another ultrasound. Still measuring large and she wants to make sure everything is okay in there since I did decline genetic testing. I'm very uneasy about stuff. I'm worried that she is really a he, I'm worried that she has a cleft lip (seriously need to stop visiting pregnancy boards!), I'm just feeling worried. So the ultrasound will hopefully put my mind at ease.

I just realized that three years ago, on the Sunday before Memorial Day, we found out that Magdalena was on her way. It's been a crazy 3 years!

I Still Miss Him

Yesterday marked the day that my dad died 14 years ago. At this point, he's been gone longer than he was with me. I'm told I look a lot like my father, and pictures of us as younger children make us seem identical. So naturally I see him in Magdalena. He would have made a phenomenal grandfather had he been given the chance. It's really hard to cope with the fact that I still miss him *so* much.

Near the end of my pregnancy with Magdalena, I had a dream that my father came to the hospital. In the dream, my family was all around us in the hospital room and there was a knock on the door. It was my father and he just walked in like it was so normal that he would appear for the event. It didn't really cause an uproar and people didn't seem amazed that he was there. It was all very ordinary, you know? Anyway, he came in and asked to hold the baby. I handed her to him and said "I'm so glad you came to meet her." He replied, "I wouldn't miss this for the world kid." It's a beautiful memory I have, and really I felt him with me the whole time I labored. Along with the reassuring hands of the nurses and Erich, I felt my dad right there with me, telling me it was going to be okay.

When I was wheeled into the OR for my csection, I was punched in the gut with this dread. It was a combination of knowing that I was going to be a mother very soon and I was having major surgery. As soon as they had me transferred onto the table though, I had this warm rush of reassuring love. I knew it was going to be okay. I knew that I was being taken care of and that I would make it through this. I was able to pull myself together and be able to calm Erich down. It was amazing, and I do believe it was my dad right there with me.

A couple of weeks ago I had another dream about my father. I've had it once or twice since then, but I can still vividly remember the dream. In it, my dad had come back to see us. My mom was here and the two of them were ducking behind corners and such "acting like teenagers", kissing, hugging, and giggling. Erich was at work and Magdalena was playing like she normally does. I was pregnant with this bambina.

The dream cuts to the bedroom, where I'm changing the sheets. My dad comes into help me and we have a conversation. I tell him I'm so happy that "they" allowed him to come back and see us and that he'll get to meet Erich and really get to know Magdalena. He tells me he is glad to be back and he looks forward to getting to know Erich and hanging out with Magdalena. I ask how long he'll be able to stay to which he replies, "I'll be here until the baby gets here and a little while after that. I'm really looking forward to playing with Magdalena a lot and helping you with the new one. I'm glad I get to be there for that." The dream ends when I tell him I love him so much and I've really missed him.

What Will You Be Doing...

four weeks from today 5/18/06? Do you know? I do. I'll be laying in a bed, with a tiny itty bitty baby at my breast. Isn't that crazy? Wasn't it just yesterday that we were oo'ing and ah'ing over a picture of a little sac? That's just crazy.

I love...

nursing my toddler girl. Don't get me wrong, I can't wait to have that tiny itty bitty baby in my arms grunting cooing and rooting for some milk. And I loved when Magdalena was tiny and passed out in my lap after nursing. Erich and I always said she looked like a drunk frat boy after a really good keg.

But this nursing toddler stuff is awesome. Your baby crawling into your lap and smiling sweetly, telling she loves you and then demanding asking sweetly for "dis side pease Mommy!"

She tells me she loves to "durse" and that ones tastes like cheese and the other like apple juice. Apparently I'm a regular snack bar.

Honestly, I can't wait to hold both of my girls in my arms and nourish them. It's pretty mind boggling now in the late evenings, nursing my daughter. It's the realization that not only is my body growing a baby, but also still taking care of my first baby. It's hard to wrap my little tiny brain around, yk?

Video Cuteness

Visions of Nesting

I'm so sorry for my absence. Things have been crazy, to say the least, around here. I almost don't know where to start. But I guess I'll start where the absence began.

Soon after I posted pictures on Flickr of my belleh at 30 weeks, my laptop broke. Here are the pictures you missed:




Anyway, the laptop broke. Having a geeky computer repairman husband, I knew it wasn't my hard drive (THANK GOODNESS!). Turns out my fan died. The computer would start to boot then immediately shut itself off to protect from overheating. So a few phone calls later and the laptop sans hard drive was on it's way to Texas to get a new fan courtesy of Acer and my warranty. I talked them into letting me keep my hard drive so I could use Erichs enclosure to back up my stuff and be able to access, well, everything. Dude, I depend way to much on my laptop!

So it came back last week. It works well now too. :) But Erich was home on vacation and we were doing lots of stuff around the house and hanging out as a family. So my laptop time was still being robbed because Erich wins out over the Internet. We had so much fun with him home too. It was hard to see him leave us to go back to work today. :( Maybe someday he can have a job that pays well enough and work from home. That would be awesome.

He might have been a little bit glad to go back though cause I put him to work. Heh. For weeks now, I've had the urge to nest but never the energy required for the work that needed done. My list became increasingly longer as I thought about it too. The week before his vacation, Erich decided that we should have a garage sale. I protested a bit, because I knew how much work would be involved, but agreed. I slowly started going through drawers here and there and started a pile. However, while he was home I got the motivation to dig out the baby clothes and sort. Piles of clothes sorted into keep, sell, give away, donate, etc etc. (Don't worry if you have given me clothes in the past, I sorted them and sent them on to good homes. I did not sell them.) In fact I'm still kinda knee deep in the clothes, because I'm having trouble getting them put back. And all those itty bitty pink newborn gowns, man I'm getting excited!

So anyway, back to the subject. Since Erich was home I decided that he would be the perfect extra set of hands that I needed to get some of my list done! He had had to do some work before earlier in the day and was tired, but reluctantly agreed to help me sort through the linen closet. Our linen closet had turned into a dumping ground. You could no longer walk into it and you could barely get to the linens as they were all just dumped in the closet. So we started by emptying out the closet. We pulled EVERYTHING out of it and sorted into piles of sheets (twin, full, queen, blankets, etc) and then we went threw and folded and tossed and did lots of that stuff. The "keep" stuff went back into the closet in orderly piles on the shelf. All organized and neat looking, I was charged! I was ready to move on to the next closet, but Erich needed a nap. So while he napped I moved on to my closet which is supposed to be walk in, but at that point was anything but a walk in closet. I put away, sorted (just like baby clothes) and all kinds of good stuff and got rid of a BUNCH of stuff that no longer fits or I would never wear again. It was awesome. So at that point I moved on to yet another room. Heh. You see where this is going right?

At 10pm that night Erich asked me, "When are you going to start leaving things alone so we can go to BED!?" So I stopped, but man that felt good. The next day things were sent to their new homes, sold, or hauled to goodwill. Man, decluttering helps the soul. Seriously. And it's probably made better by the fact that I'm pregnant because that nagging voice in your head that says "maybe I'll need this/maybe I'll fit into this later/ I sorta like it though/ what if" and makes you keep stuff, is totally gone. That thought never crossed my mind, and I'm sure that's how the piles got so big.

So hard core nesting around here. And have you ever noticed how seeing how great things look makes you move on to the next room? I found awesome stuff too! And my next big room to tackle is reorganizing the play room!

Moving on, Magdalena is such a little opinionated girl now. It's weird how she's this totally unique person, you know? Yesterday as I was drying her off and putting lotion on her I exclaimed "I'm going to eat your toes!" and she screamed in horror "NO! NO EAT MY TOES " Poor girl, thought I was going to actually eat her toes. I couldn't help but laugh, it was to funny. The things she says makes both Erich and myself burst into fits of laughter sometimes. The way she discovers things is awesome. Like today, she came to me, grabbed my hand and said "cmere!" She took me over to a corner of the house where the sun was shining and her shadow was revealed and asked "wht's dat? Wht's dat Mommy?" It's so cool to watch her discover her world.

She also loves birds. She picked up a yard ornament of a bird the other day and started making it "fly" around in the yard. She kept singing "fly birdie fly!"

We have a new family of birds that have taken up residence on a high ledge on our porch. They are pretty quiet and don't leave messes so I left them alone. After watching for a while I realized that they must have little baby birds in the nest, which surprised me since it's so quiet out there. The Mama Bird flys in frequently during the day bringing lots of worms with her. Magdalena loves to watch her fly in and out from our living room window. The Daddy Bird comes by frequently too. I climbed up on a chair and took a picture of the nest with my phone while they were out today.



Aren't they adorable? Anyway, this has gotten long enough. Next up, more talk about baby and a new belly picture!

She Lives!

Hey, I just wanted to drop in to tell you that my laptop broke earlier this month. So that is why I've been MIA. Any computer time I've had has been brief and spent trying to keep up on the most important blog posts and email. My bloglines subscription has over 50 new feeds. It's ridiculous.

We're still here. I'm still pregnant. Bambina is doing well as is Magdalena. I'll be back with a real update really soon. My laptop just came back yesterday and Erich is on vacation right now, so computer time is still a bit lacking right now.

I've Been Hit With the Stupid Stick

That's right, the stupid stick. And in the words of Ron White, "you can't fix stupid." I'm forgetting everything. That sounds like an exaggeration, but really it's not. For instance, I sat down to check email and blogs. I saw Anathea had updated, so I headed over there to check on her and thought of something I should do online or something, and then not 30 seconds later (as long as it took for her page to load) I'd forgotten what it was. I can't for the love of Pete remember what it was.

This kind of thing happens ALL DAY LONG. It's ridiculous. It probably doesn't help that I was up until 2am this morning. I was helping Erich finish up some work for an appointment this morning. And being the loving generous wife that I am, I sent him to bed at 11:30pm and I stayed up finishing stuff. I know he is appreciative, and I know that I would have stayed up with him if I hadn't done his stuff, but I still feel like crap. And apparently I'm cranky to according to my dearest Husband. I wonder why?

And while I'm complaining (heh) why is that every morning when Magdalena wakes up she wants to use the pillow THAT I HAVE MY HEAD ON! Gah! Honestly folks, I love co-sleeping. I can't bear the thought of her sleeping in the other room. But the stealing my pillow in the morning, messing with my face, and generally poking and kicking me in the morning DRIVES ME BATTY. And in all honesty, it probably sours my already bad mood since I am so NOT the morning person.

Complaining over. Magdalena is literally running around in circles in the living room. She got her dose of Elmo this morning and now she's listening to the Dora CD running around in circles. She loves to sing and sings "baaapack! baaapack!" along with the song when it plays, though she has never actually watched an episode of Dora. She can also sing the "elmo song" It's to cute. The other day in the OB exam room she started singing "la la la la la la la la Belbos wurrl" I started singing it with her very quietly "elmo loves his goldfish, his crayons..." and she chimes in at the top of her lungs "TOO! DAT'S BELBO'S WURRLLLLLLLLLLL!" I was laughing so hard. This walls are thin, so thin I can hear the woosh of babies heartbeats, the running of water, the clanking of speculums, so I *know* that every woman in there (possibly in stirups) heard her singing. I'm sure you would all enjoy that while people were poking your girly bits, right?

My blood sugars have been good to. I definitely do NOT have gestational diabetes. If anything I'm running to low during parts of the day. So I'll be glad to be done with this on Sunday. :) Little Bambina is so active these days. I wish I could somehow capture that feeling for you guys and to keep for myself honestly. She can actually move things off my belly and if you watch for a few minutes you can definitely see my belly moving almost constantly. Last night her and I played a little game. She would stretch her foot out, I would push on it and she would pull it back. Then she'd stretch it back out again. We did this for at least a minute. It was pretty cool. :) She must have been thinking "hey I was here first!"

I'm hoping to update the craft blog towards the end of the day. So look for that. ;)

Moving Along

We're taking it one day at a time here. Magdalena seems to get busier and busier by the day. Cuter too, but definitely busy. And with each passing day, I seem to get a bit slower and more tired. 11 weeks left and it seems right around the corner, and very far away at the same time.

Magdalena and I talk about the baby's arrival a lot. We talk about how the baby will "durse" and Magdalena can still durse to. She generally agrees with me, but sometimes I think she just agrees with me so I'll shut up, LOL. She's like her father like that. ;)

I had my OB appointment on Tuesday. It was a good appointment. I politely refused her glucose tolerance test. It made me so sick last time and I really couldn't see myself going through that hell again. So, she agreed to let me just check my blood sugars for a week. I think that is a nice compromise if I do say so myself. :) We also bickered a bit about prophylactic antibiotics after surgery. So, we made another compromise. I will be receiving some antibiotics after surgery, but I won't get their usual amounts. I'm happy with that. I'll start tanking up on probiotics before surgery.

I was also told that if I go into labor after 35 weeks she won't stop me. That's really cool, because my old OB (who moved out of state after M was born) would have stopped me all the way up until 37 weeks. I don't anticipate going into labor, but it's nice to know that I wouldn't be stopped if I did. We also decided that if I do go into labor before my scheduled section, we'll play it by ear. If I come in, with no obvious progress, then I'm game for a section. If I come in dilated to 6 with bulging waters/broken waters, and it appears she's coming, well we'll go for it. So if I do go into labor early, I'll be staying home to see if it happens. Heh.

Blood pressure was great, I haven't gained any weight, just stayed the same as 5 weeks ago. I'm measuring between 29 and 30, so about 2 weeks ahead. I've said it before, with Magdalena I measured ahead the entire time. My uterus is very accomodating complete with spacious rooms and high vaulted ceilings. ;)

We start two week appointments now! Wow! So next appointment is April 10. It's so weird because I know that there is a baby coming, right? But it's still hard for me to grasp that there is a baby coming. It's a very different feeling from when Magdalena was coming, where I knew there was this new baby coming, but I didn't comprehend it fully. This one feels more like a dream. I know what is headed for me, but I can't comprehend that we've created this other being who will be here very shortly.

I also can't imagine what she'll look like or how she'll behave. She already reacts to different voices. Squeals from her sister send my belly into fits. Sometimes I'm not sure if she's saying "hey I can't wait to come and meet you" or if she's thinking "HUSH! I'm trying to sleep!" I looked at Magdalena the other day and was thinking about how much she looks like me and acts like Erich. At that moment I was *positive* that bambina would look just like her Daddy. I wonder if she will. Will she look like Erich and act like me? (Good Lord I hope not. I'm enough to deal with. Heh.) Will she look just like her sister? I can't imagine another little girl as beautiful as Magdalena, but I know she will be equally as beautiful. I'm excited and terrified. I'm sad for Magdalena that I will no longer be able to devote 100% of my time to her, but I'm elated that she will have a baby sister so close in age. I'll miss having Magdalena all to myself to, you know? But I'm thrilled to be a mother again. I know this is probably normal, but I still think about it. Things will never be the same, you know? It's funny because right before Magdalena was born, I had this same panic sort of feeling. I knew things would never be the same and I had to mourn the passing of an era of just Erich and myself. This is the same thing. It won't ever shadow the ultimate joy I have in my heart at the thought of adding to my family, but I would be lying if I didn't think about the passing of this era also. Am I only the one who feels like this?

I Forget Everything

I swear I do. Seriously folks, my memory is seriously getting bad lately. First off, Alisa is my new hero because she's so sweet!

Second, Allison, I have not received any emails from you. And if I did, they didn't register (see above about forgetting things) but I'm almost 100% positive that I've received nothing. I still have the same yahoo address. So try again! :)

There She Grows Again...

Alternative post titles include "oh my goodness you mean she has 12 weeks left!" or "She's Simply Huge"

Here she is ladies. Bambina in Utero gestated 26w2d (when the picture was taken)



You'll notice that you can still see my belly button ring. And let's do a quick cross reference shall we. Take notice of my "generous" shape with bambina and then go over here and see my belly with Magdalena 4 days before she was born. Is it just me or do they look awfully similar in size? I think a lot of it has to be that I feel like Bambina is more of a round basketball shape compared to her sister, who took more of an up and down oval like shape, you know? Oh well, they still seem to be about the same size, so I'm postive that the shape of me is not indicative of the size of her.

Bottles Vs. Breast Milk

I truly awesome read from a male perspective.

http://blogs.savingadvice.com/wixx/2006/03/16/bottles-vs-breat-milkno-contest_6443/

I'll be back later with a post (and a picture!)

Alive

I'm around. I'm alive. I'm okay. I promise. I'm just soooo tired!

Belly Shots

I know you all are just dying to know what I look like these days, right?

I love you all!

It's amazing you, my readers but actually my friends, are so important to me and my well being. I haven't met most of you, but feel so connected to you as we share the intimate details of our lives. And I just wanted to say, thanks. Thanks for sharing, listening, and for your input. I think we sometimes forget that we are dealing over the internet and not in a close knit group of friends, because at times that is how it feels. All of us chatting over our coffee or tea, nibbling on a cookie, and tuning into our friends. And you know it sucks when we get hurt in the process, but that is the nature of dealing with people IRL or online.

Over the last few days I've had the special treating of chatting via instant message systems and of speaking on the phone with Imacmom and Jane. And wow, wonderful ladies, who make my heart and soul sing with happiness, cause I'm so excited to "know" these wonderful people. It's times like these when I feel life is just about as good as it gets.

So thank you all. And spread the love, please.

If there is someone on your friends list who makes your world a better place just because they exist and who you would not have met (in real life or not) without the internet, then post this same sentence in your journal.

Gracy Dog

Gracy Dog
Originally uploaded by Mommy2StaufferBabies.

Gracy is gone. She got out of the gate last night and hasn't been back since. I left food out for her and looked on foot this morning, but couldn't find her. To say I'm sad is an understatement. I just want her to come back.

She was a gift from my Dad before he died, and it feels wrong to just have her gone so sudden. No chance to say goodbye, no chance to tell her I love her. Please pray that she comes home today. It's cold outside.

More Ultrasound Details

Little baby girl was very willing to show us who she was yesterday! She weighed in at around 6.5 ounces and measures perfectly for dates. She has a super long femur bone that measures way ahead of the rest of her body, just like her sister did. Having a Daddy who is 6'4" probably affects that! She was very active, probably a result of the tall iced mocha decaf coffee that I drank before to get her going. She sucked her thumb, smiled at us and was throughly a happy baby to watch.

I found out that the placenta is anterior which is why I feel like her movements are a bit weird and why most of the movement is down low. That's a bit of bad news for Erich since it will be a while longer before he can feel her move.

And for a bit of comparison sake, at 19w2 Magdalena weighed in at 9 ounces and at 19w2 this baby girl weighed in at 6.5 ounces. As I told Imacmom, I apparently don't "grow 'em big!"

We'reHavingABaby!

It'sA......













GIRL!

She's Such A Big Girl

**sniff** Magdalena is growing up WAY to fast for my liking. She turned two on the 21st and was able to blow out her candle all by herself without any help. Oh, so bittersweet! So here are some highlights on the little girl.

• She loves loves loves Elmo aka Belbo and can spot him anywhere.
• She can walk up and down the stairs holding the rail.
• She uses forks and spoons like a pro. :)
• She is now really getting the hang of language and picks up at least 2 words a day.
• Erich and I really like to here her say "morning!" when we say good morning. It makes us both smile.
• She is having a bit of separation anxiety now that she has put the expanding belly and the talk of baby together in her mind.
• She still loves to nurse and asks quite often. A few days back I tried getting her to ask and say please. Now she comes up to me and says "durse, pease!" Melts my heart everytime.
  
• She can count to two.
• She gets the jokes on Sesame Street and on the tapes.
• She loves to hug and kiss and will actually let other kids hug her now.
• She's all girl. She squeals with delight, runs to her Daddy when he comes home, dances, sings and is 100% sugar and spice.
• She loves babies. And she mothers her dolls like a little Mommy should. I find her wiping bottoms and faces and hands and putting cloth diapers on the dolls. She's going to be a fabulous big sister when she figures out that the baby will demand our love and attention too. :)
• She still sleeps with us. Though she is now sleeping the entire night in the crib attached to our bed. My belly kinda pushed her away from snuggling up to me. Heh.
  
• She can put herself to sleep. So "neener neener neener!" to all the people who told me if I nursed her to sleep, she'd "never learn to do it on her own!"
• She loves the bathtub and she loves to sing "that's belbos world!" at the top of her lungs in the bathroom.
• The only thing she doesn't really like is being told "no" heh.
• Her last appointment she appeared perfect and came in at a petite 24# and 31.5" tall.
  
• She can pee on the potty when she is left naked. She still can't tell the difference between panties and diapers, but I never showed her to pee on the potty, so she'll get there eventually. With a new baby on the way, I'm not exactly holding my breath.
• She loves to eat. There isn't anything she'll turn away. She is not picky and happily tries new things. (**knocks loudly on wood**) When people ask me how I got her to "do that" I always tell them it's because I never pushed her to start solids and let her tell me, even if that meant exclusively breastfeeding her until she was 8 months old. :P
  

That's all I can think of right now, but believe me she gets cuter and smarter every single stinking day!

Tomorrow is the big U/S for Neo! Coincidentally, it falls on January 31st which was Magdalena's due date back in 2004!

The Start of An Update!

Long time no see, eh? Well, life seems to just be flying by. Wasn't it just October? Hyperemsis has really gotten the best of me and since Christmas I've been hovering near bathrooms with little vials of pills that promise to take the sickness away. They don't really, but they do give me hours where I feel "normal" whatever that is.

The Wednesday before Christmas I started feel woozy, tossed my dinner, and thought nothing of it. Thursday I spent the day feeling as if I was going to die and how on earth do you take care of a toddler while feeling like this? Friday, I actually looked like death and decided that I better go to the doctor. I could barely pick Magdalena up, it was bad. Upon arrival, they discovered that not only had I lost weight (which I still am) but that my bloodpressure was 80/60 and my heartrate was 130. I was really dehydrated. They tried to find babys heartbeat, but couldn't distinguish whose heartbeat belonged to who. So Dr. B pulled out her portable ultrasound and within a minute we were looking a fully formed baby just hanging out. Baby appeared to be sleeping and when nudged, turned the other way! Ha! Just like his/her father! :)

I was given the Hyperemesis label and sent to the hospital to be rehydrated and receive some IV anti nausea drugs. My mom was called in to watch Magdalena and apparently M wore her out running all through the hospital.

Since then I've been hanging out trying to not puke every day and take care of Magdalena.

She turned 2 on Saturday! But I'll write about that next post.

Today I had an OB appointment. I've lost about 20 pounds so far into this pregnancy. I'm 18 weeks 2 days gestated. :) I'm measuring a little large at 21 centimeters, but I'll take that with a grain of salt considering Magdalena measured large the entire time and look how tiny she was! Dr. B said it was probably because of being a bit short and because this is my second pregnancy and your uterus tends to make the second one feel much more welcome. heh. She was finally able to catch bambino on the doppler and baby sounds good, kicking, and having a grand old time.

We talked about the fact that I've been much more worried about this baby then I was with Magdalena. For some reason I feel like I should be LESS worried since this is my second go around, but my anxiety is much worse. She said I didn't have to wait for my next appointment with her to get my ultrasound and that I could schedule it for next week. So next Tuesday, send us some legs wide open vibes! And um, I should figure out how to place some bets as it seems everyone is torn between boy and girl. I actually have no idea. Erich says girl (but honestly I think he is just preparing himself **wink**). My mom says boy, my MIL says boy, and a friend says girl. What do you think?

We also talked about the csection. We are not going to be trying labor this time for various reasons and since we aren't going to try, I'd like to avoid going into labor. She said she likes to section at 39 weeks, but that she'll do it at 38 weeks. I'd like to avoid being in the hospital on Erichs birthday so it looks like we may schedule the section the week of June 12, towards the end. That will make me 38 and change and I'm down with that. It's very odd to be scheduling someones birth by the way. But this is how it has to be. I'll talk more in detail about why we will be doing a repeat section in another post.

Anywho, we talked about the spinal and about giving her warning if I dry heave on the table (so she can be prepared to hold my guts in, heh) and I asked about nursing in recovery. Apparently now, as long as baby is okay, they ALWAYS bring baby in to nurse. Thank goodness! She knows I'm a major lactivist and I think she has a clue that we are still nursing, but I'm still dancing around that subject with her since I know her views on it. heh. She says that they don't push formula, and she thinks they push people who want to formula feed, to breastfeed. To which I say, GOOD FOR THEM! Heh. So yay, nursing in recovery (which is less than half an hour from birth, which is cool) Erich will again stay with baby the entire time and I'm finally starting to believe that there will be another baby here in *gasp* 20 weeks! Yikes!

Behind..

I'm currently still trying to figure out how to take care of a toddler and get the hang of this hyperemesis stuff. I'll be back in a few days with a giant update, promise.

In the meantime, how about a little Magdalena fun? She recently learned to put her finger to her mouth and say "shhh!!"

Today, she was reaching for something she is not supposed to have. I tell her "no Magdalena" and she comes over to me and says "shhhhh!" heh.

Her birthday is on Saturday!!!

National Delurking Week

It's national delurking week!

I would say I "know" about 60% of the people that stop in on this blog. So if you are in the 40% who I don't "know" or who don't comment, please leave me a comment!